It’s all about US
K and I went out for Mexican last night to a fave little hangout, then touched on a few stores looking for a very particular type of lounge-chair. The chairs look something like this…
These chairs just look like us. And yes, there’s a particular reason we need want them. There will be an upcoming beach trip in our future. Not a long one, but one nonetheless. A high-rise oceanfront trip to the beach is very much mandated at this time… as well as a few slow dances on the end of a very long pier, Nights in Rodanthe style.
Our last beach trip was during New Year’s Eve 2010, which was absolutely the coolest New Year’s I’ve ever had – not to mention the most meaningful. I don’t even have words to describe the deep respect he and I have for one another – the things we’ve been through together and how we’ve chosen to deal with them have only served to make each of us a stronger and hopefully wiser individual.
The philosophical tangent is done. Suffice it to say I need a vacation. As for K? Well, put a man on a decade-plus long stretch of no vacations, and believe me when I say he’s ready too.
And I’m more than willing to help entertain. 🙂
August first
Well, it’s now August. I can’t believe how fast this summer has gone by. This summer, and well, the whole year for that matter.
August 1st is a special day for me. It’s the one-year anniversary of mine and K’s first date. I can’t believe it’s been a year already…
We love reminiscing about how nervous we both were on that Saturday night a year ago. Being that we hadn’t seen each other in so many years, I opted to walk down and meet him in my parking lot instead of the added stress for both of us with him coming up to the condo. The walk down all the steps from the third floor seemed to take forever, and I was hoping to God I wouldn’t trip and fall down them in my heels. There, leaning back against the hood of his car in true 60’s Greaser fashion, was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen – grinning like the Cheshire Cat on Alice in Wonderland. As I went up to hug him, my heart was about to beat out of my chest and I hoped he couldn’t see it. On that first date we ended up going to a place right across the river to eat, then catching the latest Harry Potter movie. Guess you could say we’ve been kinda stuck like glue together ever since, and well, I wouldn’t want it any other way. 
I’ve got more up the ole’ dayplanner sleeve that I’ve nostalgically saved, but posting some of those monumental moments on here just wouldn’t be fitting. But hey, don’t I get a pat on the back for not kissing him on the first date? Or is that more deserving of a slap? **dumbass**
It should go without saying that having a high level of mutual respect for each other is a must-have in every successful relationship. Just a couple of weeks ago, K’s ex made a grave attempt to worm her way back into his life – even being so desperate as to use their daughter as bait. The transparency of the lies she told were obvious to everyone. Of course, there was also a hidden agenda behind the facade. You see, she’s faced with much certainty of losing her case in court, and trust me when I say it’s gonna be sweet retribution for a man who was put through absolute hell for so many years. But not to worry – I didn’t just take his word for it. A woman with even half a brain will do her research on a prospective partner. I’m friends with a couple of people who actually know this woman… and she is indeed lower than a snake.
Last night he and I went out and did a little pre-celebrating. The restaurant we ate at last year has since closed down, and word has it that the local pub and grill across the street has the same owners, just took on a different name. He suggested going there for nostalgia’s sake, so we did. The food and drinks were excellent but the service really sucked! Upon learning that we were ‘only’ ordering appetizers and drinks (which still resulted in over a $30 bill) the waitress apparently decided we were deserving of neither good service nor a good attitude. As with most things though, we joked and took this in stride, and moved on across the street to the much more upscale restaurant that my own daughter works at. Of course, we got excellent service there – along with the additional bonus of us all getting to spend some quality time together and cut up for a while. 🙂 She was right… we shoulda just went there in the first place.
✔ You’ve got…. Mail.
More drama unfolds at the old Bon-stead. For those of you who don’t know me personally let me say that I abhor drama – be it a hint, piece or load of it. I had far too large a helping of it in my old life and let’s just say it soured me on any future meals. Anywho…
Yesterday my boyfriend’s *ex* contacted me via email. She wanted to clue me in on some not-so-nice things about him, one in particular. This time, I was willing to listen to what she had to say. After all, I’m a strong adult female, and I deserve to ‘be in the know’ on a person that may very well become a part of my future. I thought… after I hear what she has to say I can then make the decision to believe all, some, or part of it – or none, as the case may be.
Let me just say I don’t dis-believe what she had to say. Now let me attempt to break this all down.
While I don’t profess to be a psychiatrist, I will say something stands out here in the fact that she would contact me in the first place. This isn’t the first time, either – just the first time I responded back. Either a) she still loves him and wants him back, b) she hates him and doesn’t want him to be happy, or c) all of the above. My choice? C. Ding-ding!! I do believe I won the prize…
Case in point – my own ex has dated a wonderful woman for about a year and a half now. Not only is he undeserving of a woman of such statutes as she, but he does nothing in an attempt to improve his lifestyle in order to even try to reach her level. Never have I seen two more different people. When I learned of them dating, I immediately felt much empathy for her – and admit I even contemplated contacting her and trying to warn her. That thought lasted an hour at the most – I would’ve been a fool to do it. I mean c’mon, she’s a big girl – and would you like to try and guess how it would’ve been taken? Just like I told my guy’s *ex* yesterday… it likely would’ve either fallen on deaf ears, or she would’ve have immediately thought I wanted him back. So, I opted not to. And I know it was a good decision.
Something else to consider is the fact that people do change. While this change isn’t always for the better, miracles do sometimes happen. I’ve seen a few hard, hard souls out there make the switch from dark to light – I know that it is possible. Now… should you use this possibility as an excuse to remain in an abusive relationship? Absolutely not. What I am saying is sometimes a person comes out of a relationship having actually learned something – and applies it in their next one. That is all.
Thought I’d attach a pic I took this morning of my little haven in the sky, while at least some of my plants are still living. I’ve already lost three to the heat. Speaking of heat, best get out and enjoy a little outdoor time before it kicks in today. (Note morning bagel to your immediate left.) Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a much-needed recount of my many blessings.
Peace, y’all.
Oh…I almost forgot!! Please check out my friend’s blog… and welcome Southern Sweet Tea! She’s a real gem, folks. Southern Sweet Tea’s blog
You’re a Grown Man. Man Up.
Last night I had dinner with a good friend that I haven’t seen in far too long. Four hours just wasn’t long enough to catch up on all that’s been going on in our lives, but I’ll have to say we gave it our best shot.
Of course, the big topic of the night – men. The men that were, and the men that are. And realizing that there is no being out there that is perfect, man or woman… it, ummm… got me thinking.
Dear Gentlemen:
Security really IS everything to us. This isn’t just something from the era of our parents and grandparents; we want to be assured someone really does have our backs. This doesn’t mean we don’t want to work ourselves – it simply means we don’t want to be the only one working.
You should never allow your lady to get out of the car at a convenience store when you see a person of compromising interest lurking approaching others in the parking lot. This is the equivalent of putting her in a dangerous/deadly situation. If you’re not the one who’s willing to make the run inside, drive to the next store down the road.
Making the suggestion of hopping onto your lady’s cellphone plan to save you money is not a good idea, no matter what day of the week you do it on. You are the man, get your own plan. (If you’d like to take this a step further, when you get your own plan you can suggest her hopping onto yours, to save her some money.)
Under no circumstances should you allow a female ‘friend’ access to walk into your house unannounced while your lady is there with you. This should go unsaid, but apparently it still happens. Ladies don’t like sharing the house with another woman even if you do own the place.
A good mode of transportation is a must. This includes the ‘luxury’ of heat in the winter and a/c in the summer. I think I can speak for most ladies when I say we don’t want to be taken out on dates in our own cars. Not every time, anyway.
Sincerely, the Ladies
An awesome blog to follow is http://youareagrownman.com/. The combination of truth, humor and common sense makes for a great blogger – and he has my utmost respect. I try to never miss a day of it. 🙂
Soul Sucker
Ever since I cancelled my cable, I tend to stay behind on the Hollywood news. I’m well aware that some people think it’s silly to keep up with famous people anyway – but it’s more of a curiousity to me, the ability to see how the ‘other half’ lives.
The Mel Gibson telephone conversations with his wife – I just ran across a few of the audio recordings online. Oh. My. God.
To say this ‘man’ has serious, serious, serious problems would have to be the understatement of the decade. In my opinion, Ms. Grigorieva did the right thing by acquiring a restraining order before it was too late. Say what you will about her secretly taping him… I personally think she did the right thing. The whole situation, left as-is, surely would have resulted in tragedy. Given his fame and social status, she likely would’ve had problems proving that her very own life, and that of her child, was in danger.
It’s obvious there is no arguing with him – simply listening to the recordings is proof enough the rational is just not there. Something is so definitely amiss here… I’m no psych doctor, but I am able to recognize that little factoid all the way from Hollywood over to the east coast. Ranting and yelling until he’s hoarse; cursing, lewdness – he leaves no stone unturned. No area unchartered. Beats her right down to a pulp. Yells that she deserves a bat to the head, that he’ll bury her in the garden. On another audio, he admitted hitting her in the face with their baby on her lap, even breaking her teeth. You needn’t see any video to hear the sneer in his voice when he boldly yelled that she deserved it.
And guess who’s to blame? That’s right, folks. It’s all her fault. Amazing, isn’t it? From start to finish, she’s to blame – the fact that his career is over, that he has no friends, literally everything.
You cannot argue with a person who possesses that ‘something’ in their brain which causes them to act – and react – like this. I shuddered the entire time I listened to this, because it beared such a striking similarity of the many instances which occurred in my old life. Instances that up until recently I was embarrassed to even speak of. I haven’t had to witness this type of violent behavior in years, and hearing it again tonight brought it all back. I so despised the sinking wave of weakness it brought over me. For the entire eight minutes of audio, I felt as though I was inside her – sitting there with no voice, once again powerless. Beaten. Broken. Reduced to nothing, yet again.
Have a listen for yourself. This is only one of the releases, to date there are four – all equally as disturbing. Be forewarned – if you’re offended by ‘mature’ language you may want to skip this one. To be quite honest… it was his whole violent demeanor that got to me. Bad.
Link to Mel Gibson telephone “conversation”… one of four.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If you or someone you know is in a situation of domestic violence, please get help.
There ARE people who CARE.
For the love of God, yourself, your children – DON’T stay and become a statistic…
these numbers are growing daily.
Click here for link to National Domestic Violence 24-hr Hotline.
BREATHE
I recently received an email entitled “Courage”. It got me to thinking. What exactly is courage? Furthermore, what about the courage to love?
Fairy tales? No such thing. Forever afters? Hac-tuiii. Pardonne moi….
I have to laugh to keep from crying, more. For the past couple of days my face has resembled something monstrous and I’m growing weary of it. Quite simply, my heart is breaking. Right now I just feel like retreating inside my cave for, well forever.
The Courage to Love. I’ve always been a firm believer of the old saying ‘If you love something, set it free – if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.’ Well… up to a point, anyway. One should never go so far as to allow their selves to become a doormat for anyone else.
I guess I’m old fashioned, I’ll admit that. I am southern, after all. I’ve never been one of these feminists who mandate equality of the sexes, and never will. It’s my belief that women shouldn’t ‘chase’ men – it should be the other way around. I also believe that if a man loves a woman enough… I mean really loves them… they won’t let her go without a fight. They’ll do anything and everything to keep her – anything less than that simply isn’t real. Call it what you will – it’s an illusion. Don’t fool yourself. Life’s too short.
Hey, self – remember this: I Myself, will NOT… break. Already been through Hell and back once – and I ain’t planning a return trip anytime soon.
Post Pardon
So remind me please of why I’m up at 4:30am perched behind the keyboard. Maybe it’s because after lying in bed for over two hours prior with my brain scrambling at 200+mph, I opted for the only escape hatch in sight – my computer. Yes, today should be a nice little productive day at work. Seriously, I’m thinking maybe I can just submerge myself in the huge workload I’m supposed to have coming and forget about everything in my personal life for a few to eight hours.
I’m living the whole once upon a time theatrical bit. I don’t know what it’s gonna take in life for me to realize that there are no fairy tales, nor fairy tale endings. The reality is, no matter how happy you are, or how happy you think your partner may be – there’s always going to be that third person infiltrator. Hell, maybe fourth fifth and sixth, for that matter. They may come sooner, they may come later, but make no mistake – they always show up. And sometimes, they just walk right on into the house without even knocking. Without being asked or invited. Because that’s what a little harlot infiltrator will do. Oh, sorry… just thought I’d throw an example in there for ya.
Oh, girl… you should always ‘fight for your man’! Love will prevail… stand tall and don’t let anyone infiltrate what you have, break out the big guns!
Ummm – nuh.
I am not in my twenties or even thirties anymore. Trust me when I say the old ‘fire in me’ can still be ignited – but it won’t be happening for the soul purpose of an attempt to save a relationship. I learned a long time ago that doesn’t work… it simply cannot be that one-sided. So what am I saying? That I am well past the point of exhausting myself in a heated battle or debate over a) how a partner should handle said infiltration, b) addressing the harlot personally, because it’s not me who should be taking care of the situation, c) launching an all-out war, thereby leaving not a shred of doubt as to how I really feel… or d) any or all of the above. No, instead, I’ll just opt to gracefully take a step back. If the situation continues… well, I don’t know how graceful it’ll be, but I will be bowing out completely.
Simply put.
Tropical Storm Bon (nie)
I love looking at pictures of hotels and condos for rent at the beach. With all the online photo galleries and virtual tours they have now, it’s almost taking a little mini-vacation.
Almost.
K and I spent a good bit of last night checking out different places online. Our one-year anniversary is only a couple of weeks away, and we’ve talked about trying to head down to the coast for a couple of nights. I can hardly believe it’s been a year already…
Last night he took me out to a place called Logan’s not far from his house. They have the second-to-best ribs I’ve ever had in my life. Simply delectable… fall-off-the-bone-waste-not-a-bit-of-meat goodness. I’ve only experienced one place that beats Logan’s on ribs, and that would be TK Tripps at the beach.
For a four-day week, this sure has been a long one – I’m thankful for the Friday. The heat has been immeasurable this whole week, with highs around 98-100º. Thankfully, we’re getting a break starting tomorrow with hopefully some rain and definite lower temps.
K told me last night that the next-up tropical storm will take the name Bonnie. Well well well. I distinctly remember over a decade ago when Hurricane Bonnie ripped through Myrtle Beach. It’s hard to fathom the name has already made it’s way back around again. I never did score me one of those “I survived Bonnie” t-shirts back in ’98…
Happy weekend, everyone. ♥
Venus and Mars, perspectively
It’s the century-old question. Can men and women have a happy healthy relationship along with having a close friend(s) of the opposite sex? And remain friends, notwithstanding an affair? How about if that ‘friend’ existed before you came along, and you’ve always noticed or ‘felt’ this closeness between the two of them?
There are boatloads of opinions out there on this. Instead of a theological approach on the subject, I’m instead opting to provide you with my very own raw opinion. A Bon-view, as I like to call it. This ain’t gonna be pretty… could even get messy – might be a good idea to go ahead and don those rubber gloves from underneath your kitchen sink.
All joking aside, most man-moves can, are, and will forever be excused in the fact that they are men. I’ve grown not only to expect this, but to accept it as a fact of life.
Now, onto what I’ve learned.
Virtually any area of infidelity is contingent upon the type of woman that is playing along.
That’s right, I just said it. I believe the woman to be the deciding factor in whether an infidelity is to occur in a relationship, whether she’s the relationshipee or the outsider. Folks I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it… it’s a fact. And I seriously beg a debate.
Ladies… have you any wonder about the woman your man speaks so eloquently of, whether or not they were ‘friends’ before you came along? You’d damn well better have. Men… how about that guy friend of your girlfriend’s that she’ll meet for lunch from time to time, talk with on the phone, etc.? Is it really platonic? True enough, it could be platonic in both cases. The end result, though, will be determined by **none other than** the woman’s own moral convictions and willpower.
So by now am I sounding like a paranoid schizophrenic? Okay, I’ll give you that. The paranoid schiz in me was instilled by another, and it’s a daily struggle to keep that part of me buried. Maybe I arrived that way after realizing there will always be certain women out there that need the attention so badly they’ll resort to anything – including infiltration of a known relationship, be it marriage or other. The attention whore, for lack of a better word. Believe me ladies, when I tell you they are out there. Worse yet? They could be the very one that you perceive to be a good friend. Having been on the receiving end of the infidelity stick, I can tell you it’s humiliating and mentally draining – to say the very least.
So to wrap up my little rant for the day, in short – this is what I believe… and this is what I’ve lived. I want so very badly to protect myself in the future from this very damaging act. But just what is the answer? I realize that trust should be the key. Keyword, should.
Ladies, back to you…
Let ‘Freedom’ Ring…
Another Independence Day is upon us. I could really turn this blog into a political rant, but I’ll save that for another day. I will say that if you had warned our forefathers of the resulted socialistic thumb this country is being held under, they’d have probably packed bags and jumped ship back to England.
The weather has been absolutely amazing, the low was a record 56 Friday night with the highs in the upper 80’s on Saturday. SO uncharacteristic of the 4th of July! And I’ll definitely take it. It’s actually enjoyable to be outside in these temps, we’re all getting a break from hiding behind the a/c indoors.
I’ve really enjoyed the weekend so far, what with all the extra free time and all. Yesterday, a good friend of mine was in my neck of the woods, so she stopped by and I fixed us all a bite of lunch. I’d been wanting her to meet my guy anyway, so it worked out great – it was a good visit.
Yesterday afternoon I packed my bags, grabbed my feline and headed over to my guy’s house for the rest of the weekend. Camille really loves it here and we always get a bunch of laughs out of her antics. Ah who am I kidding, I love it here too. ♥
Just when I think he’s done it all, that there’s nothing left that can capture my heart and make me love him even more, K proves me wrong. Last night, he grabbed me in his arms, looked down at me and said, ‘You know what? After tomorrow, we will have officially spent every holiday of the year together.’ I’ll tell you right now that stole my heart all over again. I should be used to that by now…
I’m loving this life I’m in, and ever-appreciative of the treasure that I’ve found in him. I know I’ve harped on about second chances many times before, but in truth I can never do it enough. We’re older now, and hopefully wiser. When a blessing of this magnitude is bestowed upon you, it can never turn into something that’s taken for granted – and it never will. ♥♥
Miss Priss working hard at what she does...
Rest, Relaxation and Reality
I got a full night’s rest last night without waking up even once, until about 0830 this morning. My guy took me to see the movie Eclipse last night, what a great movie. No, I am not one of those over-40 women who gush over the boy stars (but umm, let me say there’s only one that I still consider a boy…) 🙂 I think what I love so much about the saga is it’s the perfect mix of action, drama and romance. And let’s face it, it’s unrealistic – so the Piscean in me basks in that dreamy part of it too. Anyway, I won’t spoil it for you – just to say if you haven’t yet seen it, it’s a must-see.
A day off, finally. What a joy to not have anything to do or anywhere to go. Pressing, that is. Time is at my own pace, and come what will. The weather is cooler, humidity is down, sun still shining, and hallelujah Praise God I’m off for three whole days. Even a simple trip to the grocery store and to tan was enjoyable this morning. Rode with the windows down and my hair blowing, just like it was spring again.
Now, if someone would just invent a Virtual Vacation to the beach, I’d be just peachy. Everyone I know is either en route there, or on the way back. I’m serious when I say everyone. Well, almost. Most of my friends on facebook are, my daughter is, my cousins are, I don’t need to go on. Guess I’ll be there one day soon, hopefully. My friend is getting married at the beach on August 22nd, so I’ll definitely be there on that day even if I have to drive down alone for that. She so deserves this most perfect day in her life and I’m so happy for her.
I do love fairytale endings… and they happen so rarely in Real Life. Hmmm, maybe the fairytale is what I love so much about the Twilight Saga. ♥
Bits and Pieces
I gazed down at myself as I sat down in my car seat this morning and discovered a spider had hitched a ride down the stairs with me. Lovely. I should be used to it by now I so hate spiders.
On a brighter note, here comes our holiday finally and with it the three-day weekend. Longer for some, I know, but I’ll take the extra day and not complain a bit. I recently made a friend who frequents the lake (via boat) and she invited us out this weekend. I’m SO STOKED I couldn’t be more excited if I were going to the beach. Wellll, I might be a bit more excited about that – but this is still major to me. I haven’t had a good day out on a boat in well, I don’t count last year because the boat never even moved from it’s stationery spot. So, three years now. That’s far too long for ole’ water-Bon to be a land-lubber. Craving the ocean too, but that’s a whole other story. The lake will most definitely temporarily suffice.
So, Eclipse has come out. All of my New Moon buddies have seen it so far and are telling me it’s mega-awesome, so I can’t wait to see it. My guy said something about Monday and it probably will be less crowded that day. One friend of mine was going to see it for the second time last night. The last movie I went to see more than once was Nights in Rodanthe, which I saw 3 times at the theatre. I didn’t know it at the time, but that movie was to become a staple in my newfound single life.
I have a friend who is taking his girlfriend to the beach this weekend – and planning to ‘pop the question’ to her. From what he said, she’s wanted this for a long time, and what better time than July 4th holiday? I’m such a romantic, so I bask in stories like these. I got all sappy yesterday when I heard what he was planning, and the girls at work were laughing at me. I can only explain it by saying that I’ve never in my life had anyone who actually wanted to marry me, so I guess that’ll make a person a romantic if nothing else will. I can’t wait to hear how he did it when he gets back in town… will he propose on the pier? On the beach? Or maybe at Broadway, standing underneath the fireworks after they start… my goodness, I love that idea….
Stay tuned. 🙂
My Brightness
Whoever first told me life gets harder as you get older sure knew what they were talking about. I believe it was my mother. We live in an age of a failing world (okay I know that sounds drastically morbid – but it is, let’s face it). We’ve done so much damage to the environment that it’s irreparable, with the continuance of damage ongoing still – today, tomorrow, next week, next year. The economy sucks, and people are struggling financially. The entire world is crime-ridden and it seems even more so in the US. Too many people have lost their religion, that is if they ever had it to begin with.
For these reasons it makes me that much more appreciative of the soul that has come into my life. My brightness. The person who actually makes me better. Brighter.
It all started last July 29th when we started messaging each other (I still have every email correspondence we’ve ever sent). Our first date was August 1st. Man, were we ever both nervous. I’ll never forget coming down those stairs and seeing him leaning back against the hood of his car… lookin’ so cool. 🙂 It’s one of those memories that I hope never fades with age.
No one is perfect – but I’m so beyond perfect that it’s hilarious. I have so many little quirks and eccentricities that need tweaking. I get agitated and worked up easily. He keeps me grounded. I frequently find myself trying to accomplish too much and freaking out when my goals aren’t met. He is teaching me to take life slower. We both have trust issues when it comes to relationships, and have since learned that it’s okay to let our guards down with each other. That in itself was a feat that took some time – time that we look back on and smile at now.
Yep, we’re getting older all right. But that’s not always a bad thing. After all, if we’re lucky enough, we might can capture a little wisdom from it. The kind of wisdom that allows us to be appreciative of the best things in life – that which is right in front of us.
Hats off to second chances….
Reconnecting
A particular social networking site never ceases to amaze me. It’s been a constant source of reconnection with former classmates, friends and even family. It really blows my mind – and can be a stark reminder of just how many miles we have on the ole’ engine.
Sometimes I don’t even recognize people when it’s been 2 ½ decades since I’ve seen them. Did I just say 25 years? I remember thinking when I was 25 ‘where and what will I be when I’m 35’. Anything over 30 seemed so old to me back then.
It’s funny to see how people have aged, or haven’t. I often look at people and wonder what they’ve been through in their life. Whether as a whole, it’s been fairly easy – or the tribulations have been many. I wonder what kinds of stories they must have to tell. Even looking at pictures seem to lead me to further interest as to how a person’s life has been. How their children’s lives have been. I guess all of this is just human nature.
The biggest credit I give the site is meeting/reconnecting with the man in my life. We actually were former classmates in the same graduating year. I simply cannot imagine my life now without him in it. So I’ll give credit where credit is due – were it not for good ole’ Facebook, our paths likely never would have crossed again.
Go… and Be Happy.
I often wish I’d started blogging a while back. Then again, if I had, it would’ve been the most boring drawn-out process of arriving at the point I’m at now – which is happy. Yes, money is more than tight, referencing yesterday’s rant… but I am happy.
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a few blogs on another site. This site isn’t public and I’m thinking of closing it down soon, so I wanted a ‘storage bin’ to house a couple of them. I’m thinking my current blog would be a good storage choice. Rereading them just now, I once again stumbled upon what I was so desperately searching for from the very beginning…
The Quest for Happiness.
Guess I need a refresher course every now and again… So, go ahead – make the jump. But above all………. be happy.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Good Life
Category: Life
Life is good.
Simple words, aren’t they? Actually these three words can branch out in so many directions and mean so many things. Right now I’m partial to what they symbolize to me.
Which is, the ultimate realization that I am happily independent. It’s taken me a while to say that with some enthusiasm, but man oh man – what a great feeling it is to finally get to know, and actually like, your own self.
And finally being able to say…. ‘I did it’. While smiling.
The forever analyst that I am, I’d find myself constantly searching for the flaws in my own character that might have led up to or even caused the ending of my old life. It took me a while to realize that until I embraced my own self, gave myself some actual worth, that I would in fact be alone in my new life. You absolutely are how others see you. Might be sad – but this is fact.
Being off work on a holiday, getting up and having the day with which to do exactly as you please, no one to answer to…. though a rarity, how glorious is that? There are so many people confined in a tempestuous or otherwise unhappy relationship that dictates their every move, even on a day off from work. Actually, days off are usually even more trying if you’re in a relationship that’s gone south. I sincerely remember.
This morning I do my usual cleanup of self and house – then cook 2 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast lightly buttered, add grape jam – and oh, can’t forget the OJ with lots’ o pulp. Savoring every bite sitting on my porch while looking out at all the new greenery, I thought to myself…. ‘only breakfast at the beach could top this right now’. Mr. Huge Hovering Devil Bee who’s positioned himself directly above the railing to watch me eat doesn’t even bother me.
The most simplistic things in life really are the most important. The sunrises, sunsets…. the birds building and mating in the Spring (in my hanging basket, no less). A good breakfast. Looking forward to the imminent thunderstorm. Crossing the bridge and gazing at the ‘diamonds on the water’; locking them into memory. I told a friend recently that I’ve gotten pretty good at driving a straight line on the bridge while my head is turned completely towards the lake. LOL In any case, the love and appreciation for these things will only come once you are truly satisfied and content with your own self worth. I am forever thankful for being at that point in my life.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Setting the REAL record straight
Category: Romance and Relationships
Every so often I get the urge to write a blog. Although the urge isn’t really there today, I more just feel the need to. Jot down some things that have been weighing on my mind, all related to the colorful year I’ve had so far. A year that’s made me feel failure-esque for the most part.
To try and understand how there can be so many fake people in the world is a daily struggle. What does it take anymore to be REAL? Out of two relationships I’ve had this year, both have failed. I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless. What I am saying is that both of these individuals happened to not be ‘real’.
Though a world different in all other areas, both individuals had this one little trait in common. Neither were genuine – neither were real. They both were masters of disguising theirselves as someone they were not. Whether it’s covering up something of grave importance (case #1) or leading someone to believe you lead a life that doesn’t really exist, along with hidden anger issues (case #2) – the simple fact remains… YOU AREN’T BEING REAL.
I realize it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At the time, it did make me wonder why I even bothered to put myself out there. Was there something about me that attracted this type of masqueraded personality? Was I really that gullible? Or did I want to be loved so badly that I was turning my head to the obvious? After much thought, I’ve decided to suspend the search for the answer – instead moving forward with slightly more ware on life this time.
Recently I’ve reconnected with someone who has showed me that there are still real people in the world. This person has also dealt with a not-real someone in their own life for many years. It’s been helpful and healing to share our experiences, and realize that we aren’t so alone in our quest to find someone out there that is genuine. Although we’re still in the early stages of a relationship, I can say that through him, I am slowly learning to trust again. That guard is still somewhat in place – as I’m sure his is too. We’d both be fools not to, right?
The Sure Thing
About a week ago a local channel aired an 80’s movie I hadn’t seen in a long time called The Sure Thing. The plot: an unlikely pair of college students that end up falling for each other during a roadtrip to California.
So the name got me thinking – The Sure Thing. How many sure things are there in life? Not many. How can we ever be completely certain of a sure thing? The dictionary describes a sure thing as “An outcome that is assured; a certainty; something that is guaranteed to be successful”.
The only one sure thing I’ve ever had in life personally is that beautiful and shining Promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. That is it – though that is certainly more than we could ever hope for.
So back to what I was leading up to… is it ever possible to have a sure thing in a human being? To actually put your complete trust, love and confidence into a person, and see and feel that trust, love and confidence returned back to you? Moreso, is it smart to do this? Maybe not. What I do know is the more times you’ve been burned in your life, the more difficult it becomes to trust again. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that in order to acquire a sure thing – if there is a human version of a sure thing out there – you have to be willing to take some risks. To not only remain open, but actually be okay with the possibility of failure.
I’ve always wanted that complete trust factor in my life. Always always. Undivided, unequivocal, undiminished trust. Trust that’s so concrete there’s never any room for questions. A two-way trust that is so openly confident that it illuminates the darkness.
I believe I’ve found it – of this I feel more sure than I’ve felt about anything in my entire life.
A private hell
Seems like we hear more and more about cheating and abusive husbands. Now, more often than ever, we see these type of relationships coming to violent and tragic endings. Believe me, I’m very much aware of the fact that women cheat too, and some are abusive. When it comes to physical abuse though, the majority of the victims are women. Sadly, of the two issues, one often precipitates the other. While cheating and abuse both make me shudder, the two in combination are enough to take a person’s sanity.
I’ve written enough about infidelity enough to last me a lifetime. I am not nor am I trying to be an expert on the subject of abuse, mental or physical – the fact is that I am just very empathetic when it comes to these issues. The cold and heartless ‘I don’t feel a bit sorry for her – she could leave and get the hell out, but she chooses to stay’ never ceases to amaze me. Yeah, right. Unfortunately, more often than not, it isn’t that simple.
Fear prevails. Not only fear of her mate, but perhaps fear of sheer survival on her own. A woman may stay for her kids. Some women think and are made to believe ‘I must’ve done something to push his buttons’, and continually strive to avoid it happening in the future. They learn what not to bring up. They’re made well aware that their feelings are not meant to be shared, and that doing so will anger him. When she’s repeatedly told things like ‘no one else will put up with your sorry ass’ it eventually makes her believe that she’s worthless and unlovable to others. After so much time has passed living this life, she’s left with this shell of what used to be a whole person – just waiting to be led through yet another day. Week. Month. Year.
The next thing you know, half a lifetime has passed.
Anyone who reads this that is identifying with it in any way, shape or form – I beg you to seek help. There are places out there to help you. If you don’t have family to turn to, there are agencies and non-profit organizations out there who do care. Please don’t ‘stay’ and become a statistic. Read the news – the statistics are growing.
Here are a few signs of possibly being in an abusive relationship. If you find yourself identifying with even just a few of them, please take a step back and think about it…
You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
- is jealous or possessive toward you (jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships) this can include constant accusations of you cheating or running around on him/her
- tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding
- tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts, friendships, or even family ties
- is violent and/or loses temper quickly
- abuses drugs or alcohol
- claims you are responsible for his/her emotional state (‘you sure know how to push my buttons’)
- blames YOU when he/she mistreats you.
- has a history of bad relationships
- you frequently worry about how he/she will react to things you say or do
- makes ‘jokes’ that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, whether privately or around family/friends
- your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, or was abused themselves as a child
- your partner frequently ‘rages’ when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control
- you leave your partner frequently, only to return – against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones
- you have trouble ending the relationship even though inside you know it’s the right thing to do
Does the person you love:
- constantly keep track of your time?
- act jealous and possessive?
- accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
- discourage your relationships with friends and family?
- prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
- constantly criticize or belittle you?
- insist on control of all the finances and force you to account for every bit you spend? (except for reasonable cooperative budgeting)
- humiliate you in front of others? (including ‘jokes’ at your expense)
- take your personal property or sentimental items?
- keep daily mail from you, including taking it back to his work to store?
- have affairs?
- threaten to hurt you, your children or your pets? threaten to use a weapon?
- push, hit, slap, punch, kick or bite you or your children?
- force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be accessed from 50 states. Go ahead, launch the link below. It’ll truly break your heart to see what’s on top of the front webpage. They call it a ‘quick escape’ button that you can push to quickly exit the page if your abusive partner were to walk in and see what you’re looking at. If this is not a true jolt of reality, nothing is – it’s real, it’s thriving, and it’s growing. Continuing to keep quiet about it is continuing to feed it. Help get the word out that we no longer have to tolerate this type of behavior from a partner. God bless.
National Domestic Violence Hotline website: http://www.ndvh.org/
National Domestic Violence Hotline phone: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
That’s Amore
Oh I’ve got it badddd, I admit it. Probably bad enough to sicken the average person, really. So I don’t write about my love life much at all – I’ve kept it to myself for some time now. At long last, I believe I’ve earned the right to spill my guts.
There is no formula or logic to love. Being in love is like an anchor of reason and romance living in balance. Real love is a complete acceptance of the other person, and of oneself. It resides in the knowledge of one another – what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are, and what our potential is.
So just how DO you know when you’re really in love, that head-over-heels all-consuming kind of love? Now before you judge my own personal reasons below, let me first say that this is not a new relationship. The admittedly amateurish things I’m about to write might lead one to the conclusion this is a brand new infatuation of sorts.
It’s not.
When I receive an email or text I jump right to it, thinking it’s him. Same thing with a phone call. When I notice it’s not from him, I get the same sinking disappointing feeling every time (sorry, friends and family). When it is from him, my stomach suddenly takes on the role of Flipper. He’s on my mind every waking minute of the day. At night, he’s the one I dream of.
I miss him so much when we’re apart, that it almost can be described as an aching type of longing. When we’re together, it just feels right. Everything. All the integers of a successful relationship are present. The level of respect we have for one another is astounding, as well as the appreciation we both have for what we’ve finally found.
I have visions. Not the prediction type – more like daydreams of the life that I imagine for the future. I go off into my own little world with these visions of bliss and happiness. On the other hand – sometimes these visions take a dark u-turn when I have one about losing him. That’s the thing about visions, they build themselves – so oftentimes your worst fears manifest within one.
The way he looks at me makes me melt. His beautiful eyes often tell me a story – it’s difficult to explain. When he looks at me, I can all but see into his soul… I can feel how he is feeling, what he is feeling. His deep voice is both seductive and consuming – it makes me feel safe in a way that I never have before. I can hear his voice even when he’s not around.
I know it’s that kind of love because I can no longer imagine my life without him in it. The mere thought of losing him makes my eyes well up every time… Simply knowing the kind of man he is makes me strive to be a better woman.
And that, my friends, is mi Amore.♥
Is it really worth the risk? Seriously?
Here we are, Monday. Another day, another .50¢.
The weekend was great. And beautiful. And warm. Need I say more? Other than I’d like to have it back.
So here’s yet another statistic I feel the need to talk about. Shit.
I have a friend who has had some less than desirable information recently come to light about her guy and the woman he’s apparently been talking to on the sly for some time now. This isn’t just any woman – the fact is that she is a well-known skank. Yeah, you probably remember my blog about skanks. Ole’ Bon holds the utmost disrespect for these lower-than-low chunks o’ sewer trash. My friend had a gut instinct about it and asked him point blank. Thing is, he chose to lie to her face when confronted.
That was reason enough for her to end the relationship.
Which leads to my next question. Will ALL guys, if bait is dangled in front of them, bite? Because I’m seriously starting to consider this possibility. In not all of the instances, but a very disturbing majority – the skank they’re cheating with/contemplating cheating with is much less attractive than his current woman. Now I’m not just saying this because she’s my friend – but this woman is absolutely gorgeous, a true knockout – as well as being a kind and decent person and loyal as the day is long. Any guy out there would think Heaven’s gates had opened if they scored her as their girl. So why would her current guy risk it?
Guys?!? Why ya gonna risk it? I’m seriously at the point where I need some answers.
**jic any of you out there are in the dark about what a skank is… lemmie help ya out a little.
1. Skank:
Derogatory term for a (usually younger) female, implying trashiness or tackiness, lower-class status, poor hygiene, flakiness, and a scrawny, pockmarked sort of ugliness. Used to describe un-hygienic habits, very little clothing and usually hints at that they are “easy”.
And as if I haven’t already, I gotta throw another of my two cents in there…this is MY definition of one. Skank: a female that knowingly and purposefully goes after or persues a man that is married, taken, or otherwise already in a relationship.
Thanks, Urban Dictionary. 😉
The mariner has landed
I’ve decided that my ‘theme’ of the summer is gonna be nautical (yeah I know, my theme every summer is nautical). I’m now on a very stringent search for a silver pendant for a necklace. Nautically-themed, and I definitely want it to include an anchor. I ran across this one online and fell in love with it. I found it about a month ago and saved the picture, but I don’t know what website I found it on! The dufus I am.
Onto the rant of the day. Why can’t everyone just mind their manners and act nice? It’s not that difficult really. There’s always gonna be that idiot out there waiting to ruin your day. If ya don’t believe me, just look up a (positive) news story or youtube video, and check out the flow of comments underneath. I guarantee you the more comments it has, the more idiots on there saying stupid chit just to try and stir the pot or offend someone. Now I see why alot of people who upload vids to youtube disable the ability to leave comments.
So a famous television producer (formerly of Survivor) is being held in suspicion of the death of his wife while on vacation in Cancun. Now it’s come out that last weekend she found out he was having an affair. YOU KNOW ME, HERE IT COMES…. WTF??? Are ALL men cheaters? Wait, I know the answer to that – but it still doesn’t stop me from asking the question from time to time. What the hell are these men thinking? With? Ya wanna have sex with someone other than your wife? Okay, then save her the pain and humiliation and just separate first. Is it really that hard? Pardon the pun…
It’s all a big steamin’ pile of pelosi, I tell you.
I received an email recently that I just have to share the contents of.
NEW CUSS WORD
(No, not curse… we call it cuss here in the south so get used to it)
Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I often used the expression “Bull S***.” As I grew up a bit and discovered it was not necessary to use such crude language, the expression became “BS.”
What did I really mean when I used those expressions? I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half truth or just plain stupid. It covered any number of negative formats. The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially: foolish insolent talk.
I have decided that I no longer will use either of those expressions in the future. When I have a need to express such feelings, I will use the word “pelosi.” Let me use it in a sentence. “That’s just a bunch of pelosi.” I encourage you to do the same. It is such a nasty sounding word, it really packs a punch, we are no longer being vulgar, and it clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the word could be entered into the dictionary.
When on a ranch watch your step and don’t step in pelosi. It will get on the bottom of your boot and won’t go away until the next election. What a fitting and descriptive legacy for the Speaker of the House!
PASS IT ON TO AT LEAST 10,000,000 PEOPLE. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN OR YOU WILL GET MORE PELOSI THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A BULL AT.
Please and thank you. 
Life of Bon 
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