To each his own. To me my own.

Latest

Here, hold my eggplant

Today’s date with my daughter at the farmers market was to start bright and early at 8 am, per her request. The little darling overslept, leaving me there to people-watch for over an hour which is a bad move. I’ve since decided ‘opening time’ at the farmer’s market isn’t necessarily the best time for yours truly to arrive. Why? Because this is when all the skinny little vegan people are scurrying about, looking desperately hungry, frail and cold. It’s not hard for me to spot ’em – their beady little accusing eyes attempting to size me up tends to give me the creeps. The women’s ponytails are pulled so tight it could actually serve as a breast-lift. Instead of one canvas tote, they’re carrying three or four – still requiring a dump of the first load in their car before going back in for another round. With stern expressions, they complete their mission like a well-oiled machine. Truth is, I guess I’m more of the I’m hungover, slept ’til noon and decided to come out in my pajamas®  type. Sue me.

So that’s my observation on spotting a vegan. I also learned something today from babygirl – it appears I’ve mispronounced ‘vegan’ all my life (for the short time I’ve known what they were, anyway). Apparently the correct pronunciation is vee’-gan, with a long e and hard g. I like my own pronunciation better, which is ve’-jan, with a short e and soft g. This just makes more sense to me – it sounds short for vegetable, which is what they eat, right? Vee’-gan sounds too much like a monster or witch or something. So I think I’ll keep saying ve’-jan.

I’m just having a little fun here, so if you’re one of ‘them’ I’m sure I hope you don’t resemble the vast stereotype I witnessed today. Word… I just might have joined forces with you if I didn’t enjoy my meat so [very very] much. Then again, I could never give up that extra-heavy leather coat I got for Christmas that still permeates an entire room with the most pungently aromatic leather smell everrrrr. Pure Heaven, I tell you.

Off to cook my chicken. And zucchini. And squash. And corn. Did I mention I’m having chicken?

Posted by  |  February 18, 2012 | Categories: Family, Weekend | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Speaking Out

A few years ago, I wrote a post on domestic violence. Miranda Lambert has recently took some flack for a tweet she sent during the Grammys. To me that’s what twitter’s all about, speaking your mind and voicing your opinion (in 144 characters or less, of course). Although I respect Chris Brown’s talent in music, dance and choreography – that’s about as far as it goes.

Here’s the tweet:

If you don’t remember, the incident she speaks of is when Chris beat his then-wife Rihanna to a pulp – which probably didn’t take long as little as she is. The following excerpts were taken from the care.com website:

The photographs of her injuries shocked and horrified all those who saw them. Brown initially denied all charges, including felony assault and making criminal threats, but eventually pleaded guilty. He is still serving probation for those attacks — the probation being, in fact, the “harshest” part of his sentence.  Brown has been denied entry into Britain due to this conviction in a serious felony case. He has previously claimed to “not remember” the incident, and also claims that’s “not who he is” as a person — two hallmarks of someone who has not taken responsibility for their own actions.

The man convicted of domestic abuse got more attention than the woman who had BEEN abused, and got touted as a bigger comeback than the woman who nearly lost her voice but came back to win six Grammys.

Read more: Chris Brown and the Grammys: Forgive and Forget?

Pay close attention to what Shannon McKarney just said there. If your partner assaults you and claims ‘not to remember’ and/or says ‘it’s not who they really are’ PLUS never acknowledges any actual wrongdoing – consider it more than just a warning. Find someone to talk to about it. Do whatever it takes to put your situation out in the open. Forget about any embarrassment or shame. Act now in your own defense.

Because it’s more than just a red flag. It’s potential for a black flag with crossbones on it.

Update 2-20-12: Miranda needs to let it go now. She’s made her point.  ~BM

Posted by  |  February 15, 2012 | Categories: Hollywood, Life Struggles | Tags: , , , , , , | 10 Comments

I Gotta Be Me

When I started this little blog back in ’09, the intent was to create a sort of release valve for myself. Blogging can be a great way of expressing ones innermost thoughts, opinions, and feelings – especially for things that tend to go unsaid. Anything I jot down is not intended to impress a single soul with the exception of my own self. I held no expectations of anyone ever wanting to read what I wrote. I’ve said before but feel it bears repeating – those of you who find anything I have to say even remotely interesting humbles me greatly, and I thank you for that.

Regardless of content, anything you write that’s open to the public eye will eventually be critiqued on some level. It’s not a matter of if, but when. I’ve had posts taken out of context, some misconstrued, and three or four even taken personally which was never my intent. Through the course of time I have been ‘conditioned’ on what might be acceptable material and what might not ‘pass’. I’ve been advised as to what did and didn’t sound right, had recommendations on future topics, and believe it or not – had disappointment expressed on certain topics that I did choose. For example, something as simple as a television show that I like.

I believe when you change how you express yourself for the sole purpose of being politically correct to others, you start to lose a huge chunk of your own depth and creativity. I’ll even go so far as to say an actual part of your own self. Being a natural cut-up, I enjoy laughing more than anything – it’s not uncommon for me to incriminate myself from time to time in an attempt to be funny. Alas, long gone are my drinking jokes on twitter (hey, Blake Shelton can do it, why can’t I?). I have abandoned most of the profanity in my posts. Just when I think I have everything down pat – along comes yet another evaluation that all but demands a detour.

I guess it all boils down to how I choose to react to or handle the ‘conditioning’. I remind myself it’s only natural as a human being to yearn for positive attention and that ‘fix of approval’ from others. Sometimes though, I feel like a sculpture in the making – watching silently from the inside, as chip by chip I am chiseled into an image that everyone else approves of. But this isn’t reality – there is no such thing. It’s impossible to please everyone.

Personal possessions aside, how many things in life can you say really belong to you? Are actual extensions of you? Probably not very many. I’m not writing this blog for anything or anyone other than myself. These are my thoughts, and however crudely they may or may not be written is also mine. In fact, this whole thing you’re reading is about me. And I’ve gotta get back to being me.

Sammy said it best…

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5k2ZE6HAVo &rel=0]

Posted by  |  February 11, 2012 | Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Thinking Out Loud

Right before bedtime last night, I found out another friend of mine had gotten engaged. I’m uber-happy for her because, well, because she’s a wonderful person and she deserves it. She has three years invested with this man, and they both know full well what they’re getting into. Isn’t her ring absolutely gorgeous??

Which got me thinking (uh-oh). Three years. That’s almost how long I have invested. Don’t worry, I’m not going there again. Oops… guess I just did.

That dreaded Kenny Rogers song has been ringing in my head all morning, so I thought I’d do you all a favor and put it in your heads too.

“You gotta know when to hold ’em… know when to fold ’em… know when to walk away, and know when to run. You never count your money… when you’re sittin’ at the table – they’ll be time enough for countin’… when the dealin’s done.”

You’re welcome.

Posted by  |  February 7, 2012 | Categories: Love, Music | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

SuperFood Sunday

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve looked forward to today for a long time. Alright, for maybe a week or so. Superbowl, you may ask? Absolutely. Well, what it stands for anyway. I have to admit, I couldn’t care less about the actual game (if our Panthers ever go again, I’m sure that’ll change). To me, Superbowl Sunday is about everything that goes along ‘with it’.

Commercials. All those funny commercials that when asked about on Monday I can never remember (clears throat). Lazing around my jammies all day long with a nice hot fire blazing. The musical acts – I could take or leave Madonna, but I simply can’t wait for Blake and Miranda’s duet of ‘God Bless America’. Never to be last on the list… my chili.

Oh, chili – let me count the ways I love you. I cherish each and every ingredient that goes into making a love-filled batch. You see, I couldn’t use these ingredients in my old life because it wasn’t permitted. Now that the rules are out the window so to speak, consider it no holds barred. It’s not just meat, beans and a seasoning packet anymore, baby (meh). How ’bout starting out with some kickin’ seasoned ground beef, 2 different kinds of beans, couple cans of seasoned diced tomatoes, diced garlic, onion, habanero and bell pepper, hot Rotel, hot chili powder, and towards the end of it’s cooking life, a nice little half-bottle of cayenne pepper? Hey, if this sounds bland to you I’m always open to suggestions. Being that I’ve had chili-making policies to follow all of my adult life, you could say I’m a ‘chili rookie’ of sorts. Oh, and mustn’t forget the sour cream, grated cheese and jalapenos upon serving time. And the ‘Tostitos with a hint of jalapeno’. And the cornbread. And the Hawaiian rolls. Oh and pay no attention to the wine in the background. It’s, um… just for looks.

Prior to the main course, we’ll have Queso for an appetizer. How I do love that Velveeta and HOT Rotel. Have I mentioned I like it hot?

Happy Game Day to those of you who watch – I hope you enjoy it in your own special and memorable way!

Posted by  |  February 5, 2012 | Categories: Food, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Cupid Rhymes with Stupid

Does anyone out there actually like Valentines Day? Start looking forward to it as soon as the new year rolls around? Hello… any takers? Anyone at all? I apologize beforehand for my overly pessimistic curmudgeon-like attitude today. All of us need to rant now and then, and today looks to Be Mine. Pardon the pun.

If you look up a Valentine Grinch in the dictionary, you’ll see a big ole picture of yours truly. Seriously. Most people associate this day with love – but for reasons different than you might think, I associate it with hate. Valentine’s day happens to mark the anniversary of the worst day of my life. Through a dark and hellish series of events which originally started as a ‘gift’, this so-called special day actually ushered in the beginning of the end of my marriage. Such is life.

A couple of friends recently told me they dread Valentine’s Day this year because they’re single. Upon my response, “I hate it too, I wish we could just skip it”, each fired back with something along the lines of, “Yeah, but that’s easy for you to say because you’re currently with someone”.

Well… that might be how they see it (perhaps rightfully so, from their perspective) –  but it’s not how I see it. The fact that I currently have someone in my life will neither make the day more bearable or ‘easy’. Thing is, no one will ever see that evil day that took place years ago like I myself still see it. Although it’s frustrating knowing that most people will never ‘get this’ about me, I’m not at all certain I would even want them to. Sometimes an attempt to understand is accompanied by a strong sense of pity, of which I want none of. Suffice it to say that I would never wish upon another person this same catastrophic set of circumstances, especially when it’s all you’re left to mark a holiday like Valentines day with.

I’ve waited years for the after-effects of that abominable day to soften, to ease up, to heal. However fine I may appear on the outside, my inside is still just as raw and tortured as it was nearly a decade ago. I am the not-so-proud owner of a silent hell which has left me in an everlasting war with it’s demons – when all I ever wanted was for it to go away. The more time that passes, the more I realize this nightmare has likely taken a permanent residence within the balm of my existence.

V-day will come again, as always… and I’ll deal with it, as always. I don’t need a designated day on the calendar to celebrate my love for a person – I’m a big girl and I can choose to do that on any of the 365 days we’re annually afforded. Thanks.

I have earned my Grinch status. So kiss this, V-Day.

Posted by  |  February 1, 2012 | Categories: Holidays | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

A View from Mount Mitchell

Those who know me are well aware of my continuing quest to kick acrophobia out the window once and for all. Thought I’d share a few pictures of our road-trip yesterday up to Mt. Mitchell, the highest peak of the Appalachian Mountains and the highest point in the eastern United States. This is the highest up I’ve ever been. For those of you who’ve been much higher and think this is a simply a walk in the park – humor me. I’m terrified this high up (mainly during the drive up and down), but for some reason the mountains keep calling me back. It’s so beautiful and peaceful here, even if it does scare me to death.

Posted by  |  January 29, 2012 | Categories: Mountains, Photography, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Hint-hint

Ever throw a hint that doesn’t get picked up on? Maybe you’re sure that it’s a strong enough one to be recognized but it gets averted anyway, or worse – avoided. Not a good feeling. Can even be frustrating, especially if the hint’s been thrown out on a semi-annual basis for any length of time.

Hinting about a want, desire, or issue of importance in your life can be mentally draining when the hint goes unacknowledged. I understand it’s sometimes better to come right out and say what it is you want – but for me that key word is sometimes. The problem I have with this is, depending on the subject matter, there are wants/needs I just don’t believe I should have to suggest or hint for. It’s just the way I feel, the way I was brought up, the way… well, let’s just say I don’t want to repeat any past mistakes. That’d be kind of stupid.

Mama always said, stupid is as stupid does.

Setting Stages is a very close friend of hinting, and they often show up at the same event together. I’ve set some pretty cool stages myself, if I may say so – like Biltmore House and the beach. Is it right? Wrong? Hell, I don’t know. I just know I could do it, so I did. There’s this little thing you’ve gotta remember about setting stages, though. If your expectations are too high, you’ll end up setting your own self up for disappointment. Which sucks.

Throwing out an effective hint can be tricky. It needs to be thought out carefully beforehand, because the last thing you want is for the hint-recipient to feel pressured or bad in any way. You need to make sure whatever it is you’re hinting for isn’t too far-fetched or ‘out of reason’. If repeated hints never get addressed or acknowledged, the time will come when you must accept the fact that it’s probably something the other person doesn’t want.

Some things are meant to be… while others aren’t. And I’m pooped.

Posted by  |  January 27, 2012 | Categories: Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Gateway on the Lake

For some time now, the entrance way into the town of Lake Wylie has harbored the very deserted Waterside Crossing Shopping Center. I couldn’t help but compare it’s sad and desolate appearance with that of my own from several years back, when it’s adjacent boat landing all but became a second home to me. I spent more hours parked in front of that lake than I care to admit – long before I’d ever considered making it my home.

Lake Wylie will always hold a very special place in my heart – it’s the place I chose to start a new life. For sure, I was a stranger in a strange world – but the locals here seemed so friendly and welcoming. Even the fine folks down at the Chamber of Commerce made me feel like I’d known them for years, inviting me to the conference table each visit to sit a spell. I’m almost convinced it’s my own insistent badgering for a new local area map that ushered in the new one. Almost.

I don’t live here anymore, but I still get to cross Buster Boyd Bridge and pass through Lake Wylie on my way home each day. It’s just a given – this is a community that I’ll always love and feel a part of. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve all but ran off the road attempting to look at the reconstruction going on in and around the lake’s abandoned marketplace.

Why? Because it’s being given life again.

Couldn’t squeeze it all in – this is only about half of it.

The new Wylie Gateway on the Lake will feature a 26,000+ square-foot family fun center including a bowling alley, jumphouse and more. Also new will be a hair salon, an Asian Fusion restaurant and a new YMCA. Having joined the Y recently, I’m uber-excited about this addition – which also promises to be the first scheduled opening on April 1st. The old saying ‘you can’t please everyone’ remains tried and true. I have heard that the vibrant colors that were chosen have offended some, while many others approve. Personally, I’m of the consensus that the colors promote a friendly and fun family feel within a vibrant lake community, which is exactly what Lake Wylie needs to boost economic growth. One simply cannot argue the benefit of life being breathed into this location again.

Besides… this place isn’t going to look sad anymore. 🙂

Link to Article in Lake Wylie Pilot

Link to Planning, York Development Group

Posted by  |  January 26, 2012 | Categories: News, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Blue Lagoon, here I come…

Picture credit http://www.sttdirectory.com

I am uber-happy to report that soon, I’ll be able to strike a few to several items off my bucket list. The more I think about it, I could quite possibly kill off numbers 2, 5, 8, 11, 13 with one stone. Later this year, I’ll be going on my inaugural first cruise with my babygirl. Look out, high seas, you’d best be on your guard for these two…

Ahoy!! Thar’d be danger up ahead, matey…

Our planning commences in the wake of the Costa Concordia tragedy (which reminds me of the Titanic in so many regards, minus the idiocy). I admit it makes me a little nervous, but for whatever reason I’m able to excuse human error better than mechanical failure. I know, it should probably be the exact opposite – but that’s just me. (So what’s that word normal mean again??)

I cannot wait to bask in that beautiful clear blue water and all it’s glory. I know I’ll be so totally enthralled with it’s beauty that I’ll be searching for a way back at least yearly until my time here is up. The balcony room we’re getting is going to be fabulous, and worth the extra cash.

We got together this weekend and studied the excursions. There are SO many choices of things to do while docked – and it’s already become apparent that traveling my maiden voyage with a seasoned cruiser will serve to my advantage. There’s so much I don’t know, and I’m trying to retain all this new information as I go along. Right now it’s a toss-up between the stingrays and the dolphins (the dolphins are ex-pen-sive). Zip-lining is another thing we’re considering – and the snorkeling is a definite. Heck, the excursions themselves are pretty expensive. But hey… I’m gonna do a self-toot of my own horn here by reminding myself I’m worth it. I’ve waited almost 44 years to see water that  blue and I’m jumping all over this jewel of an opportunity! Whoo-hoo!!

Maybe Keith will land that job in the Bahamas and we can stop to visit him on the way back from St. Thomas… 🙂

Posted by  |  January 24, 2012 | Categories: Beach, Travel, Vacation | Tags: , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Working Class Hero

This recession has really played havoc on the new construction business, that’s no secret. Being an elevator mechanic, this 100% affected Keith’s career. A few weeks ago, his old job called and asked him to come back. This is the place he’d worked for almost 18 years, who’d initially laid him off several months after we’d started dating back in ’09. The company that had since ‘picked him up’ (I use that term extremely loosely) would only work him for short tenures, which was when they got in a crunch and really needed him. Then BAM – it would be dude, we don’t need you to come in tomorrow. Actually uh, maybe not for another month or two. (cough-cough… shady) Even though he offered them a good working notice, when Keith informed Shady Place he was leaving for full-time working status again, the guy actually copped an attitude about it. Like a dog that didn’t want the bone but didn’t want any other dog to have it either. Go figure.

Thought I’d share several pictures he took of the silo his team is currently working on. All work is outdoors so they’re in the element for sure, but he thinks it’s super-cool. So do I.

It’s over 400 feet up, and if you enlarge the picture below you can actually see the Charlotte skyline in the center. I’m just not a real big fan of the splintering wood.

He said this job is unusual because of the man-made catwalk around it and the makeshift elevator on the outside they have to ride up each morning in the dark. Up high the wind is double to triple what it is on the ground. This structure differs from skyscrapers and other taller buildings he’s worked on in the past in that there really isn’t a retreat indoors. The picture of the center steel above reminded me of a scene from the movie Shawshank Redemption, where as they retarred the roof, old Andy Dufresne bargained for his ‘coworkers’ to have three cold beers apiece.

Friday night Keith told me about an opportunity that he put his name in the hat for, so to speak. It would be for a two-year stint in the Bahamas, for a new resort that’s going up – so he would be there for the long-haul. He won’t know immediately whether he is chosen, but I so totally would’ve have put my name in for it too. I mean, if you don’t have small children at home or some other commitment that needs honoring, how could you resist? The pay would be outstanding and well – there’s a lot of perks to it, as well as disadvantages. If his name does get picked… we’ll just go from there.

As of current – he’s just happy as a lark to have his old job back. 🙂

Posted by  |  January 22, 2012 | Categories: Careers | Tags: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Woman with no Middle Name

I was raised living with both my Mother and Grandmother (Mammaw), to whom I give credit for many ‘old-school’ morals I had instilled. Looking back now, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Born in 1917, she rose in the era of the Great Depression – a gentle, vibrant and curious child number five out of an eventual ten. Of her nine sisters and brothers, Marjorie McCorkle was the only child who was not assigned a middle name. At the very least, these odds alone might deliver a hefty blow to one’s own self-worth. The others were all given distinguished middle names, such as Coolidge, Fletcher, Louise and Gleason – so it still behooves me as to why her parents would choose to let one child go without that very important integer in their life.

I overheard the story several times throughout my childhood. “It must not have been important at the time. All the other children were given a middle name – except for me.” Whenever she talked about it, she always smiled – but I knew that smile all too well. Marjorie had become a master of hiding any hurt behind that beautiful smile of hers.

The meaning of the name Marjorie is ‘Pearl’ – I found the description to coincide as closely with her persona as it did the effect she had on people. It is a strong and elegant name, one of empowering status. It may be pronounced the English way by way of MAARJHeriy (to sound like a ‘zh’ instead of a ‘j’). I wish I’d known the meaning of Marjorie before now, as she would have had some damn nice pearls. What is it they say about hindsight again?

It interested me to learn of some famous personalities who were born in 1917: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Desi Arnaz, Nat King Cole, Dean Martin, Lena Horne, Richard Boone, Phyllis Diller, Joan Fontaine, Robert Mitchum, Susan Hayward and Jane Wyman. At this very moment I can almost sense her reply, “I’ll bet they all had middle names.” And you know, she was probably right.

In pondering the subject, perhaps for too long – I have decided to give my dear grandmother an honorary middle name. I ended up with two full legal pad pages of names. My final choice was not taken lightly, nor was it made quickly.

From beginning to end the name Elizabeth refused to leave my head. At some point during my childhood, I remember her telling me she did love that name – perhaps would have even picked it for herself. In biblical times, Elizabeth was John the Baptist’s Mother. The name Elizabeth is from a Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise”, “oath of God”, or “God’s daughter”. Elizabeth has always been a widely used English name, of which my grandmother was of Irish-English ancestry. It makes perfect sense for her to have been given an English first and middle name, whilst carrying the Irish surname – eventually changing back to English once she was married. How I do love things that make sense; there are so very few in the world that do.

It may be 95 years late, dear Marjorie – but do know that you were extremely worthy in all aspects. This albeit ‘honorary’ bestowal comes with much love and adoration from your ‘bunny rabbit’ who misses you still, every day.

Until that fabulous day when we meet again, Marjorie ‘Elizabeth’ McCorkle Jones. And guess what, Mammaw? It’s got a real nice ring to it…

Posted by  |  January 20, 2012 | Categories: Family | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Happy Birthday Mammaw… and Betty White

Today is Betty White’s 90th birthday – so here’s a big ole’ shoutout to one of the funniest ladies ever. I heart Betty White. I mean I really-really BIG ole’ heart Betty White. Why? For a whole truckload of reasons, really… the main one being that she’s always reminded me so much of my own Mammaw.

Betty and my Mammaw share the same birthday. Betty was born on January 17, 1922; Mammaw on January 17, 1917 – both children of the great depression under very different circumstances. Betty had originally aspired to become a writer, until she wrote and played the lead in a graduation play at school where she discovered her interest in acting. She has always had the unique ability to sustain grace, class and elegance while showcasing her superior wit, charm, and sense of humor.

Marjorie McCorkle Jones not only possessed that graceful and elegant forte, raised to appreciate the finer things though her life had many struggles – she had an extraordinary sense of humor. She could light a dark room up with her smile and laughter. One day, she’d hop like a bunny across the floor for me – the next, chase my bully off across the school parking lot (if you’ve never seen a bulging pre-teen boy running from a white-haired lady hauling ass out of a yellow Ford Pinto, I highly recommend you do). My Mammaw was a good Christian lady who always knew her place and loved the Lord dearly – but like Betty, she hadn’t a single inhibition of the occasional curse word passing her lips when so warranted. She loved to laugh more than any person I’ve ever known, lest I include myself.

Through the years I’ve followed Betty’s career, I’ve found the two personalities to so closely mimic each other that I could actually imagine a scenario of Betty and Mammaw being best friends back in the day. Her and a group of her girls skipping a day of high school together as they swung from vines underneath an old one-lane bridge on Old Dowd Road – where one eventually fell, broke her arm and brought the fun to a screeching halt. True story. Minus the Betty White scenario.

For the above and many more reasons, I’ve officially added Betty to my I’d love to Spend 24 Hours With… list. To hang out with this chick for a whole day would be a much-needed blast. In my book, she’d be right up there with Ellen.

So… Happy 90th, Miss Betty White Ludden. And Happy 95th to you up there in Heaven, dear Mammaw – if the earth numbers even matter now. Big hugs and kisses, from your bunny rabbit. 🙂

Posted by  |  January 16, 2012 | Categories: Family, Hollywood | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

By the Light of the Full Moon

How do I start this, I sit here and wonder to myself. Do I even want to write about it at all?  Not really. Do I need to?  Probably. Problem is, my fingers don’t want to do the talking either. What the hell am I afraid of writing? Hello out there… brain to fingers – get to moving, babies. I need to get this out.

More ‘stuff’ over at the old house to go sort through. When my ex contacted me about it last week, I thought there was maybe just a bag or two to pick up. It was this time about four years ago when we were busy ‘splitting’ stuff. We stayed busy ‘splitting’ for months on end – after all, you do tend to accumulate a shitload throughout twenty-one years. So we split, split and split some more. When the emotions would get too high, we’d quit and start up again the next day, splitting again. I remember the pictures were the hardest – boxes and boxes of them.

I thought everything had been done. Nope… there’s more. Let’s go take care of it – it’s Goodwill or bust, ya know.

I’ve only had to go back over to the house a handful of times during the last several years. I don’t like driving through the neighborhood. I don’t like going down the street. I do NOT WANT to go in the house, as my daughter insisted on today “Mom, Dad knows you’re gonna be here to go through this stuff – I told him and he’s okay with it.” And so I commenced inside, where neatly stacked in her old room was a good-sized pile that came from the attic. Old baby clothes, stuffed animals, my old knitting materials, some outdated clothes, a few things that belonged to my grandmother, some of my old toys as a kid, all the missing Halloween decorations, and cards. If I failed to mention it before, I do not like going through cards.

Just when I think I’m a step ahead of the game, a day like today comes and knocks me back down a notch. Reminds me that I might not be as strong as I think I am. Was. Whatever. I must swallow the fact that I will forever have these demons, I’ve just realized they aren’t going to go away. What is it? No matter, for what’s done is done. My biggest demon? Failure. Still haven’t moved past that effing failure thing.

Through the years, I’ve learned a neat little trick. I can usually disguise the funk with a smile – on a good day, maybe even season it up with my boisterous laughter. It’s a trick my Mammaw taught me, albeit unconsciously. Ordinarily, it works. Until I’m alone. But that’s what matters, right? It’s just enough to get ya through a tight spot, when someone might be looking. Alone… well, you’re just that. On your own.

I guess the passage of time really isn’t all that when it comes to healing, or growing, or progressing, or whatever it is they say you do. I realize there are good days and bad, for all of us. As for me, I’m just thankful for that huge smile I was born with.

Posted by  |  January 10, 2012 | Categories: Emotions, Family | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Dirt to Sand

When I was a kid, my Mom used to point out the sand on the side of the road to indicate we were getting close to the beach. I must’ve worn the question “Mommy, how much longer ’til we’re there?” into the ground. She finally found a way to divert my attention from that irritating question every ten minutes – to pay attention for my own self to my own surroundings. Another great lesson in life by a great Mom.

Now when I’m on the way to the beach, I still pay attention to how the red dirt slowly evolves into beautiful white sand. Except now, I also appreciate the beauty of it. It serves two purposes.

Sometimes it takes patience while you’re waiting on the dirt to evolve into white sand. As my dear uncle used to say, ‘such is life’.

Ever felt like you’ve bonded with an animal of the wild? I tend to bond with many of the seagulls, at least I like to think so. This little girl seemed ever-accommodating – a trait I see as both admirable and disturbing. I named her Bon.

Posted by  |  January 8, 2012 | Categories: Animals, Beach, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

A Rare Find

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

~Bob Marley

Oh, he was indeed a rare find – God broke the mold when he created Bob Marley. I wanted to share my ‘rare find’ of a gem from our New Years beach trip. I paid too much for it, but it’s a Billabong so it’ll probably still be here after I’m long gone. Do know that I will be wearing this thing all summer long and it’ll have to be pryed from my nubby little fingers to make it into the washing machine. It’s true – come next Summer, there will be one 44-going-on-24-year-old woman running around in a (very fashionable, might I add?) Marley tank. Sue me.

I. Love. This. Thing. Have I mentioned I’m going to see my Red Hot Chili Peppers in a few weeks with my daughter (her Christmas present to me)? And did I mention Lo-WER Le-VEL? So see, sometime between now and then I’ve got to get my cool back. Thanks for the head start, Mr. Marley. 🙂

Posted by  |  January 4, 2012 | Categories: Miscellaneous, Music | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

New Year, New Beginnings… Part III

Once again, a New Year is upon us. Time for me to choose a new header/banner, for the year 2012. Just as I choose a single word that best describes the prior year that passed, I also pick a new banner to use for the coming year. I enjoy reflecting back on the prior years’ words and banners, specifically for their powerful meaning to me.

In 2008 I wasn’t blogging yet, so no banner – but my word for that year was Monumental.

It’s not by accident that my first banner below included so many mountains.
2009 Banner:

My word of 2009 was Colorful.

The next piece below is made up of five of my most favorite things.
2010 Banner:

My word of 2010 was Serene.

The below shot is a panoram I took while staying at the beach last New Years.
2011 Banner:

My new word for 2011… drum roll please…

My word of 2011 is Transitional.

It was hard to find a word for 2011. When I finally ran across transitional, I knew I didn’t need to look any further.

I’m finding the end of 2011 to be this huge reflection pool, of this year as well as years prior. In late Spring I moved from my humble abode of three years, the place where I started my new life in 2008. It took some adapting to learn to live with someone again, since Keith and I had both been living alone for so long.

It didn’t take long at all. Where I live now is home in every sense of the word. Hard to explain, except that I feel like I’ve always lived there. Whenever Keith and I are together, everything just seems so easy. Of course life will always have it’s trials and tribulations – but it just seems easy. If that makes any sense.

So on to a brand new year. Nearly four years later, I can finally breathe that long-awaited sigh and say… this butterfly has completed her journey. And what a journey it’s been.

Posted by  |  December 29, 2011 | Categories: Thoughts, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Merry Christmas To You

It’s early, barely past twilight, and it’s Christmas. I’ve been awake for a couple hours now even though bedtime came late last night.

Christmas is here, the celebration of our Savior’s birth. The little baby whose bed was a manger on that cold star-filled night. Little did he know what was to lie ahead for him. Then again, maybe he did.

This has been the most amazing Christmas ever. Our girls are here and still snuggled tight under the covers fast asleep. I’d love to get a picture of them, but I don’t feel like getting killed today. 🙂 Stockings are filled, and I’m simply biding time with this little post before I start cooking breakfast and have to wake everyone.

I wish every one of you the merriest of Christmases, spent with good friends and family.

And Happy Birthday, Jesus.

Posted by  |  December 25, 2011 | Categories: Family, Holidays | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Old Man Winter’s here

It was a balmy 62° outside this morning, which didn’t seem right. I climbed into my trusty sidekick to go to work and marveled at the fact that it was so light outside. Normally having to be in at 7am, and with very few streetlights on the country roads, I appreciate driving in something other than pitch black. The horses and cows were already out in their fields, grazing on the lush green pastures from all the rain. Even my favorite handsome bull looked happy.

After the blue day I had yesterday, all of the above was a welcome sight. I went into work as a biscuit fairy this morning, which made me and everyone else happy. While I was in McDonald’s waiting, I talked with this nice lady who was also bringing biscuits to her coworkers – we both agreed a nice biscuit always makes people happy. I’ve got about 24 hours to propel myself back into the Christmas spirit, and since our girls are both coming it should be easier for that to happen.

My guy just texted me that there are some cows running around loose in the neighborhood. I so wish I was at home to see this. He only managed to get one picture:

Last night, I dreamed was in this huge mansion where a fire had started. Slowly it grew to one little fire in every room and everyone was running from room to room trying to extinguish it. When the fire trucks came, from the sunroom to the front door was completely blocked with huge obstacles – heavy rugs, big bags, and the like. I was the only one trying to move the stuff as the firemen were climbing over them to get through the front door. I remember yelling “someone help me move all this stuff so the firemen can get through!” and everyone’s response was “oh, they can get through – don’t worry about it!”

Dreaming of fire could suggest a transformation in life. The flames could signify the burning of any barriers that might be in the way. Not being able to let something go and letting it build within can be the reason for a dream of fire. Holding a grudge against something, or someone, could be the result of the dream.

Makes sense to me.

Posted by  |  December 22, 2011 | Categories: Dreams, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Rain

It’s cold, dark, and rainy. On certain rare days like today, I wish I could grab ahold of this state of mind I’m in and smash it right out of a 12-story window. Hard.

Sometimes, a person’s ‘thinking time’ can be more destructive than constructive. Combine those thoughts with just the right song, and it can unintentionally serve to outline that whole thought process. The past always seems to play a huge role in that.

Events transpire. Most things change – a few things never will. Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.

My favorite song (and music video) of all time. Always has been… and always will be. This is my sure thing.

Posted by  |  December 21, 2011 | Categories: Music, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments