Six legs too many
It’s spider season again. Time to break out my double-wammy industrial-strength pow-wow… ummmmm, concoction.
Spiders??? Oh Bon, surely you can’t be talking about now… it’s June!!!… simply can’t be. In any case, I’m sure the problem is minutely miniscule…
Ahem. Never mind the Fall season when you see all the Wolf ‘writing’ spiders. Ole Bon’s spiders say the time is now. Every morning I go down two sets of stairs looking like a zombie – left arm filled with my workbag, purse, lunch and sometimes trash, and right arm waving back and forth in front of me like a freaking moron. If I try to throw in a glance around myself to make sure no one’s watching, I lose balance and almost fall down the steps – it must be hilarious to watch. As recently as this morning, I was clotheslined by yet another invisible web on the second floor. I promptly **dropped** everything and completed two full 360’s all while appearing to have a seizure, all done in order to entertain the average viewer. You are welcome.
This takes me back to when I first moved in my current residence. It was May of ’08, and the first thing I noticed was a spider infestation. The couple that resided here for ten years prior to me were elderly, and it didn’t seem to bother them. Enter Bon. Believe me when I say it did bother me. Apparently my predecessors either a) didn’t care about the spiders or b) literally couldn’t see them. I’m shooting for the latter. I mean, these people were in their 90’s…
I was absolutely horrified. Here I was, finally, in my own little condo – perfect in every way except for a spider infestation. The balcony seemed to be the worst, so that’s where I picked to start. I made a trip to the local hardware store and bought a gallon-sized industrial strength pesticide which even came equipped with a strong pump-stream system. Just pull back on the external trigger nozzle until completely loaded, and that baby’ll spray for a full 20 seconds at warp speed. Once I positioned myself on the stepladder and started spraying through the rafters, I completed the first two walls rather quickly. All the sudden the damn things started coming out by the dozens, spinning their long silk and swinging towards me. I immediately felt like a character out of a Stephen King book, already visualizing myself taking that accidental fall from a ladder over a third story ledge. I’m not talking small spiders – the littlest ones were about the size of my thumbprint, and that doesn’t include legs. These ‘things’ had been allowed to infest the place for so long that they had ‘morphed’ into some sort of amazon gargantuan thing not from this planet. A mega-spider, if you will. I panicked screamed. Ducked left, ducked right, and finally ducked inside – all while cursing myself for spraying more than one wall at a time, in turn pretty much barricading myself out of my home. Finally, after a couple of days of exterminating (one wall at a time from here on out, thank you) the porch was wiped clean of spiders.
Ahhhh… I am victorious!! And so was born the quest for a huge superhero applique for the front of my t-shirt. SB, for SuperBon. Or maybe even SpiderBon.
What I neglected to address in my extermination efforts was the fact that I may well have pushed some most of them indoors. Maybe they existed beforehand, I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that within those couple of days, more and more spiders began making their glorious appearing indoors – and that didn’t work for me. One night, I pulled back the comforter and sheets to get in bed – unveiling two very large black spiders smack-dab* in the middle of my bed. Realizing their newfound exposure, one shoots off to the right and the other to the left (again, like something fresh out of a nightmare). To this very day I maintain those things were mating in my bed. I managed to kill one, but never found the other. As for me, I remained in a light-filled room sitting upright in the fetal position for the rest of the night. Tucking my knees under my chin, I balled my eyes out. And come morning, I was completely unrecognizable by the people closest to me – although by this point it was questionable as to whether I had actually been bit by spiders and might be having a bad allergic reaction that swelled my entire face up.
I can laugh about all of this now. It wasn’t at all long after the ‘bed incident’ that I was completely spider-free… thanks once again to the heroic efforts of SuperBon/SpiderBon.
(But I wouldn’t want to do it all again.)
*Southern Slang definition of the day: Smack-dab: squarely, and directly.
Visit from beyond
I was ushered in through the foyer, past the living room and down the hallway. The doorknob to the right was turned, and the door opened for me to enter the room.
Their room.
The room itself was bigger than I remember, and had a radiant, almost heavenly look about it. I immediately noticed that it was cleaner, whiter, and less congested. It was almost pristine – with much extra room to move around. Just as quickly as the door closed behind me, they appeared.
The dogs.
My dogs. The dogs I had to leave behind through a marriage separation, now well over two years ago. And they were smiling. C’mon now, no bashing… any dog-lover out there knows what I’m talking about. They DO smile.
I don’t remember actually getting down on the floor, but in the next moment that’s exactly where I was, and where I remained. Chance and Rebel were all over me, and I was all over them. They were both clean as a whistle and smelled so good. There also was no gray in them whatsoever. The dogs weren’t pups, but they certainly weren’t old men, either! Along the empty sides and corners of the room, there were lots of clean blankets and sheets, all neatly folded – there must have been 8-10 of them scattered throughout the room. As time went on I kept grabbing them, unfolding each one and spreading them out for us, all while continuing to love on them. I remember thinking, ‘boy is someone gonna be mad at me for unfolding and messing up all these linens…’, but the dogs were loving it, and loving me. All three of us were so happy and comfortable, in that room.
The tears continue to fall as I write this. This particular visit occurred in a dream I had last night, on Tuesday night.
I believe it all started when I asked my daughter to take a picture so I could see them. I was at work Monday when I received them, and it immediately made me cry. My girlfriends at work saw this and were very sweet and caring – they are good friends and fellow animal-lovers to boot, so they understood without even saying anything. Just to see how gray the little and big guy’s faces had both gotten in two years was shocking – in particular Rebel’s, the boxer.
I’ve tried to force them out of my mind for a long time now because it’s just been too painful to think about. That still remains the case. I guess somehow, unfortunately, love really is associated with pain. Whatever the case is, I do still miss them greatly.
It was a good visit. No, it was better than good. The visit was awesome, even perfect. I hope they visit me again soon. Or should I say… allow me to visit them.
One of the pictures my daughter sent me
To thine own self be true
It doesn’t do me good to sit and ponder life too often, because when I do so it usually makes me want to cry. And anyone who knows me knows how much I hate to cry. The massive headache and swollen frog eyes afterward always make me regret it. Psshh, like I could’ve done anything to prevent it, anyway.
The things in life I have no control over. Okay, I can’t do anything to improve our economic crisis. I can’t prevent the massive amount of crime in the world. I’m not able to do a damn thing about that oilspill disaster that appears to have no end in sight. But what seems to be the hardest pill to swallow is hearing of someone you know and care about sit back and ruin their own self. And of how it’s affecting the ones who love them most.
A countdown to self-destruct. And I cannot do or say a thing about it. I cannot interfere.
Cry along
Although being a parent can be one of the most rewarding responsibilities in life, it’s also well-known to be the toughest.
Parenting. Everyone has their own idea of what it means, a mental list of what all it entails. There are no two sets of individual views that are exactly alike, because even if they possess similarities – the end result is always the same. Bottom line, God really does break the mold when he finishes making each and every one of us.
No matter how old they get, we as parents will never stop worrying about our children. As a young lady, I used to shrug that sentence off when my very own Mother would say it, usually throwing in the old eye-roll. I remember how I used to feel when I was young. As a young adult, I believed my parents either thought I wasn’t smart enough in my own decision-making, or I perceived them as trying to ‘rain on my parade’. Boy have I ever made some wrong choices in life that I’d been forewarned about. When I would fall down, there would be no “I told you so’s”. What happened then, when I fell? My Mother knelt down to me and cried along with me.
It’s hard when you see the wants in life overpowering the needs. I’m talking about the real needs. The Necessities. I was always told, ‘just worry about getting what you need… your wants will come later’. I still have a lot of wants, but that’s okay, I have most everything I need. The week-to-week struggle to maintain daily life definitely takes it’s toll sometimes – but I never forget to be thankful for a good job. Because of that, there is gas in my car and food in my belly. And by the Grace of God, a roof over my head.
Control is no longer an option. There comes a time when our babies wings are finally developed enough to soar the skies – we can’t and shouldn’t hold them back. But sincere advice, cordially delivered, is an option. And as a lifelong loving parent, a God-given right. I only pray for the realization of basic needs to overpower the wants. Any parent who genuinely loves their children only wants the best for them – for them to have sincere happiness, health and prosperity. As for what the future holds – if there ever is an instance of falling down… I will do the only thing that I’m able to do as a parent.
I will kneel down and cry along with them.
Confidentially speaking
A Confidant: a close friend or associate to whom secrets are confided or with whom private matters and problems are discussed.
We all know one, most of us have one or two. They’re the best friend type. That seemingly loyal person you can always lean on in your time of need, since they seem to never tire of being that rock for you.
Unfortunately sometimes, hidden within that confidant exterior, therein lies a snake. The UNconfidant. This person can come in many varying shades and hues. They may be a family member. They could be someone from your social life. They may be someone you work with. You may or may not have been acquainted with this person for many years, them having earned your trust through a friendship or business association. Sometimes they hide behind religion or other sources.
The UNconfidant will work diligently to finagle information from you. He not only shares your private information freely with others, but will use it against you should it promise to further his own self. He will literally burn a streak in the carpet to reach the destination where he may begin wagging his tongue. Meanwhile, the source is clueless as to the intentions of the slithering UNconfidant.
Be careful, friends – this person may be right under your nose, much closer than you would ever think. The weak need them – the lonely yearn for them – and only the wise can spot them.
Just sittin’ on the outside, lookin’ in….
Go… and Be Happy.
I often wish I’d started blogging a while back. Then again, if I had, it would’ve been the most boring drawn-out process of arriving at the point I’m at now – which is happy. Yes, money is more than tight, referencing yesterday’s rant… but I am happy.
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a few blogs on another site. This site isn’t public and I’m thinking of closing it down soon, so I wanted a ‘storage bin’ to house a couple of them. I’m thinking my current blog would be a good storage choice. Rereading them just now, I once again stumbled upon what I was so desperately searching for from the very beginning…
The Quest for Happiness.
Guess I need a refresher course every now and again… So, go ahead – make the jump. But above all………. be happy.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Good Life
Category: Life
Life is good.
Simple words, aren’t they? Actually these three words can branch out in so many directions and mean so many things. Right now I’m partial to what they symbolize to me.
Which is, the ultimate realization that I am happily independent. It’s taken me a while to say that with some enthusiasm, but man oh man – what a great feeling it is to finally get to know, and actually like, your own self.
And finally being able to say…. ‘I did it’. While smiling.
The forever analyst that I am, I’d find myself constantly searching for the flaws in my own character that might have led up to or even caused the ending of my old life. It took me a while to realize that until I embraced my own self, gave myself some actual worth, that I would in fact be alone in my new life. You absolutely are how others see you. Might be sad – but this is fact.
Being off work on a holiday, getting up and having the day with which to do exactly as you please, no one to answer to…. though a rarity, how glorious is that? There are so many people confined in a tempestuous or otherwise unhappy relationship that dictates their every move, even on a day off from work. Actually, days off are usually even more trying if you’re in a relationship that’s gone south. I sincerely remember.
This morning I do my usual cleanup of self and house – then cook 2 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast lightly buttered, add grape jam – and oh, can’t forget the OJ with lots’ o pulp. Savoring every bite sitting on my porch while looking out at all the new greenery, I thought to myself…. ‘only breakfast at the beach could top this right now’. Mr. Huge Hovering Devil Bee who’s positioned himself directly above the railing to watch me eat doesn’t even bother me.
The most simplistic things in life really are the most important. The sunrises, sunsets…. the birds building and mating in the Spring (in my hanging basket, no less). A good breakfast. Looking forward to the imminent thunderstorm. Crossing the bridge and gazing at the ‘diamonds on the water’; locking them into memory. I told a friend recently that I’ve gotten pretty good at driving a straight line on the bridge while my head is turned completely towards the lake. LOL In any case, the love and appreciation for these things will only come once you are truly satisfied and content with your own self worth. I am forever thankful for being at that point in my life.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Setting the REAL record straight
Category: Romance and Relationships
Every so often I get the urge to write a blog. Although the urge isn’t really there today, I more just feel the need to. Jot down some things that have been weighing on my mind, all related to the colorful year I’ve had so far. A year that’s made me feel failure-esque for the most part.
To try and understand how there can be so many fake people in the world is a daily struggle. What does it take anymore to be REAL? Out of two relationships I’ve had this year, both have failed. I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless. What I am saying is that both of these individuals happened to not be ‘real’.
Though a world different in all other areas, both individuals had this one little trait in common. Neither were genuine – neither were real. They both were masters of disguising theirselves as someone they were not. Whether it’s covering up something of grave importance (case #1) or leading someone to believe you lead a life that doesn’t really exist, along with hidden anger issues (case #2) – the simple fact remains… YOU AREN’T BEING REAL.
I realize it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At the time, it did make me wonder why I even bothered to put myself out there. Was there something about me that attracted this type of masqueraded personality? Was I really that gullible? Or did I want to be loved so badly that I was turning my head to the obvious? After much thought, I’ve decided to suspend the search for the answer – instead moving forward with slightly more ware on life this time.
Recently I’ve reconnected with someone who has showed me that there are still real people in the world. This person has also dealt with a not-real someone in their own life for many years. It’s been helpful and healing to share our experiences, and realize that we aren’t so alone in our quest to find someone out there that is genuine. Although we’re still in the early stages of a relationship, I can say that through him, I am slowly learning to trust again. That guard is still somewhat in place – as I’m sure his is too. We’d both be fools not to, right?
Pressure’s on
My poor baby girl is so stressed right now, and I feel so bad for her. She has to submit a 15 to 20-page thesis as the last of her assignments before final exams (due Thursday) (tomorrow) and she’s really pushed the time limit on it. The very tightly-wound up little ball of stress came over yesterday and I cooked dinner for us, and halfway through dinner she was laughing and cutting up again. She told me about this party she went to that was primarily Latino, so after dinner we watched a stint of Katt Williams on Latinos – and ended up laughing our asses off. (Trust me, the Latinos were laughing their asses off too, he’s friggin hilarious.) It’s gotta be so tough having everything pile up right at graduation time, and although I haven’t been through that type of stress – I do understand it. She texted me at roughly 2:30am and again at 4:50am, still awake and unable to sleep. I wish I could do something to make it all easier, but isn’t that what we as parents always wish for?
My guy is taking her and I out for Japanese Thursday night and I’m looking forward to that. I told her it’ll be a celebration of sorts – hopefully by then a good portion of the weight will have been lifted and we’ll all enjoy ourselves. Gave her a wake-up call just a bit ago and she’s already in tears – hasn’t had any sleep and stress central. It’s literally ripping my heart out…
Life’s so hard sometimes. The old saying when it rains, it pours is really true. When shit goes down it seems to all go down at one time. Hang in there like I know you will, baby girl… you’ll get it done. And you’ll see it’ll all be worth it.
Alpha Omega
It’s here, that time… it’s finally here. I’m holding in my hands the tickets to my little girl’s college commencement ceremony. Boy, no one could’ve made me believe that simply being handed the tickets would throw me in such an emotional state.
It seems like only yesterday we were moving her in her dorm. I can see her now running around in her Yankees Jeter jersey and 2 long pig-tail braids hanging down beneath her hat. It was hotter than 10 Haitis outside, and she and her roomie had packed enough between 3 cars and a large SUV to not only furnish the dorm room but an entire apartment.
Dorm move-in day, Aug. 17th 2006 – Julia on right, her roomie Lauren on left.
Since it was the first freshman move-in day, the campus was swamped with students and parents everywhere. Her roomie Lauren’s Dad, her Dad and I made countless trips back and forth from the parking lot to the dorm building in the extreme heat. After just a few trips, we noticed the girls were nowhere to be found. They were out being social butterflies while we were moving them in! As I look back, I remember arguing with her Dad about it. I know he remembers this, and we can actually laugh about it now. There at the end, when we were ringing wet and about to pass out from the heat, in bops Julia and Lauren with a couple of ‘cute’ strong lads they’d hooked up with to ‘help’ us. Those lads ended up getting the last load or two, and with us being at the passing-out point, we were ever-grateful.
Julia really is a rare find of a kid. From start to finish, her college education has totally been funded through her own student loans. It was to be a tenure that ended up surviving a series of curve balls – including the breakup of her parent’s marriage halfway through it. I’ve watched as countless friends of hers have either dropped out or otherwise were dismissed from college because of grades – but hers is a true success story. Over the last four years, I watched her worked her ass off for the education she knew she needed in life. She’s now earned this reward by much sweat of her brow – time, effort, and a lot of hard work. She’s always been the kind of girl that knows what she wants, and doesn’t mind working hard to get there.
I already know that the day in mid-May when she walks across the stage will be one of the most emotional days of my life. I could not be more proud of her, and I know for a fact her entire family is too.
A private hell
Seems like we hear more and more about cheating and abusive husbands. Now, more often than ever, we see these type of relationships coming to violent and tragic endings. Believe me, I’m very much aware of the fact that women cheat too, and some are abusive. When it comes to physical abuse though, the majority of the victims are women. Sadly, of the two issues, one often precipitates the other. While cheating and abuse both make me shudder, the two in combination are enough to take a person’s sanity.
I’ve written enough about infidelity enough to last me a lifetime. I am not nor am I trying to be an expert on the subject of abuse, mental or physical – the fact is that I am just very empathetic when it comes to these issues. The cold and heartless ‘I don’t feel a bit sorry for her – she could leave and get the hell out, but she chooses to stay’ never ceases to amaze me. Yeah, right. Unfortunately, more often than not, it isn’t that simple.
Fear prevails. Not only fear of her mate, but perhaps fear of sheer survival on her own. A woman may stay for her kids. Some women think and are made to believe ‘I must’ve done something to push his buttons’, and continually strive to avoid it happening in the future. They learn what not to bring up. They’re made well aware that their feelings are not meant to be shared, and that doing so will anger him. When she’s repeatedly told things like ‘no one else will put up with your sorry ass’ it eventually makes her believe that she’s worthless and unlovable to others. After so much time has passed living this life, she’s left with this shell of what used to be a whole person – just waiting to be led through yet another day. Week. Month. Year.
The next thing you know, half a lifetime has passed.
Anyone who reads this that is identifying with it in any way, shape or form – I beg you to seek help. There are places out there to help you. If you don’t have family to turn to, there are agencies and non-profit organizations out there who do care. Please don’t ‘stay’ and become a statistic. Read the news – the statistics are growing.
Here are a few signs of possibly being in an abusive relationship. If you find yourself identifying with even just a few of them, please take a step back and think about it…
You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
- is jealous or possessive toward you (jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships) this can include constant accusations of you cheating or running around on him/her
- tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding
- tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts, friendships, or even family ties
- is violent and/or loses temper quickly
- abuses drugs or alcohol
- claims you are responsible for his/her emotional state (‘you sure know how to push my buttons’)
- blames YOU when he/she mistreats you.
- has a history of bad relationships
- you frequently worry about how he/she will react to things you say or do
- makes ‘jokes’ that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, whether privately or around family/friends
- your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, or was abused themselves as a child
- your partner frequently ‘rages’ when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control
- you leave your partner frequently, only to return – against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones
- you have trouble ending the relationship even though inside you know it’s the right thing to do
Does the person you love:
- constantly keep track of your time?
- act jealous and possessive?
- accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
- discourage your relationships with friends and family?
- prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
- constantly criticize or belittle you?
- insist on control of all the finances and force you to account for every bit you spend? (except for reasonable cooperative budgeting)
- humiliate you in front of others? (including ‘jokes’ at your expense)
- take your personal property or sentimental items?
- keep daily mail from you, including taking it back to his work to store?
- have affairs?
- threaten to hurt you, your children or your pets? threaten to use a weapon?
- push, hit, slap, punch, kick or bite you or your children?
- force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be accessed from 50 states. Go ahead, launch the link below. It’ll truly break your heart to see what’s on top of the front webpage. They call it a ‘quick escape’ button that you can push to quickly exit the page if your abusive partner were to walk in and see what you’re looking at. If this is not a true jolt of reality, nothing is – it’s real, it’s thriving, and it’s growing. Continuing to keep quiet about it is continuing to feed it. Help get the word out that we no longer have to tolerate this type of behavior from a partner. God bless.
National Domestic Violence Hotline website: http://www.ndvh.org/
National Domestic Violence Hotline phone: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
Abs
The radio stations are having a field day with this little clip this morning. In none other than our very own Rock Hill, SC, a man was arrested and charged with hitting another motel guest in the face with a snake. Yeah, you heard that right. Only in the south, baby – only in the south.
So I got my first paycheck since switching my exemptions from one to zero. Exactly a seventy-five dollar difference (cut) in pay. Owww DAMN that hurts like a bitch. Expletive, expletive, expletive. Shit.
Gotta get in the zone. A different zone. Look forward to the weekend, Bon, quit thinking about bills and such. You pay what you CAN pay, no amount of worrying will aid you in doing any better. Effing BREATHE.
Abs are sore. Yeah. Focus on the abs.
Pink so rocks – and this song sums me up today.
Tax man strikes again
There’s nothing like coming into work with work actually in your box to do and a big ole’ pipin’ hot bowl of instant grits waiting on ya. Okay, that last part’s a southern thing, and since it’s already been made apparent that I’m easy to please, none of this should come as a surprise.
Everything is SO green outside – huge difference from the dull dead winter look. Here’s a view from the southwest window of my office. The geese must still be sleeping, or bathing somewhere.
Mailed my taxes off yesterday. Did I mention I owe over $1200 in taxes for last year? I have no idea how… and it ruined the majority of my Sunday last weekend. My tax advisor did tell me to change my exemptions from one back to zero from here on out, which I promptly did Monday. So the question of the day is, do I have a check for the amount in full mailed along with my taxes? Hell no. The good ole’ IRS is getting a nicely typed letter requesting stating that I will need to arrange a payment schedule. Hey, what else can I do? It’s not like there’s $1200 just sitting around a fire singing Kumbaya for me to nab.
The old ‘blood from a turnip’ saying comes to mind.
Don’t even get me started.
I got this part wrong when I first posted the blog so I’m making a correction. A while back my Mother did some genealogy research (looking up of ancestors/roots), and one side is from England and the other from Ireland. Anywho, one was a damn tax collector. I initially said the tax collector was of English origin but he was actually Irish.
I like most Americans am eagerly anticipating the weekend. A dear friend is having a 50th birthday party, and I’m looking forward to that. Also a few errands to run in between, but that’s par for the course. I won’t get all gushy and talk about looking forward to see my guy – oh well, guess I just did.♥ He’s been crazy busy this week – and I’ll just say I’m very proud of him and leave it at that. 😉
Bon-thought for the day:
My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.
Head thoughts
What are these guys thinking. Just WTF ARE THEY THINKING. Yes, I am absolutely on a tirade. This is another truly unavoidable rant for me so I’ll go ahead and say click off now if bad language offends you.
Will there ever come a time when these men stop thinking with their penises. Note I used the word these men – meaning I am not referencing all men.
Sandra B appears to be the freshest victim of infidelity within a marriage. Here’s a very independent woman who previously stated on many occasions she’d never marry – and didn’t until she was 40. A strong female – she’s also credited for being funny, kind, and down to earth. All this is quite refreshing and rare for a Hollywood star. Because of these qualities, along with that beautiful smile and contagious laugh of hers, most of America has fallen in love with her. Oh did I mention she’s gorgeous? There’s your bonus.
So while she’s busy working to earn an Oscar on the other side of the continent, her husband Jesse aka scuz is busy porking a tatted-up biker porn skank.
Geez, why the name-calling, Bon?
Because I can. Now before anyone gets their panties in a wad, NO – I don’t have anything against tattoos. I don’t have anything against bikers, either. I do however have something against a homewrecker aka skank. Have any one of you seen pictures of this ‘woman’?? If not, please google, and feel free to let me know if the logic of my slang name-calling is not founded. Pretty damn simple! A tatted-up biker porn skank. I don’t buy her little story that she believed “He told me he was no longer with her, that they weren’t even living together”. C’mon – a REAL woman knows there comes a time in your life where you have to put your big girl panties on and check up on these guys. ‘Cause guess what? They lie.
Although realistically speaking, does this one even deserve a slot in the lie category? Sandra was filming in Georgia… and staying on site there while filming. So the “I’m no longer with her, we aren’t even living together” was a great workaround. He’s a sly one, that scuz is. See, the scuz knew the skank would buy into what he told her in a way that benefitted him. And, in the long run, her too. Because if she wasn’t rich before, she’s gonna be now.
Homewrecker. My personal opinion is that she sought him out, admittedly having sent him pictures in hopes of getting a modeling job there at that infamous West Coast bike company of his. I’ve had to deal with one such skank in my own personal life, for which I credit my ability at being able to spot one now.
So. Say she did seek him out. He bit. Trust me, I’m not blaming the skank any more than the scuz. To me, they’re both equally at fault – at the most hurtful and devious act one can commit against their partner in a marriage. Which is why they’re a scuz and a skank.
All the money in the world can’t buy happiness for ‘these men’. For them, true happ-penis apparently comes from having the best of both worlds, or hell maybe three or four worlds. This means having a good woman at home as well as a side-serving of one or more tramps. Is it some sort of power thing with these men? Seriously, I wish someone would explain it to me. Because I still don’t understand the risks they take, the lies they must tell to accommodate the risks, and the good women they end up destroying with their selfish acts. I guess I’ll never understand it.
Bon, why do you care? It’s Hollywood stars, you don’t know them! Why do you concern yourself?
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the infidelity stick in your marriage, male or female – you’ll empathize with others that endure the same. Celebrities are much more widely publicized, and if you’re a fan it makes it all the more personal to you. My opinions written here are just that, my own opinions – just like the time I wrote of my empathy for Elin on Tiger’s many indiscretions.
Unless something monumental breaks on the recent woes of these two, my opinion’s not gonna change. All I’ve got to say is, JJ my man – you just gave up the best thing you’ll EVER have. If it wasn’t apparent before, it is now – you never deserved a woman like that in the first place.
First Impressions
Anyone who knows me knows what a sucker I am for a good writer. Yesterday I happened upon a piece that made a huge impact on me. I’ve since researched it to find not only are there many variances of it, but the author to be unknown. That’s a real shame, because this brilliant composition deserves to be credited with a name. Another variance of the title I found is ‘A Time Comes In Your Life’. I believe the original to be ‘The Awakening’. Please take note that I did not write it.
This piece stands further apart from just about anything I’ve ever read. I relate on a personal level with virtually all of what is written. This is really good stuff… hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that “alone” does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
~Author Unknown
The Ruin of the Village
As I travel to work this morning, it’s so peaceful. The long stretch of highway that still harbors undeveloped land is my serenity during the drive in. As I gaze at the car traveling ahead, I take note of the rhythmic falling of frozen snow from it’s body. It seems to align perfectly with the melodic voice of Gary LeVox in the background. Yeah. Peaceful.
And I think. And wonder. Why it is that certain people try so hard to ruin other’s peace.
Now, I realize the true definition of a Village Idiot does not correspond perfectly with the traits and characteristics of the person I am so describing here. But bear with me, if you will. I happen to think the term Village Idiot has a nice little jingle to it, so… that’s the moniker I choose for this individual.
The Village Idiot works very hard indeed. The Village Idiot will make it her life’s goal to create drama and manipulate others. The Village Idiot thrives on tension, hostility and mental anguish.
The Village Idiot proclaims to be a Christian, all while holding many years of hatred in her heart. She will use the word God and Jesus only when she feels it will be of true benefit to her. The icy heart of the Village Idiot will never be open to the truths and silent hells of others. To the Village Idiot, there is no ‘other side’ of the story, because it is her way or no way.
The Village Idiot is unable to hold her sharp tongue, for either enemies or loved ones, including her own children. Having cut and edited another person’s story in order to better accommodate her own drama-filled life, the Village Idiot is a professional story-teller.
The Village Idiot doesn’t have many friends, and unbeknownst to her, the few she has must walk on eggshells. The Village Idiot has on-again/off-again relationships with the majority of the people in her life. She is consistently on the outs with her family and friends.
The Village Idiot will express her views in a manner that displays her own true ignorance. She forms her opinions without ever attempting to check facts beforehand. Politics, religion, family life – the Village Idiot believes she knows it all, and wants others to believe it as well.
The Village Idiot blasts others for performing acts that she herself performs on a daily basis. There will be no reasoning with the Village Idiot, for reason itself does not exist within her brain. The Village Idiot will smile to your face, and her razor-sharp tongue begins to wag as soon as you walk away from her.
The Village Idiot will never be fully aware just how large of an ass she consistently makes of herself. How, in her absence, her own family and friends discuss her psychotic ways.
In my ever-continuing endeavor at aging gracefully, I find that my toleration factor for the Village Idiot has completely and totally disintegrated. And guess what? It’s one thing I have no desire to get back.
The waves continue
It’s supposed to snow later today. So once again, I don my scarf. I’m hoping this will be the very last time I have to use my scarf. Somehow, it’s just hard for me to associate scarves with the month of March, although I know many would argue that. I associate March with the coming of Spring, kite-flying, mine and my daughter’s birthdays, and pretty pastel Easter eggs (even if the eggs are just a prequel to the month of April).
The tales of the rescue efforts in the aftermath of the Chilean earthquake are just chilling, but they consume me. I simply cannot stop reading about them. Headline story on Fox News this morning is “Tsunamis Sweep Away Entire Towns in Chile”. There seems to be much talk about the earthquake, aftershocks and rescue efforts – but there’s really not much talk about these gargantuan waves that are still taking lives.
In Talcahuano, a family sat huddled together on the floor of their seaside home. Their only light a lantern, listening to a battery-operated radio – they were warned by firefighters to remain calm and stay inside. No warnings of a tsunami, until it slammed into their house – sweeping the family under water. The home was crushed by two giant containers that came in with the sea, and the family was separated by the currents. A third container actually further prevented more family members from being drug out to sea. The family desperately tried to gather back together, and did – a mother and father, their 11-year old daughter, their 76-year old father, and a sister and their family. But still missing is their 76-year old mother.
Story after horrifying story continues. How about the group of 40 retirees vacationing at a seaside campground in the village of Pelluhue. The bus they piled into was swept out to sea, along with trucks and houses. Only five bodies have been recovered – at least 30 still remain missing. Two waves in this instance were reported to be 6 meters (18 feet) high, and a third being even higher. I cannot imagine the magnitude of these waves.
Reading stories like this just rips my heart out.
Earthquakes aren’t the only events inflicting damage, the resulting tsunamis are sweeping away homes, businesses and entire ports and towns. Through their defense minister, the country has now admitted it was a huge mistake for the Navy not to issue Tsunami warnings. There were port captains who knew enough to call warnings – in doing so they reportedly saved hundreds of lives.
I can’t help but think back to those nightmares I sometimes have of the huge tidal waves. Any issue you may have going on in your life right now cannot begin to compare to the sheer devastation and gut-wrenching grief and despair down in this country, or any country affected by a massive earthquake and it’s accompanying tsunamis. I only have to glance in front of me to see how blessed I am at this moment… and realize how quickly it could all be wiped away – in the blink of an eye.
Halfway there, well almost
The sun is supposed to come out today, and it’ll be a most welcome site. My friend and I are planning a walk today after lunch – I’m hoping that’ll be a stroll in the sunshine. The ole’ bod is in bad need of some vitamin D.
Then Friday, more talk of winter weather. Well, just bring it on and get it over with. Makes it that much closer to Spring! Which is only 45 days away… oh I’ve gotta shed this winter coat before then.
So I’ve gotta go there. The Jenny Sanford interview won’t air until Friday night at 10, but I have read the excerpts on it this morning. Faithful. The word. (And my friends and family…. you know it’s a HUGE word to me.)
Gov. Mark Sanford insisted that the clause be removed in his marriage vows that contained the word ‘Faithful’. wtf?? His wife said she was young and just dismissed it. She was 27 when they got married. Besides, if he refused to promise to be faithful, then in Catholic terms, they didn’t have a valid marriage. The vows have to include unconditional faithfulness.
She said in the interview her three sons read the emailed notes that became public, which she said devastated them. “Their world’s been turned upside-down as well. It is something that is now a part of their lives. … They’re not happy. They’re not proud. … It just ripped me up, to see them reading these emails, and to see them have to grow up so fast.”
Now, when this whole thing first blew up, it seemed like it was just Mark who had a pathological urge to keep telling the media more and more and more. But now it’s Jenny too. I don’t get how people are willing to air their dirty laundry publicly, grieve in public, show their humiliation for all the world to see. Are these people devoid of any sense of limits or boundaries? For me personally, it would be hard to expose all this stuff to my family, and we are close!
So help me out here… how exactly will her rehashing all this benefit her three sons again?
Although the subject of infidelity is one that is very touchy to me, and I do feel empathy for all the humiliation that she’s indured – I just don’t agree with her coming forward in television interviews for more bashing. I’ve got one word for you, Jenny Sanford. Memoir.
Oh… you’ve already written one of those? My bad.
Does anyone remember “Love Story” with that idiotic wedding ceremony in it, and at the end they promise to be faithful for “as long as they both shall love”???
Nada Subject
The possibility of winter precipitation exists for this Friday. Ha! I guess we’ll see. The weathermen are SO flying under the radar, which is usually the time we get slammed with a winter storm. I’ve gotta say, I wouldn’t mind it… especially because of the time frame, late Friday into Saturday. No missing any work! So my current plans for Friday are 1) grab my guy, 2) rent a couple movies and 3) lock ourselves indoors all weekend. Oh, and gotta make sure I’m stoked stocked on hot chocolate. 😛
I know this is totally off the subject (what subject?), but we were discussing at work how it really took no effort at all to accommodate the year change – both in writing and/or typing it. Why is this? Why does it take half the year to remember to write 2009 instead of 2008, yet you can go to a 2-digit year change with no problem? So I’ve been taking polls on this. The few people I’ve asked have had the same result…. made a successful switch to 2010 with no whiteout or backspace key needed! Wish I knew the reason for this.
Slowly, methodically, the clouds are rolling in…
Last night’s dinner with Mom went so well, and we enjoyed the time spent together. Good fellowship, good food, and as always lots of laughs. Little Camille was on cloud nine having everyone there making over her – she walked around looking lost after everyone left.
This may come as a big surprise, but I’m not even gonna comment on the Union speech last night. Yes, I did watch it, in it’s entirety. More empty promises, more of the thumb directed over his shoulder to indicate the administration prior to his that left the pile of shit for him to deal with, more of the worst is now over shpill, and why don’t we export more shit to create more jobs, shit that won’t sell anyway because American shit’s too expensive, yada yada. I will say…. Pelosi just needs to sit her ass down.
Well okay, I guess I did just comment on it.
So Elizabeth Edwards is finally leaving her lying cheating sleeze bag of a husband. Sad thing is, still suffering with terminal cancer, she can’t have that much time left. I pray that God gives her strength to get through what will likely be the hardest decision she’s ever made. I have great empathy for this woman, and the horrible embarrassment and shame she’s endured. As well, I feel for the innocent children that are involved.
Speaking of – funny, I read yesterday that 27 Jan was also the date that Hillary Clinton blamed Bill’s sexual indiscretions on “a vast right-wing conspiracy”. It’s true… it’s even made it’s way into her ‘memoir’. Profanity sits impatiently on the tip of my tongue right now, and works diligently to pry open my lips so that it may escape. Ladies, when are you going to stop blaming others for your husband’s indiscretions?? Okay – same goes for you guys if the roles are reversed!! This is NOT an act that you have to put up with or endure!! Even the Good Book, our Holy Bible, instructs us that marriage is indeed separable by two things: death AND ADULTRY!! Have we been conditioned to believe that it’s either warranted or expected of us to put up with such a damaging and intimate abuse of trust in a marriage? I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.
On a brighter note, it is one beautiful sunrise out there this morning….
Outside the window at work
The Yellow Brick Road
Do you ever stop and wonder about the order in which things take place in your life? I do.
Takes me back to the old saying, Everything happens for a reason. How about this one – That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Always liked that one. And, can’t forget, Anything worth having is worth working for. Yeah, I know.
Our kids. We would never change that part. Our kids are and always will be our heart. Unconditional love, no matter what kind of hand life ends up dealing us.
But the other stuff. All those other sets of events that we may or may not be so fond of. Have you ever wondered what would be different now if you could go back and change things or switch the order of certain events in your life? To perhaps ‘earn back’ some of that lost time?
All of a sudden the time-tornado hits ya, you turn around and you’re forty. I jumped from 20 to 40 – with a fresh-from-scratch start to life. Now just how the hell did that happen?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sitting on a mountain of regret over here. I used to be, though. I do realize now that anything we’ve been through in life shapes the individual we are today. This wouldn’t be the events theirselves – but instead how we handled it in the end. The outcome. My own decisions. My own path.
The clock struck midnight. And the day was done.
It’s not wasted time. The times of the past, all the time that leads up to now, is not forever lost in vain. Here’s another favorite – You can’t drive forward if you’re constantly looking in the rear view mirror.
It’s amazing really, the amount of love we have inside us. The ability to heal from inside, and regain the ability to share that love….I’m speaking for myself, of course, when I say I have an enormous amount inside of me. ♥
Life – it’s umm…. well, it’s just beginning. And I really like that.
Tiger’s EX?
I’ve avoided the subject so far, at least through writing. But I heard a little break of news this morning that I’ve been wanting to hear since this whole ‘story’ broke.
Wife to leave the golf great?? Well, I don’t believe this will be a shock to anyone. The disturbing story of the infidelities, in which numbers seem to increase daily, has consumed media headlines for weeks now.
One thing is for sure. Two lives are never to be the same. What of the mistresses, you ask – and their lives? I don’t know and really don’t care, to be honest. Being the big girls they are, they knew full well what they were getting into.
Tiger will go on and, eventually, move on as the story fades into a little piece of history. There’s really no choice for him, he’s at the bottom now – this will be a true test for him to pick his self back up and move forward, hopefully having learned from his mistakes. That’s about the nicest I can be when it comes to him, though. After all, he is the one who ‘made his bed’.
Elin, however, has her work cut out for her. I don’t know her or what she was like before. At the very least I’m picturing a beautiful vibrant woman who was slammed full of self-confidence – who has now been reduced to someone that’ll have trust issues for the rest of her life. The sheer humiliation of what she’s enduring is heart-wrenching to the public that doesn’t even know her. Any person – be it a man or a woman, who has ever had to endure the pain and humiliation of a cheating spouse can empathize with her. I simply cannot imagine though, the mass quantity of these ‘instances’.
I hope, for her sake, that it’s true she’s leaving. To move on from this horrible set of events in her life, allowing her to eventually find someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved. Apparently that’s a rare find nowadays.
Infidelity in relationships
Where to start. I’ll say first that this isn’t going to be one of those life-coaching type blogs. I’m no expert on any subject, especially this one. Once in a while though, I do feel the need to touch on the topic – being how it’s affected the lives of some loved ones as well as my own.
I always revert back to one simple word, or question. WHY.
Why do it? Is it really that irresistible of an urge to step outside of your relationship and have sex with another person? I cannot fathom having caused that type of pain to my former spouse of so many years. It’s just something that never entered my head. Does that make me a ‘good person’? NO. I don’t want a ‘pat on the back’ for keeping my promise of monogamy in my marriage.
Infidelity inflicts pain on your partner that can last a lifetime. Whether you choose to work through it and perhaps save your relationship, or to eventually move on – the initial impact will lessen with time, but the scars will remain forever.
I found a very good website that I’d like to share, the link is below. Out of any site I’ve ever found dedicated to the subject, this one is very informative in so many areas.
Life of Bon 
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