Go… and Be Happy.

I often wish I’d started blogging a while back. Then again, if I had, it would’ve been the most boring drawn-out process of arriving at the point I’m at now – which is happy. Yes, money is more than tight, referencing yesterday’s rant… but I am happy.

About a year and a half ago, I wrote a few blogs on another site. This site isn’t public and I’m thinking of closing it down soon, so I wanted a ‘storage bin’ to house a couple of them. I’m thinking my current blog would be a good storage choice. Rereading them just now, I once again stumbled upon what I was so desperately searching for from the very beginning…

The Quest for Happiness.

Guess I need a refresher course every now and again… So, go ahead – make the jump. But above all………. be happy.

Friday, April 10, 2009
A Good Life
Category: Life

Life is good.

Simple words, aren’t they?  Actually these three words can branch out in so many directions and mean so many things.  Right now I’m partial to what they symbolize to me.

Which is, the ultimate realization that I am happily independent.  It’s taken me a while to say that with some enthusiasm, but man oh man – what a great feeling it is to finally get to know, and actually like, your own self.

And finally being able to say…. ‘I did it’.  While smiling.

The forever analyst that I am, I’d find myself constantly searching for the flaws in my own character that might have led up to or even caused the ending of my old life.  It took me a while to realize that until I embraced my own self, gave myself some actual worth, that I would in fact be alone in my new life.  You absolutely are how others see you.  Might be sad – but this is fact.

Being off work on a holiday, getting up and having the day with which to do exactly as you please, no one to answer to…. though a rarity, how glorious is that?  There are so many people confined in a tempestuous or otherwise unhappy relationship that dictates their every move, even on a day off from work.  Actually, days off are usually even more trying if you’re in a relationship that’s gone south.  I sincerely remember.

This morning I do my usual cleanup of self and house – then cook 2 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast lightly buttered, add grape jam – and oh, can’t forget the OJ with lots’ o pulp.  Savoring every bite sitting on my porch while looking out at all the new greenery, I thought to myself…. ‘only breakfast at the beach could top this right now’.  Mr. Huge Hovering Devil Bee who’s positioned himself directly above the railing to watch me eat doesn’t even bother me.

The most simplistic things in life really are the most important.  The sunrises, sunsets…. the birds building and mating in the Spring (in my hanging basket, no less).  A good breakfast.  Looking forward to the imminent thunderstorm.  Crossing the bridge and gazing at the ‘diamonds on the water’; locking them into memory.  I told a friend recently that I’ve gotten pretty good at driving a straight line on the bridge while my head is turned completely towards the lake. LOL  In any case, the love and appreciation for these things will only come once you are truly satisfied and content with your own self worth.  I am forever thankful for being at that point in my life.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Setting the REAL record straight
Category: Romance and Relationships

Every so often I get the urge to write a blog. Although the urge isn’t really there today, I more just feel the need to. Jot down some things that have been weighing on my mind, all related to the colorful year I’ve had so far. A year that’s made me feel failure-esque for the most part.

To try and understand how there can be so many fake people in the world is a daily struggle. What does it take anymore to be REAL? Out of two relationships I’ve had this year, both have failed. I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless. What I am saying is that both of these individuals happened to not be ‘real’.

Though a world different in all other areas, both individuals had this one little trait in common. Neither were genuine – neither were real. They both were masters of disguising theirselves as someone they were not. Whether it’s covering up something of grave importance (case #1) or leading someone to believe you lead a life that doesn’t really exist, along with hidden anger issues (case #2) – the simple fact remains… YOU AREN’T BEING REAL.

I realize it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At the time, it did make me wonder why I even bothered to put myself out there. Was there something about me that attracted this type of masqueraded personality? Was I really that gullible? Or did I want to be loved so badly that I was turning my head to the obvious? After much thought, I’ve decided to suspend the search for the answer – instead moving forward with slightly more ware on life this time.

Recently I’ve reconnected with someone who has showed me that there are still real people in the world. This person has also dealt with a not-real someone in their own life for many years. It’s been helpful and healing to share our experiences, and realize that we aren’t so alone in our quest to find someone out there that is genuine. Although we’re still in the early stages of a relationship, I can say that through him, I am slowly learning to trust again. That guard is still somewhat in place – as I’m sure his is too. We’d both be fools not to, right?