I recently received an email entitled “Courage”. It got me to thinking. What exactly is courage? Furthermore, what about the courage to love?
Fairy tales? No such thing. Forever afters? Hac-tuiii. Pardonne moi….
I have to laugh to keep from crying, more. For the past couple of days my face has resembled something monstrous and I’m growing weary of it. Quite simply, my heart is breaking. Right now I just feel like retreating inside my cave for, well forever.
The Courage to Love. I’ve always been a firm believer of the old saying ‘If you love something, set it free – if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.’ Well… up to a point, anyway. One should never go so far as to allow their selves to become a doormat for anyone else.
I guess I’m old fashioned, I’ll admit that. I am southern, after all. I’ve never been one of these feminists who mandate equality of the sexes, and never will. It’s my belief that women shouldn’t ‘chase’ men – it should be the other way around. I also believe that if a man loves a woman enough… I mean really loves them… they won’t let her go without a fight. They’ll do anything and everything to keep her – anything less than that simply isn’t real. Call it what you will – it’s an illusion. Don’t fool yourself. Life’s too short.
Hey, self – remember this: I Myself, will NOT… break. Already been through Hell and back once – and I ain’t planning a return trip anytime soon.
I love looking at pictures of hotels and condos for rent at the beach. With all the online photo galleries and virtual tours they have now, it’s almost taking a little mini-vacation.
K and I spent a good bit of last night checking out different places online. Our one-year anniversary is only a couple of weeks away, and we’ve talked about trying to head down to the coast for a couple of nights. I can hardly believe it’s been a year already…
Last night he took me out to a place called Logan’s not far from his house. They have the second-to-best ribs I’ve ever had in my life. Simply delectable… fall-off-the-bone-waste-not-a-bit-of-meat goodness. I’ve only experienced one place that beats Logan’s on ribs, and that would be TK Tripps at the beach.
For a four-day week, this sure has been a long one – I’m thankful for the Friday. The heat has been immeasurable this whole week, with highs around 98-100º. Thankfully, we’re getting a break starting tomorrow with hopefully some rain and definite lower temps.
K told me last night that the next-up tropical storm will take the name Bonnie. Well well well. I distinctly remember over a decade ago when Hurricane Bonnie ripped through Myrtle Beach. It’s hard to fathom the name has already made it’s way back around again. I never did score me one of those “I survived Bonnie” t-shirts back in ’98…
Happy weekend, everyone. ♥
It’s the century-old question. Can men and women have a happy healthy relationship along with having a close friend(s) of the opposite sex? And remain friends, notwithstanding an affair? How about if that ‘friend’ existed before you came along, and you’ve always noticed or ‘felt’ this closeness between the two of them?
There are boatloads of opinions out there on this. Instead of a theological approach on the subject, I’m instead opting to provide you with my very own raw opinion. A Bon-view, as I like to call it. This ain’t gonna be pretty… could even get messy – might be a good idea to go ahead and don those rubber gloves from underneath your kitchen sink.
All joking aside, most man-moves can, are, and will forever be excused in the fact that they are men. I’ve grown not only to expect this, but to accept it as a fact of life.
Now, onto what I’ve learned.
Virtually any area of infidelity is contingent upon the type of woman that is playing along.
That’s right, I just said it. I believe the woman to be the deciding factor in whether an infidelity is to occur in a relationship, whether she’s the relationshipee or the outsider. Folks I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it… it’s a fact. And I seriously beg a debate.
Ladies… have you any wonder about the woman your man speaks so eloquently of, whether or not they were ‘friends’ before you came along? You’d damn well better have. Men… how about that guy friend of your girlfriend’s that she’ll meet for lunch from time to time, talk with on the phone, etc.? Is it really platonic? True enough, it could be platonic in both cases. The end result, though, will be determined by **none other than** the woman’s own moral convictions and willpower.
So by now am I sounding like a paranoid schizophrenic? Okay, I’ll give you that. The paranoid schiz in me was instilled by another, and it’s a daily struggle to keep that part of me buried. Maybe I arrived that way after realizing there will always be certain women out there that need the attention so badly they’ll resort to anything – including infiltration of a known relationship, be it marriage or other. The attention whore, for lack of a better word. Believe me ladies, when I tell you they are out there. Worse yet? They could be the very one that you perceive to be a good friend. Having been on the receiving end of the infidelity stick, I can tell you it’s humiliating and mentally draining – to say the very least.
So to wrap up my little rant for the day, in short – this is what I believe… and this is what I’ve lived. I want so very badly to protect myself in the future from this very damaging act. But just what is the answer? I realize that trust should be the key. Keyword, should.
Ladies, back to you…
Another Independence Day is upon us. I could really turn this blog into a political rant, but I’ll save that for another day. I will say that if you had warned our forefathers of the resulted socialistic thumb this country is being held under, they’d have probably packed bags and jumped ship back to England.
The weather has been absolutely amazing, the low was a record 56 Friday night with the highs in the upper 80’s on Saturday. SO uncharacteristic of the 4th of July! And I’ll definitely take it. It’s actually enjoyable to be outside in these temps, we’re all getting a break from hiding behind the a/c indoors.
I’ve really enjoyed the weekend so far, what with all the extra free time and all. Yesterday, a good friend of mine was in my neck of the woods, so she stopped by and I fixed us all a bite of lunch. I’d been wanting her to meet my guy anyway, so it worked out great – it was a good visit.
Yesterday afternoon I packed my bags, grabbed my feline and headed over to my guy’s house for the rest of the weekend. Camille really loves it here and we always get a bunch of laughs out of her antics. Ah who am I kidding, I love it here too. ♥
Just when I think he’s done it all, that there’s nothing left that can capture my heart and make me love him even more, K proves me wrong. Last night, he grabbed me in his arms, looked down at me and said, ‘You know what? After tomorrow, we will have officially spent every holiday of the year together.’ I’ll tell you right now that stole my heart all over again. I should be used to that by now…
I’m loving this life I’m in, and ever-appreciative of the treasure that I’ve found in him. I know I’ve harped on about second chances many times before, but in truth I can never do it enough. We’re older now, and hopefully wiser. When a blessing of this magnitude is bestowed upon you, it can never turn into something that’s taken for granted – and it never will. ♥♥
I gazed down at myself as I sat down in my car seat this morning and discovered a spider had hitched a ride down the stairs with me. Lovely. I should be used to it by now I so hate spiders.
On a brighter note, here comes our holiday finally and with it the three-day weekend. Longer for some, I know, but I’ll take the extra day and not complain a bit. I recently made a friend who frequents the lake (via boat) and she invited us out this weekend. I’m SO STOKED I couldn’t be more excited if I were going to the beach. Wellll, I might be a bit more excited about that – but this is still major to me. I haven’t had a good day out on a boat in well, I don’t count last year because the boat never even moved from it’s stationery spot. So, three years now. That’s far too long for ole’ water-Bon to be a land-lubber. Craving the ocean too, but that’s a whole other story. The lake will most definitely temporarily suffice.
So, Eclipse has come out. All of my New Moon buddies have seen it so far and are telling me it’s mega-awesome, so I can’t wait to see it. My guy said something about Monday and it probably will be less crowded that day. One friend of mine was going to see it for the second time last night. The last movie I went to see more than once was Nights in Rodanthe, which I saw 3 times at the theatre. I didn’t know it at the time, but that movie was to become a staple in my newfound single life.
I have a friend who is taking his girlfriend to the beach this weekend – and planning to ‘pop the question’ to her. From what he said, she’s wanted this for a long time, and what better time than July 4th holiday? I’m such a romantic, so I bask in stories like these. I got all sappy yesterday when I heard what he was planning, and the girls at work were laughing at me. I can only explain it by saying that I’ve never in my life had anyone who actually wanted to marry me, so I guess that’ll make a person a romantic if nothing else will. I can’t wait to hear how he did it when he gets back in town… will he propose on the pier? On the beach? Or maybe at Broadway, standing underneath the fireworks after they start… my goodness, I love that idea….
Stay tuned. 🙂
Whoever first told me life gets harder as you get older sure knew what they were talking about. I believe it was my mother. We live in an age of a failing world (okay I know that sounds drastically morbid – but it is, let’s face it). We’ve done so much damage to the environment that it’s irreparable, with the continuance of damage ongoing still – today, tomorrow, next week, next year. The economy sucks, and people are struggling financially. The entire world is crime-ridden and it seems even more so in the US. Too many people have lost their religion, that is if they ever had it to begin with.
For these reasons it makes me that much more appreciative of the soul that has come into my life. My brightness. The person who actually makes me better. Brighter.
It all started last July 29th when we started messaging each other (I still have every email correspondence we’ve ever sent). Our first date was August 1st. Man, were we ever both nervous. I’ll never forget coming down those stairs and seeing him leaning back against the hood of his car… lookin’ so cool. 🙂 It’s one of those memories that I hope never fades with age.
No one is perfect – but I’m so beyond perfect that it’s hilarious. I have so many little quirks and eccentricities that need tweaking. I get agitated and worked up easily. He keeps me grounded. I frequently find myself trying to accomplish too much and freaking out when my goals aren’t met. He is teaching me to take life slower. We both have trust issues when it comes to relationships, and have since learned that it’s okay to let our guards down with each other. That in itself was a feat that took some time – time that we look back on and smile at now.
Yep, we’re getting older all right. But that’s not always a bad thing. After all, if we’re lucky enough, we might can capture a little wisdom from it. The kind of wisdom that allows us to be appreciative of the best things in life – that which is right in front of us.
Hats off to second chances….
I often wish I’d started blogging a while back. Then again, if I had, it would’ve been the most boring drawn-out process of arriving at the point I’m at now – which is happy. Yes, money is more than tight, referencing yesterday’s rant… but I am happy.
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a few blogs on another site. This site isn’t public and I’m thinking of closing it down soon, so I wanted a ‘storage bin’ to house a couple of them. I’m thinking my current blog would be a good storage choice. Rereading them just now, I once again stumbled upon what I was so desperately searching for from the very beginning…
The Quest for Happiness.
Guess I need a refresher course every now and again… So, go ahead – make the jump. But above all………. be happy.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Good Life
Life is good.
Simple words, aren’t they? Actually these three words can branch out in so many directions and mean so many things. Right now I’m partial to what they symbolize to me.
Which is, the ultimate realization that I am happily independent. It’s taken me a while to say that with some enthusiasm, but man oh man – what a great feeling it is to finally get to know, and actually like, your own self.
And finally being able to say…. ‘I did it’. While smiling.
The forever analyst that I am, I’d find myself constantly searching for the flaws in my own character that might have led up to or even caused the ending of my old life. It took me a while to realize that until I embraced my own self, gave myself some actual worth, that I would in fact be alone in my new life. You absolutely are how others see you. Might be sad – but this is fact.
Being off work on a holiday, getting up and having the day with which to do exactly as you please, no one to answer to…. though a rarity, how glorious is that? There are so many people confined in a tempestuous or otherwise unhappy relationship that dictates their every move, even on a day off from work. Actually, days off are usually even more trying if you’re in a relationship that’s gone south. I sincerely remember.
This morning I do my usual cleanup of self and house – then cook 2 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast lightly buttered, add grape jam – and oh, can’t forget the OJ with lots’ o pulp. Savoring every bite sitting on my porch while looking out at all the new greenery, I thought to myself…. ‘only breakfast at the beach could top this right now’. Mr. Huge Hovering Devil Bee who’s positioned himself directly above the railing to watch me eat doesn’t even bother me.
The most simplistic things in life really are the most important. The sunrises, sunsets…. the birds building and mating in the Spring (in my hanging basket, no less). A good breakfast. Looking forward to the imminent thunderstorm. Crossing the bridge and gazing at the ‘diamonds on the water’; locking them into memory. I told a friend recently that I’ve gotten pretty good at driving a straight line on the bridge while my head is turned completely towards the lake. LOL In any case, the love and appreciation for these things will only come once you are truly satisfied and content with your own self worth. I am forever thankful for being at that point in my life.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Setting the REAL record straight
Category: Romance and Relationships
Every so often I get the urge to write a blog. Although the urge isn’t really there today, I more just feel the need to. Jot down some things that have been weighing on my mind, all related to the colorful year I’ve had so far. A year that’s made me feel failure-esque for the most part.
To try and understand how there can be so many fake people in the world is a daily struggle. What does it take anymore to be REAL? Out of two relationships I’ve had this year, both have failed. I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless. What I am saying is that both of these individuals happened to not be ‘real’.
Though a world different in all other areas, both individuals had this one little trait in common. Neither were genuine – neither were real. They both were masters of disguising theirselves as someone they were not. Whether it’s covering up something of grave importance (case #1) or leading someone to believe you lead a life that doesn’t really exist, along with hidden anger issues (case #2) – the simple fact remains… YOU AREN’T BEING REAL.
I realize it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At the time, it did make me wonder why I even bothered to put myself out there. Was there something about me that attracted this type of masqueraded personality? Was I really that gullible? Or did I want to be loved so badly that I was turning my head to the obvious? After much thought, I’ve decided to suspend the search for the answer – instead moving forward with slightly more ware on life this time.
Recently I’ve reconnected with someone who has showed me that there are still real people in the world. This person has also dealt with a not-real someone in their own life for many years. It’s been helpful and healing to share our experiences, and realize that we aren’t so alone in our quest to find someone out there that is genuine. Although we’re still in the early stages of a relationship, I can say that through him, I am slowly learning to trust again. That guard is still somewhat in place – as I’m sure his is too. We’d both be fools not to, right?
I know there’s been enough of the sappy talk as of lately, with me being so in love and all. But what the hell, it’s my blog, and it’s what I want to write about. Right?
And as if right on cue… a Rascal Flatts song starts playing on the radio.
First off, gotta get a bitch session in about how sick I seriously still am. Instead of moving forward, I’m inching backward. Been up since early hours of the am with what I now officially know to be a sinus infection. Feels something like a damn brain aneurysm every time I blow my super-plugged-up nose, and the pain is excruciating. Gotta call the doc this morning. I only hope for his sake he doesn’t request me to come back in there for another visit co-payment, because I will seriously blow if that happens. Hell I just want to be semi-well for my daughter’s college graduation Saturday, which is now just 3 short days away.
Ah, nice… Diamond Rio now plays – What a Beautiful Mess I’m In. Take a big breath Bon. Breathe in deep through that stopped-up nose, all the way down through those rattly lungs of yours. And Don’t Forget To Smile Big.
My guy comes over last night with more meds for his sickly little girlfriend. I was the recipient of stroking and petting all night long while I was so miserable. He constantly massaged my forehead and face, legs and back, never tiring. With each new day I love him more, it amazes me still. Everything about him is so very precious. I could never have asked for a man as good as he, and yes – I do realize how very lucky I am.
In closing, I have to share a link to my Mother’s blog this morning, because for one I love her writing – and two, it is very much what it says… Deep. Go to Linda’s Blog
K found him on a jobsite, lying on his back. He picked him up, turned him over, and inspected him for injury. The little guy appeared to be okay… his little head and arms moved ever so slowly, but he was alive. He kept him safe until the workday’s end and decided to take him home. He made a little temporary aquarium with about 1″ of dirt and mulch, water, and made a little igloo for him to hide in from a half a naval orange peel he cut with a little ‘door’.
My boyfriend had found a endangered box turtle. This little thing is tiny – only a tad bigger than his own thumbprint. He likely would never have survived, as he was stuck on his back beside a fence in the middle of nothing but red dust.
When I drove up Saturday, he directed me over to his birdbath to ‘meet’ him. Little Autobot had been placed in the birdbath, along with his little ‘hut’ to hide in. He proudly told me he had just eaten for the first time, a large worm K had just caught and put in the container for him. So far he’s been ‘catching’ his protein for him (worms and insects).
Sunday we drove over to PetSmart, since he wanted to secure Autobot a more permanent home. He found a nice little aquarium along with a watering stone, a permanent hut (igloo made from a coconut) and some food for when insects or other veggies aren’t available.
This is yet another reason I have found to love him even more, which I didn’t think was possible. I’m continually being reminded of the enormous and beautiful heart this man has.
About a week ago a local channel aired an 80’s movie I hadn’t seen in a long time called The Sure Thing. The plot: an unlikely pair of college students that end up falling for each other during a roadtrip to California.
So the name got me thinking – The Sure Thing. How many sure things are there in life? Not many. How can we ever be completely certain of a sure thing? The dictionary describes a sure thing as “An outcome that is assured; a certainty; something that is guaranteed to be successful”.
The only one sure thing I’ve ever had in life personally is that beautiful and shining Promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. That is it – though that is certainly more than we could ever hope for.
So back to what I was leading up to… is it ever possible to have a sure thing in a human being? To actually put your complete trust, love and confidence into a person, and see and feel that trust, love and confidence returned back to you? Moreso, is it smart to do this? Maybe not. What I do know is the more times you’ve been burned in your life, the more difficult it becomes to trust again. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that in order to acquire a sure thing – if there is a human version of a sure thing out there – you have to be willing to take some risks. To not only remain open, but actually be okay with the possibility of failure.
I’ve always wanted that complete trust factor in my life. Always always. Undivided, unequivocal, undiminished trust. Trust that’s so concrete there’s never any room for questions. A two-way trust that is so openly confident that it illuminates the darkness.
I believe I’ve found it – of this I feel more sure than I’ve felt about anything in my entire life.
Oh I’ve got it badddd, I admit it. Probably bad enough to sicken the average person, really. So I don’t write about my love life much at all – I’ve kept it to myself for some time now. At long last, I believe I’ve earned the right to spill my guts.
There is no formula or logic to love. Being in love is like an anchor of reason and romance living in balance. Real love is a complete acceptance of the other person, and of oneself. It resides in the knowledge of one another – what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are, and what our potential is.
So just how DO you know when you’re really in love, that head-over-heels all-consuming kind of love? Now before you judge my own personal reasons below, let me first say that this is not a new relationship. The admittedly amateurish things I’m about to write might lead one to the conclusion this is a brand new infatuation of sorts.
When I receive an email or text I jump right to it, thinking it’s him. Same thing with a phone call. When I notice it’s not from him, I get the same sinking disappointing feeling every time (sorry, friends and family). When it is from him, my stomach suddenly takes on the role of Flipper. He’s on my mind every waking minute of the day. At night, he’s the one I dream of.
I miss him so much when we’re apart, that it almost can be described as an aching type of longing. When we’re together, it just feels right. Everything. All the integers of a successful relationship are present. The level of respect we have for one another is astounding, as well as the appreciation we both have for what we’ve finally found.
I have visions. Not the prediction type – more like daydreams of the life that I imagine for the future. I go off into my own little world with these visions of bliss and happiness. On the other hand – sometimes these visions take a dark u-turn when I have one about losing him. That’s the thing about visions, they build themselves – so oftentimes your worst fears manifest within one.
The way he looks at me makes me melt. His beautiful eyes often tell me a story – it’s difficult to explain. When he looks at me, I can all but see into his soul… I can feel how he is feeling, what he is feeling. His deep voice is both seductive and consuming – it makes me feel safe in a way that I never have before. I can hear his voice even when he’s not around.
I know it’s that kind of love because I can no longer imagine my life without him in it. The mere thought of losing him makes my eyes well up every time… Simply knowing the kind of man he is makes me strive to be a better woman.
And that, my friends, is mi Amore.♥
It’s been a while since I’ve done it – dedicate a blog to count my many blessings. I’ve done enough bitching here recently about my taxes and a few other things, that I actually think I’m overdue on this blessing count.
First and foremost, for the Son Jesus – whom our Lord sent down to die for my countless sins so that I may be cleansed forevermore. I’m very much aware that I have a potty mouth more often than not, but I do know the Truth. I’ll just continue to work on my potty mouth.
I am thankful for the ride to work in the morning, and the sun and the spring. The many leaves that have filled in and shape the trees now, and all the green. Work… what on earth would I do without my job? Can’t even begin to imagine an answer for that one. My ever-faithful car, which has really been a low-maintenance rock of a car. Back home, I have a pantry and refrigerator both full of food. And drink. My small furbaby who loves me unconditionally – every day running to meet me at the door. When I pick her up, she buries her little head in my neck to show me just how far that unconditional love goes.
I’m blessed to have all the comforts I have in my home – my computer, my television, my cozy little kitchen with everything I could ever need at my fingertips. The ease – the ease of it all. The warm baths and hot showers. My exercise machine, my warm comfy bed. The sprawling balcony which overlooks the forest and has become my outdoor sanctuary, and all the living greenery that makes it my home. The clothes and accessories I wear, every toiletry I could ever need in my entire life is at my fingertips. And, I feel healthy.
I’m thankful for my family, and my circle of friends. I could never express how much I truly love and treasure them. My beautiful Mom and Dad who have taught me what love for our Lord really is. My beautiful daughter who has accomplished more in life than I ever thought humanly possible, and is still attacking life largely. And the beautiful man in my life that shows me daily how much he loves me, through his actions and words. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him in it now.
Blessings, countless blessings. Gotta list them out every so often – lest we dwell on the things in life that just don’t matter so much…
You really can’t get any two more different ramblings than those which I have right now. This is me, though. A smorgasbord of thoughts running rampant through an already overactive mind that’s currently working overtime. So I have to unload sometimes, and this blog is my dumpsite. This is my life.
The Life of Bon.
Oh, they’ve finally labeled it. It’s taken this long. (Initial thoughts on Ft. Hood.). The Ft. Hood attacks are now officially being termed as “an act of radical Islamic Muslim Terrorism”. Geez, why couldn’t they have labeled it as such when the details of the attack first surfaced? In my humble opinion we have a buffoon as the Homeland Security Secretary, Ms. Janet “The System Worked” Napolitano. America is slippery at best with her holding this position. I trust her about as far as I can throw her since she’s already been proven a liar. Oh, she needn’t feel alone in her position… I believe her to be just one of many buffoons within the current administration.
When the hell are the higher-ups of this country going to stop worrying about offending the people of Islam by using the term radical Islamic Muslim terrorists? Radical. Islamic. Muslim. Terrorism. Say the damn words! And often. Because it’s alive and well.
On a much different note, I was recently sent a survey via email correspondence that ended up telling you some of the qualities that your perfect mate would possess. Laughable, I know, because those little survey things are never really accurate anyway. But, it got me thinking, what are we really looking for in life from a partner? And is it actually possible to find your soulmate?
Oh yeah… I must go there. So off I go.
- True sincerity.
- He will be honest and forthright.
- He will have high goals set for the future, and consistently work hard to achieve them.
- He will possess confidence in his self without being haughty or boastful.
- He shows kindness and consideration to wait staff, clerks and the general public who services him.
- Noticing a stranger in a tight spot, he will stop to help them.
- He’ll keep his manners about him even when he thinks no one is watching.
- He knows what he wants in life and how to get it – furthermore, gets it.
- He will have a patience level beyond that of anyone I’ve ever known.
- He will have class, and strong moral values.
- He will be a non-smoker. (Only because I have to stay quit myself.)
- He will love his children unmercifully.
- He will provide a strong sense of stability, and is reliable.
- He will have impeccable hygiene.
- He’ll enjoy taking that occasional trip or vacation.
- He will be tall.
- Loves to laugh and cut up, but also knows when to be serious.
- He will do his best to protect me at any cost.
- He’ll be a hard worker in whatever profession he has.
- He will be able to calm me when I am in disarray.
- He will believe the Bible is the Truth, and love and trust our Lord.
- He’ll respect my southern belle beliefs.
- He will never show even the slightest hint of violent behavior.
- He will love animals.
- He will have me on his mind 24/7, and I’ll know this only because he tells me so.
And I will never, even once, doubt his love for me.
Sound like a lot to be looking for? I say, nah. These are the essential traits I’m in search of. As well, I would expect everyone has that mental list of necessary traits they’re seeking in a lifetime partner. Realizing that no one is ever going to find that exact match, neither do I believe we have to settle. The truth is, we are all sinners saved by Grace – so there’s not a perfect one of us out there. But there are certain key elements we must insist on in order to maintain a long and successful relationship. These just happen to be mine…
The grammy awards were on last night and boy does that show get better every year. Guess they have to keep bringing it bigger and better, everything’s so competitive now. I love music. It is a part of my soul, period, and always will be.
So we’re one month closer to Spring….
February 1st. Today marks 6 months of being together for my guy and me. Of us. Wow, doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. When we started seeing each other, it was still summer. Those days were spent in tank tops, flip flops and swimsuits. Hot days, and warm sweet evenings.
I remember something about him just felt right even in the beginning. Having had jumped in and out of a couple of relationships earlier in the year, of course I was skeptical. I had to be skeptical, for my own good. And, so did he.
Along the way, we’ve helped one another heal, in a sense. Even though a certain length of time had passed from the separation of our spouses, there were still those rough patches. To possess the ability to listen to each other is a big thing. That’s only one thing I love most about him. We can sit and have a conversation for hours, and never lack for a subject. This man is also as honest as the day is long.
We’ve seen a lot of pretty places in our time together. Cherokee, Blowing Rock, several mountain trips really. To the beach to bring in the New Year, which was a first for me. It was awesome to finally bring in the New Year again with someone you love, and throwing the beach in there made it even more special. Our trips have definitely been a lot of fun, and you also learn a lot about a person when you take trips with them. 🙂
We take things one day at a time. And practice what the song says, “Love Like Crazy”.
I am grateful for the man I’ve found. Rather, I like to think we found each other….
Do you ever stop and wonder about the order in which things take place in your life? I do.
Takes me back to the old saying, Everything happens for a reason. How about this one – That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Always liked that one. And, can’t forget, Anything worth having is worth working for. Yeah, I know.
Our kids. We would never change that part. Our kids are and always will be our heart. Unconditional love, no matter what kind of hand life ends up dealing us.
But the other stuff. All those other sets of events that we may or may not be so fond of. Have you ever wondered what would be different now if you could go back and change things or switch the order of certain events in your life? To perhaps ‘earn back’ some of that lost time?
All of a sudden the time-tornado hits ya, you turn around and you’re forty. I jumped from 20 to 40 – with a fresh-from-scratch start to life. Now just how the hell did that happen?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sitting on a mountain of regret over here. I used to be, though. I do realize now that anything we’ve been through in life shapes the individual we are today. This wouldn’t be the events theirselves – but instead how we handled it in the end. The outcome. My own decisions. My own path.
The clock struck midnight. And the day was done.
It’s not wasted time. The times of the past, all the time that leads up to now, is not forever lost in vain. Here’s another favorite – You can’t drive forward if you’re constantly looking in the rear view mirror.
It’s amazing really, the amount of love we have inside us. The ability to heal from inside, and regain the ability to share that love….I’m speaking for myself, of course, when I say I have an enormous amount inside of me. ♥
Life – it’s umm…. well, it’s just beginning. And I really like that.
What does it take to be at the point in your life of finding someone real and genuine? After talking with a friend about this last night, I’ve done some more thinking on the subject. Dangerous, I know. 🙂
I honestly think some people never reach this point, and that is very unfortunate. Oftentimes in the younger years, people concern themselves with qualities in a mate that carry little significance. How much wealth they may have, whether or not they are of ‘trophy’ status, etc. I’m not saying these things shouldn’t matter at all – it just shouldn’t lead the search. Way too often you give up the true and sincere qualities of a person for these things.
If you do reach the point of seeking the real and genuine person, it’s usually in the later years of your life, and could come from being in a very hurtful or damaging relationship that’s ‘shed light’ on these very qualities that really matter in a relationship. Being real and genuine covers a big ground. Honesty, integrity, loyalty… lends the ability to love, totally and completely. In searching for the ‘right thing’, it also makes you a better person.
For the second year, my little artificial tree looks good decorated. I remember when I bought it last December, the first Christmas on ‘my own’. My daughter had insisted I get a tree – even threatening to buy one for me and bring it over, so my hand was forced in putting one up. I made the trip to the local Walmart and picked out the least expensive artificial tree I could find. At least it matched my height – I didn’t want one shorter than me. As I tracked around browsing the different trees, the fact seemed to rush me that I was the only single person in that section. This particular evening, all the couples seemed to be happy and laughing. I hurried to the checkout to pay for my purchase and was crying by the time I hit the parking lot. Yeah, pity party is right. Those came quite easily back then.
I look back to that day and compare where I’m at now. What’s changed? What’s remained the same?
It was never my ‘wish’ to be alone. It was something that had to happen – something that I was going to have to learn to deal with, and adjust to, period. The path proved to be a long one. Having been married my entire adult life, I had to face the task of acquainting myself with Bonnie. I had to learn to know her, realize her flaws, her weaknesses, as well as the good things, like her kindnesses and warmth. From this came being able to accept myself, then like myself. A long journey it was – but yes, finally came loving myself. The old saying happens to be true, that if you don’t love yourself, no one else can love you either. That’s the part that has changed since last December.
What hasn’t changed is the fact that I still live alone – which really isn’t so much of a hindrance anymore. My loved ones still remain all around me.
Oh, and as of yesterday, something else that has changed…. I’m now also the proud owner of a Christmas door wreath. 🙂