I Gotta Be Me
When I started this little blog back in ’09, the intent was to create a sort of release valve for myself. Blogging can be a great way of expressing ones innermost thoughts, opinions, and feelings – especially for things that tend to go unsaid. Anything I jot down is not intended to impress a single soul with the exception of my own self. I held no expectations of anyone ever wanting to read what I wrote. I’ve said before but feel it bears repeating – those of you who find anything I have to say even remotely interesting humbles me greatly, and I thank you for that.
Regardless of content, anything you write that’s open to the public eye will eventually be critiqued on some level. It’s not a matter of if, but when. I’ve had posts taken out of context, some misconstrued, and three or four even taken personally which was never my intent. Through the course of time I have been ‘conditioned’ on what might be acceptable material and what might not ‘pass’. I’ve been advised as to what did and didn’t sound right, had recommendations on future topics, and believe it or not – had disappointment expressed on certain topics that I did choose. For example, something as simple as a television show that I like.
I believe when you change how you express yourself for the sole purpose of being politically correct to others, you start to lose a huge chunk of your own depth and creativity. I’ll even go so far as to say an actual part of your own self. Being a natural cut-up, I enjoy laughing more than anything – it’s not uncommon for me to incriminate myself from time to time in an attempt to be funny. Alas, long gone are my drinking jokes on twitter (hey, Blake Shelton can do it, why can’t I?). I have abandoned most of the profanity in my posts. Just when I think I have everything down pat – along comes yet another evaluation that all but demands a detour.
I guess it all boils down to how I choose to react to or handle the ‘conditioning’. I remind myself it’s only natural as a human being to yearn for positive attention and that ‘fix of approval’ from others. Sometimes though, I feel like a sculpture in the making – watching silently from the inside, as chip by chip I am chiseled into an image that everyone else approves of. But this isn’t reality – there is no such thing. It’s impossible to please everyone.
Personal possessions aside, how many things in life can you say really belong to you? Are actual extensions of you? Probably not very many. I’m not writing this blog for anything or anyone other than myself. These are my thoughts, and however crudely they may or may not be written is also mine. In fact, this whole thing you’re reading is about me. And I’ve gotta get back to being me.
Sammy said it best…[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5k2ZE6HAVo &rel=0]
Well said .. write what you choose .. it’s YOUR blog. With that said, I spent a great deal of my life trying to be a people pleaser. Guess what, it didn’t work. Somebody is always going to find fault, anyway. Then you feel even more crappy. Wise words were once said that I’ll never forget and you probably remember as well: Do what you can, feel good about yourself and don’t let anybody intimidate you. 😉
February 11, 2012 at 10:47 am
Thanks Mom. Believe it or not I ‘started’ this particular post a long time ago and didn’t post it. Funny, huh? And I remember who said that. 🙂 It’s a great one to keep in your pocket.
February 11, 2012 at 10:52 am
It seems that once we make personal thoughts public, the public feels certain entitlements? Nuh uh ! Your blog is a slice of the real you in the moment and our moments are ever changing. And they’re what makes each of us unique! Of course we censor ourselves, using discretion so that other people aren’t hurt ….. But not to the point of writing just to please others. If that were the case we’d be professional! lol
February 11, 2012 at 11:09 am
Everything you said is right on point. ‘If that were the case we’d be professional’ that’s the quote of the day, E! So funny, and true!! 🙂
February 11, 2012 at 11:59 am
You can understand why I must never be controversial or opinionated on my blog although I have strong convictions. So I do follow political blogs and comment on those as is appropriate. Yes and never a curse word even in comments even if that is the style of the blogger.
February 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I had some pretty heated topics when I first started under the category “The Angry American”, which I all but abandoned for sake of harmony and the diversity of readers. I guess this had to be, even thinking back – not to say I’ll never go there again. Never say never, I say. 🙂
February 13, 2012 at 7:30 am
Saying what’s on one’s heart and mind is what it’s all about. Keep smiling, Bonnie. You are one of God’s unique creations. There is no other just like you. Be yourself and shine. Blessings to you…
February 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm
You’re so kind to me, Carol Ann. Your words of encouragement always push me forward. Blessings to you, my friend.
February 13, 2012 at 7:32 am
Yes, we can’t write about over what we are. However it’s valuable to express ourselves because we can’t understand what we are exactly.
February 12, 2012 at 1:35 am
It’s important to stay ‘true to ourselves’, no matter what. I’m seeing more and more that molding ourselves around what others want is not the right way.
February 13, 2012 at 7:34 am
Bonnie, I look at it this way…. It’s your blog and you HAVE THE RIGHT to post WHATEVER you want! Thats what a blog is all about. Please don’t let others control what you feel or say! You have my thumbs ups to write whatever comes into that pretty little head of your’s!!! I do enjoy reading your blog, so BLOG ON!!! Love you! 🙂
February 12, 2012 at 10:31 am
Helen, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Unfortunately I must have let the whole thing venture past the ‘safe zone’ which I now regret. I’m the type who will do just about anything to accommodate or please someone, that’s always been a fault of mine. It’s also nearly impossible for me to say no or argue a point (unless it’s with a spouse – that of course is different! haha). I must make it a point to remind myself from time to time that this is my vent, and my release. Love you too!
February 13, 2012 at 7:41 am
This reminds me so much of how I got Freshly Pressed. Okay, let me get this straight. I had no intention of promoting nor bragging at this very moment so my apologies for plugging that uncontrollably. It’s just that I believe that the kind of thought/realization I had when one of my blog posts was recognized has the same point.
The story when something like this:
… Almost two years ago, I started “playing” on WordPress because the then two most popular social networking sites were already added to the blocked websites of the office. My wandering mind couldn’t stand the boredom so I tried looking for a new site to use and play with. It was there that I found WordPress.com. The first post, “My Rambling Fingers”, I made talked positively about what I felt towards the office’s decision to block Facebook and Friendster. Then it went on like this was the perfect venue for my blabbermouth to do its job and for killing time.
After making less than 15 posts or entries by the first quarter of 2011, I observed that I only get very few views for this kind of endeavor. But, when I started reading the Freshly Pressed (FP) Entries on the homepage almost everyday on the same quarter, I was inspired to try my luck on it. It was there that I decided to turn this blog over a new leaf. Id est, to become a travel blog where my primary purpose is to promote the beauty of our homeland, Philippines, using my point-and-shoot cameras. This move made all the difference.
The few views I used to see on my site statistics gradually increased meeting my expectations but far less than what I perceived as “standards” for getting freshly pressed. After a few months of infantile thinking that I could make it on FP and realizing that I was overdoing the effort, I decided to just simply share my travel stories for WordPress alone. The audience, in the form of views, otherwise became secondary. I just kept on writing and sharing the pictures I thought are beautiful. Nothing more, nothing less. …
When I did stop trying to please everyone, it’s when I became creative. And that’s really me — someone whose creativity is equated to sharing the stories of his wandering feet (& mind).
February 15, 2012 at 12:37 am
Sony, thank you for sharing this. It’s true, when we stop looking for ways to perhaps ‘get noticed more’, that it may find us. I actually find the same is true in love, no? We search and search for someone, and wish so badly to be in a relationship. When we stop looking… love actually finds US. Such is life – and it’s a remarkable thing!
February 15, 2012 at 11:32 am
Oh yes, Bonnie! I agree. 😉
February 16, 2012 at 3:16 am
Everyone starting a blog should read this. Writing for another people does not work. A blog should help you sort out your thoughts, feelings and opinions and make you feel better without you having to pay a shrink 😉
April 11, 2012 at 10:02 am
Thanks, GB. That’s exactly right, this particular release valve belongs to us! 🙂
April 11, 2012 at 10:53 am