To each his own. To me my own.

Dreams

Flying High Again

I got to fly again last night, although it was not my preferred method of flight. I wait patiently for the two (sometimes three) instances a year in which a dream allows me to take flight. Each time this most exhilarating opportunity is presented to me I will fly all on my own, in a manner that transcends light years beyond extraordinary. I glide much like a bird, very high-up where it is quiet and peaceful. Despite my severe acrophobia, I am never ever afraid.

Last night’s flight was anything but peaceful or serene. It all started at a place where I was having a dinner party with people I don’t know. Though it was a very elegantly catered dinner, expensive platters and other items were breaking so I was busy trying to repair them with super-glue. After dinner, we all moved out onto the balcony overlooking a beautiful scenic view that much resembled the oceanside of Greece. Above the sea, several small-engine planes were flying high and performing very daring maneuvers. I was told that momentarily I was to ride ‘back home’ in one of these planes, apparently having no say in the matter. I watched on as the planes repeated their risky antics, and remember asking someone at least twice if my designated plane would still have enough gas afterward to complete the return trip back.

I strapped in tight with shoulder harnesses, seat belts and the like, and much to my surprise I found my faithful man sitting beside me – I was no longer alone. The small plane took off like a bolt of lightning and immediately commenced into the daring moves I had witnessed previously. Unaware that my heart had stopped, the seemingly fearless pilot made a complete nose-dive towards the sea, only to pull up at the last moment. He then inverted and carried us for what seemed like ten minutes, for which I kept my eyes closed. Flipping over, and over again and then again, he picked a building on dry land as his next target. The absolute last second before impact, he pulled up – we found ourselves flying straight up at a 90 degree angle. All during this terrifying ride I could physically feel my stomach drop, my head pound, and the gravity pull me when inverted. I was completely helpless and ode to this crazy pilot on a death mission who seemed quite intent on taking us along for the ride down.

In the past I’ve had much success with ending an undesirable dream. I’ve also learned that if I’m unable to end it, I can at least change it’s direction. This wasn’t the case last night. In my lifetime I’ve heard many people say you don’t feel pain in your dreams. Maybe some people don’t – but even as a child I’ve always felt pain in mine. In fact, any physical sensation that can be felt in reality can be felt in my dreams. Pain is just my least favorable one.

Risky. Out of control. Careless.

Dear Dreams: I’ll man my own flight next time, thanks.

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Tunnel Vision

Each in separate cars, Keith and I were on our way somewhere. As I drove behind him, all of a sudden he made a quick turn and disappeared from my sight. I immediately took note of the fact that my phone was not with me. Of course, I could still ‘see’ him worriedly dialing it over and over to no avail, not understanding why I didn’t answer. A mile or two further up the road I turned the car around, parked, got out and started walking back the direction I’d seen him last.

As I was walking, I happened upon a grocery cart. Not just any old grocery cart – one that I could push off with one foot and ride on down the sidewalk like a skateboard! This baby was slick as a whistle and was getting me places fast. That is, until I noticed I was skimming through what seemed to be a bad side of town – then it started skipping and giving problems. Suddenly passersby started throwing garbage at me and calling me homeless. Not a good feeling.

While still pushing the cart along I noticed a familiar face – a former schoolmate named Seth. I asked Seth if he’d seen Keith, to which he replied “Yeah, he’s over at DNA.” Now I had no idea where this DNA place was, but it didn’t appeal to me to find out. I turned around and began the trek back to my car.

I never located Keith.

By the time I reached my car I’d made the decision to take a little vacation all by myself. I somehow ended up with a reservation at what was to be a very large and swanky log cabin located in the mountains. I remember draining my savings to pay for myself 3 nights at this place for the sum total of exactly $2967.00 or $2963.00 (that last digit is foggy though I repeated it several times). I got there only to find I had to dig my way underground in a tunnel to actually reach my final destination. I used a huge outdoor umbrella and other objects to push the heavy dirt out of the way;  it took a long time to dig my way there. When I finally arrived I was filthy, but gave the guy a check and went inside to check out my beautiful One-Grand-Per-Night posh quarters. I was appalled to find it resembled something like a concentration camp, with one huge darkened room containing 8-10 double beds; meaning I was bunking with others. The linens and curtains were yellowed and worn. No bath or shower was afforded, just one 4×4 room with a toilet. The other ‘guests’ seemed as appalled as I was, but for some reason were planning on fulfilling their stay.

I demanded a full refund, which I received after having to wait an hour for the guy to return from lunch. Meanwhile, my Mom met me ‘on the outside’ after I emerged from the tunneled hole (exiting was the same as entering, after all). I’d forgotten my luggage, and was despaired to find I would be forced to dig back through that long set of tunnels in order to gather my belongings. My Mom insisted on coming with me even though I’d advised her how hard the trip would be. And so, we began.

A kiss on the cheek awoke me from the dream. I was told to have a great day and that I was loved. Keith was leaving for work.

Because you know this is how I roll, here’s a few search results in my quest to find the meaning of this dream. I find that a few closely correspond with current events in my life… a few don’t.

  • To see freshly stirred dirt in your dream symbolizes thriftiness and frugalness. Dirt is also representative of situations where you have been less than honorable and may have acted in a devious manner. You are trying to conceal or bury your questionable behavior.
  • To dream that you are living underground signifies a loss of status and wealth and even the longing for a greater piece of mind and sanctuary. You may be placing these matters and thoughts into the subliminal part of your mind.
  • Dreams that take place underground represent the dreamer’s need to explore feelings – possibly painful ones – that up until now they’ve kept hidden. Coming back up or emerging from underground in the dream suggests that the dreamer is ready to do this.
  • To dream of being underground is associated with feeling the need to hide oneself from other people or situations. Such a dream is typically the result of great shame, guilt and low self-esteem. Something could be going on under the surface or a change in lifestyle may be indicated.
  • To dream that you are digging, indicates that you are working to hard to uncover the truth in a problem that is haunting you. You may also be overly preoccupied with trying to find out about yourself, your reputation and your self-identity. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are working on getting to the root of some issue. Or the dream could be a metaphor to imply an insult.
  • In a nutshell, any type of dream where you find yourself underground shows that you have a prominent fear of losing control of your life and that you are worried about failure.

Old Man Winter’s here

It was a balmy 62° outside this morning, which didn’t seem right. I climbed into my trusty sidekick to go to work and marveled at the fact that it was so light outside. Normally having to be in at 7am, and with very few streetlights on the country roads, I appreciate driving in something other than pitch black. The horses and cows were already out in their fields, grazing on the lush green pastures from all the rain. Even my favorite handsome bull looked happy.

After the blue day I had yesterday, all of the above was a welcome sight. I went into work as a biscuit fairy this morning, which made me and everyone else happy. While I was in McDonald’s waiting, I talked with this nice lady who was also bringing biscuits to her coworkers – we both agreed a nice biscuit always makes people happy. I’ve got about 24 hours to propel myself back into the Christmas spirit, and since our girls are both coming it should be easier for that to happen.

My guy just texted me that there are some cows running around loose in the neighborhood. I so wish I was at home to see this. He only managed to get one picture:

Last night, I dreamed was in this huge mansion where a fire had started. Slowly it grew to one little fire in every room and everyone was running from room to room trying to extinguish it. When the fire trucks came, from the sunroom to the front door was completely blocked with huge obstacles – heavy rugs, big bags, and the like. I was the only one trying to move the stuff as the firemen were climbing over them to get through the front door. I remember yelling “someone help me move all this stuff so the firemen can get through!” and everyone’s response was “oh, they can get through – don’t worry about it!”

Dreaming of fire could suggest a transformation in life. The flames could signify the burning of any barriers that might be in the way. Not being able to let something go and letting it build within can be the reason for a dream of fire. Holding a grudge against something, or someone, could be the result of the dream.

Makes sense to me.


Three dreams…

Attempting to interpret dreams can be as hopeless and painstaking as searching for a lost shipwreck. There may be multiple meanings that exist in dreams, or no meaning at all. Many of them are simply the result of our collective subconscious working overtime. Nevertheless, I find it fascinating to see what could be a hint or preview of what could end up being reality. If nothing else, I always pay attention.

Glass Breaking.

I was in a large kitchen that resembled an industrial one – supposedly part of a place where my daughter was getting ready to move  (her real-life upcoming move was to be the following weekend). I was on a stepladder trying to balance several boxes stacked high, all of which were threatening to crash to the floor. Try as I might, I could not hold them. One by one, the boxes crashed down, each containing glass – soon I was surrounded by glass on the floor. I remember thinking there was no way I’d ever get it all completely cleaned up, that there would always be a danger of someone cutting their foot.

To see broken glass in your dream signifies disappointments and negative changes in your life. Alternatively, it could be symbolic of an aspect of your life that is in pieces. A relationaship or situation has come to an abrupt and untimely end. If you are walking on broken glass, then it suggests that you will be experiencing some heartache or pain. You are unsure with how to proceed with your life. 

Spiders.

They were on the wall – one by one they showed up, only one at a time. They weren’t large, each being about the size of the depressor on bic lighter. Every time a new one came around I killed it.

To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If your kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck. To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream denotes that your desires will soon be realized.

A Turtle.

Just two nights ago, I was holding a box turtle. About the size of a cantaloupe, he had his head and limbs stretched out. Looking back it reminds me of one Keith and I had rescued from the road a few months back, except that real-life one was larger. The turtle had his head stretched back around in ‘ET’ fashion, looking directly into my eyes. His little feet were swimming back and forth like they so often do when nothing is under them – I could feel his little claws hitting my fingers.

To see a turtle in your dream symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take it slow in some situation or relationship in your life. That with time and patience, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, a turtle indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. You are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in. As a result, you are feeling withdrawn.

**I realize my posts are often vague or oblique to say the least – as I’ve said before, I do that to maintain anonymity. There’s an old southern saying that my mother used to tell me, ‘you’re getting too big for your britches’. As I look back, she had good reason to use it. The idiom refers to a person who is over-extending their authority or is being bossy, a person who may have a conceited and exaggerated sense of their own importance, perhaps to the point of even injecting their self or their opinion where they aren’t needed. It’s pretty cut and dried to me. In the end, it’s really about your respect for others – you either have it or you don’t.


Kumbaya, Sweet Slumber

The ghosts of the past who appear in my recent dreams are starting to wear me down. Saturday and Sunday nights were both restless; when sleep did come it was packed full of crappy dreams. Weird, emotional, gross, sad, useless – all of it. In dire need of sleep, I retired early again last night. Once more, the ghosts of times past infiltrated my dreams. None of these entities have a current role in our lives, so I just couldn’t imagine a reason for them being in the dreams.

It’s not like me to have repetitive dreams of a undesirable nature, but I believe I’ve at least figured out the cause of them. As of recent, I’ve been putting more thought into the future than ever before. Sometimes when you contemplate the future you inadvertently propel yourself into the past – whether or not you want to. Your subconscious thoughts can and will manifest into your dreams. The fine line between fantasy and reality has never been a difficult thing for me to discern. That said, I now find a slice of my reality being spent fighting demons ensued by the dreams that decide to hang around and poke me with a stick the next day.

©Disney

A long time ago I was asked, ‘Which would you prefer? The devil you know, or the devil you don’t know?’. My answer was ‘The devil I know’. Somehow I have to figure out how to not pick both.


The Demise of a Planet

Didn’t sleep worth a darn last night. I woke up at 2:30 thinking it was about time to get up, and when I went back to sleep I dreamt a horrible series of dreams.

It was so very real, as most bad dreams are prone to vivacity. I was watching the news on television, and a reporter came on to make the announcement. The earth’s axis had tilted in a most unpredictable manner, and at this time it was strongly recommended that you locate any loved ones to ‘spend time’ with. It was known in my dream just what that translated to, there wasn’t even a question.

The battle began in my head – how do I get my family together? What will my daughter do? After all, she’d be torn between me and her Dad. What about Keith’s daughter? And of course Keith was thinking of his family. How do you go about doing this? The mayhem, oh my gracious, the mayhem that ensued. Every mode of transportation seemed full, gas stations were already in ration, the roads were full of vehicles. Many resorted to walk as far as their feet would take them.

Emotions everywhere were off the charts. There were no dry eyes anywhere to be found. How are you supposed to act when you’re told you won’t be here much longer, that none of us will? How do you choose the appropriate family members to spend your last bit of time with, if they’re local enough to even get to? Would I make it in time to see my precious mother, father and daughter? I finally woke as the decision was about to be made for Keith and I to part ways in order to each be with our families. I tear up as I write this, just as it tore me up in my dream.

What a horrible dream.

But was it really? As I sit here writing this, I begin to tie it in with yesterday’s message. Empowered by the Blood of Jesus. Because if you believe in this Blood, this most precious Blood that Jesus Christ shed for us, and accept it – you’ll never have to say goodbye. What a gift, of which I am so undeserving. Yet it’s there for the taking… Praise God for this.


Dreamland again

Last night I had some very strange dreams. I was walking on a road and I noticed there were kittens everywhere… one narrowly escaped being hit by a car. Freaking out, I gathered as many of them as I could, and they were all so precious. After gathering all the kittens up, here in the middle of the road also sits this iguana. It was a beautiful iguana, bright green and healthy looking – and it couldn’t take it’s eyes off me. I go pick it up and it instantly clings to me – of course this captured my heart.

People started arriving to help, and I knew the kittens were going to have to go to the pound. While I contemplated keeping one, I petted on the iguana who had happened upon a new mommy. At that moment I knew exactly who I was taking home. He was abnormally large, about the size of a full-grown dachschund. I carried him everywhere and we formed a strong bond… I can even say by the end of the dream that I loved him.

All in all, it was a good dream – except for being disappointed when I awoke and realized my little Iggy was just a figment of my imagination.

I honestly didn’t think I would find any interpretation on dreams of iguanas, but I should’ve known better. What I found floored me.

To see an iguana in your dream, represents harshness, cold-heartedness, fierceness, and inhuman poise.  It is an indication of both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring.

via http://www.dream-interpretation.co.uk

Well. This is about as clear as it gets to me. This references me back a couple of posts to one titled Les Miserables. I am reminded of the advice of a dear friend, that no matter what, the offending entity deserves to be lifted up in prayer (thanks, E). Just imagine if Jesus picked and chose who he wanted to love! So, it doesn’t matter if they want it or not. No matter what – it’s my responsibility to do this.

Thanks for another good one, dreamland.


Dreamlets

Sometimes dreams are a blessing, other times they can be a real hindrance. Goodness gracious, they sure were a hindrance last night. It took a while this morning to ‘shake loose’ the lasting impression the combination of them made.

First it was my boyfriend, who was acting weird to say the least. The dream started with him covering for his brother, who was cheating on his wife. I came in his house, and there was this baby in a crib! I asked who the baby was, and was told it belonged to the skank his brother was cheating with. I was so perturbed at this – at both a) the fact that his brother was cheating (totally not something he would ever do) AND b) it was a Saturday night and we now had a baby to watch. As time ellapsed, my boyfriend’s face would morph into that of my ex-husbands, and form that sneer at me. I packed my stuff and went back home without him even trying to stop me.

I then ended up at some restaurant with some woman that I don’t know. I spotted an acquaintance, who just happens to be my ex-husband’s ex (I think) girlfriend. It was her birthday, and she was surrounded by many people who were there to celebrate with her. I went up to say hello, she saw me and smiled – and it appeared to me that she’d been crying. Her gaze then went beyond me, and in walked my ex who had come there to see her. They both stood up and hugged and cried. I remember feeling so very awkward standing there at that moment, and just wanted to melt into the floor.

There’s been a couple of recent happenings that likely, no DID, manifest within my dreams last night. After writing each dream down, I can just about pull and match each issue/incident to the dream/misrepresentation. It feels as though I’ve had no sleep at all… guess I’ll roll the dice once again tonight in hopes of scoring some dreamless sleep.


Wayside

I guess I need to see a doctor about getting on a regular sleep-aid or something. Insomnia drives me crazy some nights, where I’m up for hours just lying there. During these times my brain goes into a sort of activity overload where I’m thinking of anything, everything, and all things in-between. I’ll even ‘create’ scenarios rectifying other scenarios – as crazy as I know this sounds. My best friend and I have discussed this and I take solace in the fact that she does it too, so there’s probably more than the two of us out there.

Sometimes I hate dreams… sometimes I love them. Last night I just desperately wanted to escape it. I’m convinced the dream I woke from is what initiated the insomnia last night and into this morning. I abhor such dreams, because they represent my deepest and darkest fear – our own homeland security.

All but a few fragments of our Pentagon had been destroyed by terrorists. To no one’s surprise, the weapon used for the destruction was two planes. For some reason I was just learning of the attack the following day, and people were shocked I didn’t know. In describing it to me, I got a play-by-play ‘visual’ of the attack by others – in other words, it was like they put me back in time for it and I witnessed from above what the officials did and how they reacted.

Apparently they had five minutes knowledge that the planes were coming. I was positioned in a birds-eye view from overhead and watched them go into action – desperately moving delicate equipment, all containing material of a most sensitive nature. Our nation’s STUFF. To see these people, roughly one hundred, take that kind of action was unbelievable. I know it was a dream, and this isn’t how it would really transpire – but they were all moving so fast and in sync, it was nothing short of amazing. There was so much equipment that I kept thinking ‘no way will they ever get it all done’. I watched what resembled worker ants move at light speed until I saw a huge flash of light and the disintegration was apparent. In my dream, there were over one hundred lives lost. Our nation’s internet protocol immediately went into lockdown so there was no way of accessing anything online. The entire country was in complete chaos. The dream ended there.

It’s no wonder that I was up for hours after this dream. This dream won’t come as any shock to those who know me, who know how I feel about 9/11 and that it’s pretty much fallen by the wayside in terms of remembrance. It’s not fallen by the wayside for me, and never will. There is not one single day I don’t think about that most fateful day in our nation’s history. Not one day. I’ve said it many times before, I’d rather have nightmares about that day every night of my life than to let it fade even slightly from my memory. And I still mean that.


More lucid delusions

The past two nights my dreams have been nothing short of incredibly weird. It was explained to me by reason of “sometimes your brain just needs to dump the crap each day”. Well, okay – I’ll buy into that.

Dream documentation #232.

Sunday night, I dreamed of myself, my daughter, my mother, my mother-in-law, my ex-husband, and my deceased sister-in-law. My remaining sister-in-law that is still alive was not in this dream. We all were at some recreational park in which a walkway surrounded this flowing river of sorts – almost like a man-made whitewater center, located in the mountains. I noticed my ex-husband racing a small motor-boat around in what turned out to be a lazy river, with swimmers and floaters alike occupying the water. I remember thinking ‘he’s gonna run over someone, or at the very least piss somebody off’. Meanwhile my mother, daughter, mother-in-law, deceased sister-in-law and I were were standing in line at some concession stand. My deceased sister-in-law was angry and upset with me, which seemed to be overshadowing an otherwise good time. I stood beside her in the dream, put my arm around her waist and said “This is not the place and time. We’re all here for Julia [my daughter]”, to which she nodded yes. Next I remember us walking up to a secluded cabin on a hill, where for some reason we were all staying at. The view was excellent and the cabin was rustic and beautiful, inside and out.

At the end of the dream my ex-husband was still out there, going ’round and ’round that river in the boat, as if being driven to do so.

As usual, in documenting the above dream the pertinent one from last night eludes me – this doesn’t come as a surprise. Maybe I’ll get some alone time today on my outside labeling project and it’ll come flooding back. If so, I’ll include it on here as I’d originally planned.

Dream documentation #231 (written December 13, 2010 – but never posted)

Deep into Saturday night, I dreamed of snow. I was driving on the interstate and it became increasingly difficult as I went along. At one point, I got a ‘running start’ while going downhill, and even while driving in someone else’s tracks the foot-plus of snow was bringing me to a halt. I haven’t seen that much snow in, well, it’s been years. It seemed so real. I ended up abandoning my car and attempting to walk to my unknown destination.


Mean fish

I hate nightmares, and I had them all night last night. Two in particular stuck with me and I’ll elaborate on the latter one.

I was in a large room with my Mom and Grandmother, who passed away some time ago. I don’t remember how she looked or otherwise, I just remember her presence. At first there were giant aquariums, at least two, in the room. The fish were initially small, but gradually got bigger and bigger. They kept making faces at me, and at first it was funny. Then the fish, which were now upwards of two feet long, were showing their barracuda-like teeth in a threatening manner, all towards me. All the sudden, there was a dog – my dog, Chance. He was upon me and trying to bite me. I kept telling my Mom, ‘We can’t have this, look at him!” At one point I was clamping his jaws together and he was very agitated. When I’d let go, he’d get this far-off look in his eyes and glare straight at my throat. I then woke myself up.

I’m hoping Chance is really okay. There are many different meanings for fish in dreams, so there’s no telling what that one means. My search results were null on a google of ‘mean fish’. 😦

 

Photo credit ©Simon Rogerson


I spy… an AlpspiX

Here I go with my dreams again. I had a dream last night about extreme heights. I was ‘dangling’ from some place high above I-don’t-know-where, and alongside me was my (don’t laugh) cat… (I heard that snicker). For some reason I was more concerned with Camille’s well-being than my own, as she was more terrified than I. I’m thinking the whole thing was a direct result from that muscle-relaxer I took last night before bed.

Employees work on the AlpspiX viewing platform at the southern Bavarian Alps mountain Alpspitze in Garmisch-Partenkirchen 29 June, 2010. Photo courtesy http://www.daylife.com

Ironically enough, I just heard about the new AlpspiX in Germany. It’s almost finished and set to open on 4 July. Suspended a whopping 1,000 meters (3300 feet) in the air high over the German Alps, the AlpspiX is a viewing platform consisting of two 24-meter long arms that cross each other to form the letter X. The ‘arms’ protrude more than 13 meters (43 feet) over an abyss at the base of the Alpspitze mountain. Each arm of the X is just 3 meters wide and formed of a grid, which will allow snow to pass through it during winter. For your enhanced viewing pleasure, each of these arms will end in a glass wall for an unobscured view. The structure was designed so that one platform slants toward ‘heaven’ while the other element descends toward the valley of ‘hell’, the Höllental.

Don’t forget to pack your nerves.

Sources: Zugspitze and DailyMail


Visit from beyond

I was ushered in through the foyer, past the living room and down the hallway. The doorknob to the right was turned, and the door opened for me to enter the room.

Their room.

The room itself was bigger than I remember, and had a radiant, almost heavenly look about it. I immediately noticed that it was cleaner, whiter, and less congested. It was almost pristine – with much extra room to move around. Just as quickly as the door closed behind me, they appeared.

The dogs.

My dogs. The dogs I had to leave behind through a marriage separation, now well over two years ago. And they were smiling. C’mon now, no bashing… any dog-lover out there knows what I’m talking about. They DO smile.

I don’t remember actually getting down on the floor, but in the next moment that’s exactly where I was, and where I remained. Chance and Rebel were all over me, and I was all over them. They were both clean as a whistle and smelled so good. There also was no gray in them whatsoever. The dogs weren’t pups, but they certainly weren’t old men, either! Along the empty sides and corners of the room, there were lots of clean blankets and sheets, all neatly folded – there must have been 8-10 of them scattered throughout the room. As time went on I kept grabbing them, unfolding each one and spreading them out for us, all while continuing to love on them. I remember thinking, ‘boy is someone gonna be mad at me for unfolding and messing up all these linens…’, but the dogs were loving it, and loving me. All three of us were so happy and comfortable, in that room.

The tears continue to fall as I write this. This particular visit occurred in a dream I had last night, on Tuesday night.

I believe it all started when I asked my daughter to take a picture so I could see them. I was at work Monday when I received them, and it immediately made me cry. My girlfriends at work saw this and were very sweet and caring – they are good friends and fellow animal-lovers to boot, so they understood without even saying anything. Just to see how gray the little and big guy’s faces had both gotten in two years was shocking – in particular Rebel’s, the boxer.

I’ve tried to force them out of my mind for a long time now because it’s just been too painful to think about. That still remains the case. I guess somehow, unfortunately, love really is associated with pain. Whatever the case is, I do still miss them greatly.

It was a good visit. No, it was better than good. The visit was awesome, even perfect. I hope they visit me again soon. Or should I say… allow me to visit them.

One of the pictures my daughter sent me


Azure

I recently ran across these pictures and immediately fell in love with them.
I’m picky about my island pics… they have to possess that certain ‘something’.

Can’t you just get lost in ’em? The beautiful hue of azure, the pillowy clouds… the virgin white sand.

C’mon, admit it… you’d like to be here just as much as I would. Wouldn’t ya?

One day. Yep. One day….
Until then my sweet, I’ll see you in my dreams.


Dreamin’ again

I probably got 4 hours total last night, and that might be a stretch. Bad dreams don’t bother me so much, unless they’re mega-realistic. Last night’s was one of those.

We were meeting up with relatives for my daughter’s upcoming college graduation dinner. With the two sides of the family getting together again for the first in a very long time, it was already stressful. But then there was Mammaw – this is my grandmother who passed away almost a decade ago. She was standing beside Mom, looking beautiful, elegant. Actually everyone there looked their absolute best, the men in suits, women in dresses, makeup on point. But Mammaw looked ravishing, as she appears in most dreams I have of her. She was wearing a red and black dress. Mom had such a worried look on her face. She told me, ‘I think Mammaw just had a stroke again. All the symptoms are there, but she won’t even hear of going to the doctor’. Apparently she didn’t want to ruin Julia’s grad dinner. I then tried to talk her into going, telling her I’d take her myself right then. She never spoke to me, just had this dreamy far away look in her eyes. It brings me to tears to even recollect it. The dream ended there.

Boy do I miss her. She would have been the life of this ‘party’. Correction – Mammaw and my stepdad would’ve had to share the limelight on that one. Big O. It’s for sure this would’ve been one of his most proud moments – the ‘apple of his eye’ graduating college.

I know they’ll both accompany us in our spirit. But somehow… I think they’ll both be privy to see it as well. It’s just something that I feel.


The waves continue

It’s supposed to snow later today. So once again, I don my scarf. I’m hoping this will be the very last time I have to use my scarf. Somehow, it’s just hard for me to associate scarves with the month of March, although I know many would argue that. I associate March with the coming of Spring, kite-flying, mine and my daughter’s birthdays, and pretty pastel Easter eggs (even if the eggs are just a prequel to the month of April).

The tales of the rescue efforts in the aftermath of the Chilean earthquake are just chilling, but they consume me. I simply cannot stop reading about them. Headline story on Fox News this morning is “Tsunamis Sweep Away Entire Towns in Chile”. There seems to be much talk about the earthquake, aftershocks and rescue efforts – but there’s really not much talk about these gargantuan waves that are still taking lives.

In Talcahuano, a family sat huddled together on the floor of their seaside home. Their only light a lantern, listening to a battery-operated radio – they were warned by firefighters to remain calm and stay inside. No warnings of a tsunami, until it slammed into their house – sweeping the family under water. The home was crushed by two giant containers that came in with the sea, and the family was separated by the currents. A third container actually further prevented more family members from being drug out to sea. The family desperately tried to gather back together, and did – a mother and father, their 11-year old daughter, their 76-year old father, and a sister and their family. But still missing is their 76-year old mother.

Story after horrifying story continues. How about the group of 40 retirees vacationing at a seaside campground in the village of Pelluhue. The bus they piled into was swept out to sea, along with trucks and houses. Only five bodies have been recovered – at least 30 still remain missing. Two waves in this instance were reported to be 6 meters (18 feet) high, and a third being even higher. I cannot imagine the magnitude of these waves.

Reading stories like this just rips my heart out.

Earthquakes aren’t the only events inflicting damage, the resulting tsunamis are sweeping away homes, businesses and entire ports and towns. Through their defense minister, the country has now admitted it was a huge mistake for the Navy not to issue Tsunami warnings. There were port captains who knew enough to call warnings – in doing so they reportedly saved hundreds of lives.

I can’t help but think back to those nightmares I sometimes have of the huge tidal waves. Any issue you may have going on in your life right now cannot begin to compare to the sheer devastation and gut-wrenching grief and despair down in this country, or any country affected by a massive earthquake and it’s accompanying tsunamis. I only have to glance in front of me to see how blessed I am at this moment… and realize how quickly it could all be wiped away – in the blink of an eye.


Dirty Dreams

Another night with very little sleep. Seems like I was up every hour. And these damned dreams, I’d like to have a night or two without them.

Last night I dreamed I was in a station wagon with an old girlfriend, who happens to be the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. She was driving erratically, and took a course off the road and down an embankment into a nearby field of sorts. We almost flipped going down it. Once we got to the ‘field’, we were stuck – we got out and noticed there was mud literally everywhere. We were then greeted by a couple of little dogs, fortunately they were friendly. Thick, heavy, orange mud abounded all over the place. I was barefoot, and everywhere I stepped was this mud, going in between my toes. The saving grace was there were also puddles of water here and there, they were muddy as well but held enough water to rinse off – albeit temporarily. I was then introduced to four ladies who are the sisters of a dear friend of mine (a different friend, not the driver of the car).

Obviously the key word in this dream is Mud. I didn’t like the interpretation of it.

  • To see mud in your dream, suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some internal cleansing is needed.
  • Walking in mud interpretation #1: To dream that you are walking in mud, suggests that you are feeling weighed down by a situation, problem, or relationship. You are feeling frustrated.
  • Walking in mud interpretation #2: To dream that you walk in mud, denotes that you will have cause to lose confidence in friendships or relationships, and there will be losses and disturbances in family circles.
  • To dream that mud has gotten on your clothing or body, signifies that your reputation is being attacked and called into question.

Well, enough already of the dream stuff.

I heard something that was absolutely a scream on the news this morning. There’s this new ‘company’ out there called Eternal Earth-Bound Pet, completely founded, operated and ran by atheists. For a nominal fee, this ‘company’ promises lifetime care for almost all domestic pets if their owners are transported to heaven within the next ten years. All of the atheists who are signed up across 20 states are self-professed sinners and blasphemers, and guarantee they will be left behind when the rapture comes and the chosen are lifted.

Earthbound Pets Website

The group insists that this offer is real, as real as we christians believe the coming rapture to be. The founders are striving to assure us believers that our animals will “live in loving homes, not in animal shelters or pet mills”.

You’ve gotta be kidding me. These idiots have no idea how their very own quality of life will suffer after the imminent rapture (that they are now monetarily profiting from) occurs. There will be catastrophes of epic proportions everywhere. Pain, grief, sorrow, depair, desperation….you name it. Do you think they’re gonna worry about living up to some contract for pets of the persons who will now be considered lucky and blessed in their eyes? It’s gonna be a job for them to be able to keep their own pets alive and intact.

So, thanks for the offer, atheists – but no thanks. I’ll continue to rely on the fact that my dear Lord has a plan implemented for our dearly loved furbabies, as he has a plan in place for everything and everyone. I will make no deal with the likes of you. The Lord created them, and upon his return for us I trust and believe our dear pets will be taken care of in a way mannered by Him.

And Him alone.


No. More.

I’m hoping they’ll fade soon. Usually by now, anything I’ve dreamed has long been dissipated.

These things we know. A dream can warn us of potential danger. Things that trouble us often crystalize in a dream. Everyone who sleeps, dreams, including animals.

Certain ones I have, though not often, still make me question the sense of them. The purpose. Endlessly trying to figure them out is exhausting – just like my last night’s sleep was. These are the kind of dreams that decide they’d like to hang out with you for a day or so.

It’s very frustrating to me to have dreams that I can’t figure out. These dreams usually involve the past, as they did last night. I’d much rather not have them at all if I have to go back in time and relive moments I don’t want to think about ever again.

So remind me where the sense of it is again?

Tonight... it's gonna be sweet dreams, sweet pea.


Boston Tea Party

I admit, I did copy the subject line from the morning headline on Fox News. 🙂 This blog is gonna be all over the place today, because, quite frankly…. I am all over the place. I have way too much going on in my head today to dwell on one subject for too long.

Yeah, they’re havin’ a party, baby. All I’ve got to say is, GO MASSACHUSETTS. You freakin’ ROCK. For 53 years, a dem has occupied this former Kennedy seat. And the state of Mass said ‘Enough’.

And, um – we needed this ‘change’…. which is now enough to tank that damned healthcare bill.

Last night I dreamt that I was driving over several very large icy areas on a road. Here’s an attempt at interpretation via several online sources.

Driving: To dream that you are driving a vehicle signifies your life’s journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals.

Ice: To dream of ice, generally betokens much distress, and evil-minded persons will seek to injure you in your best work. Dreams about ice often mean that you are nervous about a real life endeavor. If you dream of standing on cracking ice (or falling through ice into water), it is a warning against trying to advance at the expense of others.

Here are  15 interesting facts about dreams. This one’s got some pretty good info.

So I’m looking outside right now and thinking my guy and I may not get to play our previously scheduled game of tennis today after all. Of course the sun has been out for 2 straight days and the temps have been in the mid-60’s, but let us plan something and the rain will surely come a little earlier than forecasted. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see if we’ll be able to bop the ball.


Lucid Delusions

More dreams last night. But bad ones, bad bad. I’ll detail the worst one.

A good friend of mine’s husband was accidentally ran over by a car. My daughter had driven the car that took him down. She didn’t know she’d hit anyone and freaked out when she was told. The guy, to which I’ll give a fictitious name of Steve, had a few people standing over him. Those people were traumatized by what Steve looked like, and quickly moved away from him.

Steve was left all alone laying on what had now turned into a dirt road in my dream. Not even thinking about it, I ran up to him and knelt down beside him. It quickly hit me what was so traumatizing about his appearance. The entire left side of his head was missing. He was obviously in shock and I realized he would be expiring soon. He was still attempting to get up and was speaking in words that couldn’t be understood. I did my best at making his last few moments as calm as possible, holding him and cradling his head in my arms – and the blood, my God all that blood. It didn’t matter to me though, what was of utmost importance was him having someone there with him during those last few moments of his life.

Flash-forward to another scene in the dream, where Steve was alive and walking around. He still was missing the large portion of his skull, though it had now healed. At least this provides a little consolation to an otherwise horrible Stephen King-flavored dream. I won’t even attempt to interpret this one.

Addendum:
Ironic as it may be, I just received this link in an email from my father-in-law, who doesn’t even know about my dream and does not read this blog. Dirt Roads