Daisy Chain
The following is actually from a little over a year ago, before my blogging days. I did not write the words, but over a fair amount of time did do the compilation – written from a variety of beloved sources and wise souls. I remember at the time, I was in a sense lost – feeling alone and blissfully unaware of my own purpose in life. My arrival at this point came from a failed 21-year marriage and the quest to ‘find myself’. I was comforted by the wise words, and found myself ever-searching of them.
Running across it brought back memories of being truly alone. Of the endless search for wisdom – of knowledge of who was fake and who was authentic; and the hopeful ability to discern the difference. I’m not changing any of the content, nor the order… and I do realize it’s scattered. But at the time, so was I.
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My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them.
What is more the benefit? To love a person that is already loved by everyone, or to love a person that is rejected by everyone?
Hugging is healthy. It helps the immune system, cures depression, reduces stress, and induces sleep. It’s invigorating, rejuvenating & has no unpleasant side effects. It’s nothing less than a miracle drug. Hugging is all natural. It’s organic, naturally sweet, has no artificial ingredients, environmentally friendly & is 100% wholesome. Hugging is the ideal gift. Great for any occasion, fun to give & receive, shows you care, comes with its own wrapping paper and, of course, is fully returnable.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
We wait all these years to find someone who understands us… someone who accepts us as we are… someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight… that can bring us happiness in spite of trials… that can face our dragons in the night… who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.
Happiness needs sadness. Success needs failure. Benevolence needs evil. Love needs hatred. Victory needs defeat. Pleasure needs pain.
You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything.
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel of both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Forgiveness does not overlook the deed. It rises above it.
It always amazes me to see people making a decision to never forgive. It’s like trying to punish their tormentors by harming themselves. In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake. You’re doing it for yourself. For your own health and well being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It’s one thing you can be totally selfish about.
I’ve always heard to live everyday as if it was your last. I disagree. I think you should live everyday as if it was your first, where everything is new and exciting. You try new things, and you’re not waiting for your life to end – you’re waiting for it to begin.
Your friends are your release. They’re who you have the most fun with, and yet when the going gets tough, those people turn around and suddenly they’re not just making you laugh, they’re being this rock and giving you all their advice. Even though you’re so much your own person, if you dissect yourself, I guarantee you, your friends are in there. Their influence is incredible. However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship.
You’ll never know how much you needed your friends until you look back along the rope and realize how many knots they tied to keep you from Falling. I don’t want someone to catch me when I fall; I want someone to stop me before I do.
Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you’ve always wanted. If your someday was yesterday, learn. If your someday is tomorrow, hope. If your someday is today, cherish.
Walking away isn’t the hard part – it’s not looking back.
Tears are words the heart can’t say.
I tried to conquer the Universe, but it defeated me.
I tried to capture the Universe, but it eluded me.
I tried to understand the Universe, but it outwitted me.
So, clumsily, hesitantly, I tried to love the Universe,
And it embraced me.
Does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Sooner or later you have to make a choice…leave behind your passion, your dreams – or have the strength to look past all discouraging faces and look at yourself and know that you have what it takes… and you will prove them wrong.
To love requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. Whoever insists on safety and security as primary conditions of life cannot love; whoever shuts himself off in a system of defense and possession as his means of security, makes himself a prisoner.
Never assume greatness is for someone else. Imagine every day that you too can do great things. Have the courage to take the challenge, make the mistakes, and move forward. Who knows, maybe one day someone will be sharing your moment with you.
A fish named Bonnie
Oh how I’ve missed my little blog! I feel the weight of a thousand plus words just waiting to be written, though I’ll spare you that one today. It really is amazing how dependent I’ve gotten on this ‘release valve’ of mine (I love calling it that) and when I can’t write, or vent, well – it’s like a part of me is missing.
Late last week I graciously acquired a case of the intestinal flu. I have not been this sick in at least twenty years – it literally landed me on my ass. This is something that I would not wish on my very worst enemy. I was more than a little concerned over our beach trip and the fact that my boyfriend would also contract this highly contagious virus, since we’d been together for dinner just the night prior. Amazingly enough, as of right now post-weekend – he’s still virus-free. I thank the Lord for this.
So we had our little beach trip. 🙂 K called it ‘one of the most amazing times he’s ever had’ to which I have to agree. Ironically enough, his sister and her husband were also taking a trip down there, staying 2 blocks up from us! It made for double fun, we got together for a bikini lunch on the beach then had dinner later at Murrell’s Inlet, and barhopped a couple of venues there on the tiki strip.
Saturday night, we went out to the infamous Garden City Pier (I heart this place) where in peak season, a band plays at both ends of the pier. We actually found a table at the end of the pier where the band Coldshot was playing. Keith made a dream of mine come true when he stood and held his hand out to me for our first slow-dance ever on the pier. I can honestly say I have never been more in love with him than at that very moment – and it’s that moment in time I know I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
Another first happened when we were in the ocean – we were about waist-deep (chest-deep with the waves) when he noticed about 100 or so feet out a pack of dolphins gracing us with their presence. As the waves allowed, we watched them move rhythmically in and out for about 8 minutes from one side of the ocean to the other, until they finally faded from our sight. I’ve never physically been in the ocean and privy to dolphin sitings all at once, and we both felt very privileged.
I’ll even go so far as to say it was magical. But then again… so was the dance.
I spy… an AlpspiX
Here I go with my dreams again. I had a dream last night about extreme heights. I was ‘dangling’ from some place high above I-don’t-know-where, and alongside me was my (don’t laugh) cat… (I heard that snicker). For some reason I was more concerned with Camille’s well-being than my own, as she was more terrified than I. I’m thinking the whole thing was a direct result from that muscle-relaxer I took last night before bed.
Employees work on the AlpspiX viewing platform at the southern Bavarian Alps mountain Alpspitze in Garmisch-Partenkirchen 29 June, 2010. Photo courtesy http://www.daylife.com
Ironically enough, I just heard about the new AlpspiX in Germany. It’s almost finished and set to open on 4 July. Suspended a whopping 1,000 meters (3300 feet) in the air high over the German Alps, the AlpspiX is a viewing platform consisting of two 24-meter long arms that cross each other to form the letter X. The ‘arms’ protrude more than 13 meters (43 feet) over an abyss at the base of the Alpspitze mountain. Each arm of the X is just 3 meters wide and formed of a grid, which will allow snow to pass through it during winter. For your enhanced viewing pleasure, each of these arms will end in a glass wall for an unobscured view. The structure was designed so that one platform slants toward ‘heaven’ while the other element descends toward the valley of ‘hell’, the Höllental.
Photo courtesy http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-1290807
Don’t forget to pack your nerves.
Visit from beyond
I was ushered in through the foyer, past the living room and down the hallway. The doorknob to the right was turned, and the door opened for me to enter the room.
Their room.
The room itself was bigger than I remember, and had a radiant, almost heavenly look about it. I immediately noticed that it was cleaner, whiter, and less congested. It was almost pristine – with much extra room to move around. Just as quickly as the door closed behind me, they appeared.
The dogs.
My dogs. The dogs I had to leave behind through a marriage separation, now well over two years ago. And they were smiling. C’mon now, no bashing… any dog-lover out there knows what I’m talking about. They DO smile.
I don’t remember actually getting down on the floor, but in the next moment that’s exactly where I was, and where I remained. Chance and Rebel were all over me, and I was all over them. They were both clean as a whistle and smelled so good. There also was no gray in them whatsoever. The dogs weren’t pups, but they certainly weren’t old men, either! Along the empty sides and corners of the room, there were lots of clean blankets and sheets, all neatly folded – there must have been 8-10 of them scattered throughout the room. As time went on I kept grabbing them, unfolding each one and spreading them out for us, all while continuing to love on them. I remember thinking, ‘boy is someone gonna be mad at me for unfolding and messing up all these linens…’, but the dogs were loving it, and loving me. All three of us were so happy and comfortable, in that room.
The tears continue to fall as I write this. This particular visit occurred in a dream I had last night, on Tuesday night.
I believe it all started when I asked my daughter to take a picture so I could see them. I was at work Monday when I received them, and it immediately made me cry. My girlfriends at work saw this and were very sweet and caring – they are good friends and fellow animal-lovers to boot, so they understood without even saying anything. Just to see how gray the little and big guy’s faces had both gotten in two years was shocking – in particular Rebel’s, the boxer.
I’ve tried to force them out of my mind for a long time now because it’s just been too painful to think about. That still remains the case. I guess somehow, unfortunately, love really is associated with pain. Whatever the case is, I do still miss them greatly.
It was a good visit. No, it was better than good. The visit was awesome, even perfect. I hope they visit me again soon. Or should I say… allow me to visit them.
One of the pictures my daughter sent me
Dirty Dreams
Another night with very little sleep. Seems like I was up every hour. And these damned dreams, I’d like to have a night or two without them.
Last night I dreamed I was in a station wagon with an old girlfriend, who happens to be the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. She was driving erratically, and took a course off the road and down an embankment into a nearby field of sorts. We almost flipped going down it. Once we got to the ‘field’, we were stuck – we got out and noticed there was mud literally everywhere. We were then greeted by a couple of little dogs, fortunately they were friendly. Thick, heavy, orange mud abounded all over the place. I was barefoot, and everywhere I stepped was this mud, going in between my toes. The saving grace was there were also puddles of water here and there, they were muddy as well but held enough water to rinse off – albeit temporarily. I was then introduced to four ladies who are the sisters of a dear friend of mine (a different friend, not the driver of the car).
Obviously the key word in this dream is Mud. I didn’t like the interpretation of it.
- To see mud in your dream, suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some internal cleansing is needed.
- Walking in mud interpretation #1: To dream that you are walking in mud, suggests that you are feeling weighed down by a situation, problem, or relationship. You are feeling frustrated.
- Walking in mud interpretation #2: To dream that you walk in mud, denotes that you will have cause to lose confidence in friendships or relationships, and there will be losses and disturbances in family circles.
- To dream that mud has gotten on your clothing or body, signifies that your reputation is being attacked and called into question.
Well, enough already of the dream stuff.
I heard something that was absolutely a scream on the news this morning. There’s this new ‘company’ out there called Eternal Earth-Bound Pet, completely founded, operated and ran by atheists. For a nominal fee, this ‘company’ promises lifetime care for almost all domestic pets if their owners are transported to heaven within the next ten years. All of the atheists who are signed up across 20 states are self-professed sinners and blasphemers, and guarantee they will be left behind when the rapture comes and the chosen are lifted.
The group insists that this offer is real, as real as we christians believe the coming rapture to be. The founders are striving to assure us believers that our animals will “live in loving homes, not in animal shelters or pet mills”.
You’ve gotta be kidding me. These idiots have no idea how their very own quality of life will suffer after the imminent rapture (that they are now monetarily profiting from) occurs. There will be catastrophes of epic proportions everywhere. Pain, grief, sorrow, depair, desperation….you name it. Do you think they’re gonna worry about living up to some contract for pets of the persons who will now be considered lucky and blessed in their eyes? It’s gonna be a job for them to be able to keep their own pets alive and intact.
So, thanks for the offer, atheists – but no thanks. I’ll continue to rely on the fact that my dear Lord has a plan implemented for our dearly loved furbabies, as he has a plan in place for everything and everyone. I will make no deal with the likes of you. The Lord created them, and upon his return for us I trust and believe our dear pets will be taken care of in a way mannered by Him.
And Him alone.
No. More.
I’m hoping they’ll fade soon. Usually by now, anything I’ve dreamed has long been dissipated.
These things we know. A dream can warn us of potential danger. Things that trouble us often crystalize in a dream. Everyone who sleeps, dreams, including animals.
Certain ones I have, though not often, still make me question the sense of them. The purpose. Endlessly trying to figure them out is exhausting – just like my last night’s sleep was. These are the kind of dreams that decide they’d like to hang out with you for a day or so.
It’s very frustrating to me to have dreams that I can’t figure out. These dreams usually involve the past, as they did last night. I’d much rather not have them at all if I have to go back in time and relive moments I don’t want to think about ever again.
So remind me where the sense of it is again?
Tonight... it's gonna be sweet dreams, sweet pea.
Lucid Delusions
More dreams last night. But bad ones, bad bad. I’ll detail the worst one.
A good friend of mine’s husband was accidentally ran over by a car. My daughter had driven the car that took him down. She didn’t know she’d hit anyone and freaked out when she was told. The guy, to which I’ll give a fictitious name of Steve, had a few people standing over him. Those people were traumatized by what Steve looked like, and quickly moved away from him.
Steve was left all alone laying on what had now turned into a dirt road in my dream. Not even thinking about it, I ran up to him and knelt down beside him. It quickly hit me what was so traumatizing about his appearance. The entire left side of his head was missing. He was obviously in shock and I realized he would be expiring soon. He was still attempting to get up and was speaking in words that couldn’t be understood. I did my best at making his last few moments as calm as possible, holding him and cradling his head in my arms – and the blood, my God all that blood. It didn’t matter to me though, what was of utmost importance was him having someone there with him during those last few moments of his life.
Flash-forward to another scene in the dream, where Steve was alive and walking around. He still was missing the large portion of his skull, though it had now healed. At least this provides a little consolation to an otherwise horrible Stephen King-flavored dream. I won’t even attempt to interpret this one.
Addendum:
Ironic as it may be, I just received this link in an email from my father-in-law, who doesn’t even know about my dream and does not read this blog. Dirt Roads
Life of Bon 
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