Post Pardon
So remind me please of why I’m up at 4:30am perched behind the keyboard. Maybe it’s because after lying in bed for over two hours prior with my brain scrambling at 200+mph, I opted for the only escape hatch in sight – my computer. Yes, today should be a nice little productive day at work. Seriously, I’m thinking maybe I can just submerge myself in the huge workload I’m supposed to have coming and forget about everything in my personal life for a few to eight hours.
I’m living the whole once upon a time theatrical bit. I don’t know what it’s gonna take in life for me to realize that there are no fairy tales, nor fairy tale endings. The reality is, no matter how happy you are, or how happy you think your partner may be – there’s always going to be that third person infiltrator. Hell, maybe fourth fifth and sixth, for that matter. They may come sooner, they may come later, but make no mistake – they always show up. And sometimes, they just walk right on into the house without even knocking. Without being asked or invited. Because that’s what a little harlot infiltrator will do. Oh, sorry… just thought I’d throw an example in there for ya.
Oh, girl… you should always ‘fight for your man’! Love will prevail… stand tall and don’t let anyone infiltrate what you have, break out the big guns!
Ummm – nuh.
I am not in my twenties or even thirties anymore. Trust me when I say the old ‘fire in me’ can still be ignited – but it won’t be happening for the soul purpose of an attempt to save a relationship. I learned a long time ago that doesn’t work… it simply cannot be that one-sided. So what am I saying? That I am well past the point of exhausting myself in a heated battle or debate over a) how a partner should handle said infiltration, b) addressing the harlot personally, because it’s not me who should be taking care of the situation, c) launching an all-out war, thereby leaving not a shred of doubt as to how I really feel… or d) any or all of the above. No, instead, I’ll just opt to gracefully take a step back. If the situation continues… well, I don’t know how graceful it’ll be, but I will be bowing out completely.
Simply put.
Venus and Mars, perspectively
It’s the century-old question. Can men and women have a happy healthy relationship along with having a close friend(s) of the opposite sex? And remain friends, notwithstanding an affair? How about if that ‘friend’ existed before you came along, and you’ve always noticed or ‘felt’ this closeness between the two of them?
There are boatloads of opinions out there on this. Instead of a theological approach on the subject, I’m instead opting to provide you with my very own raw opinion. A Bon-view, as I like to call it. This ain’t gonna be pretty… could even get messy – might be a good idea to go ahead and don those rubber gloves from underneath your kitchen sink.
All joking aside, most man-moves can, are, and will forever be excused in the fact that they are men. I’ve grown not only to expect this, but to accept it as a fact of life.
Now, onto what I’ve learned.
Virtually any area of infidelity is contingent upon the type of woman that is playing along.
That’s right, I just said it. I believe the woman to be the deciding factor in whether an infidelity is to occur in a relationship, whether she’s the relationshipee or the outsider. Folks I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it… it’s a fact. And I seriously beg a debate.
Ladies… have you any wonder about the woman your man speaks so eloquently of, whether or not they were ‘friends’ before you came along? You’d damn well better have. Men… how about that guy friend of your girlfriend’s that she’ll meet for lunch from time to time, talk with on the phone, etc.? Is it really platonic? True enough, it could be platonic in both cases. The end result, though, will be determined by **none other than** the woman’s own moral convictions and willpower.
So by now am I sounding like a paranoid schizophrenic? Okay, I’ll give you that. The paranoid schiz in me was instilled by another, and it’s a daily struggle to keep that part of me buried. Maybe I arrived that way after realizing there will always be certain women out there that need the attention so badly they’ll resort to anything – including infiltration of a known relationship, be it marriage or other. The attention whore, for lack of a better word. Believe me ladies, when I tell you they are out there. Worse yet? They could be the very one that you perceive to be a good friend. Having been on the receiving end of the infidelity stick, I can tell you it’s humiliating and mentally draining – to say the very least.
So to wrap up my little rant for the day, in short – this is what I believe… and this is what I’ve lived. I want so very badly to protect myself in the future from this very damaging act. But just what is the answer? I realize that trust should be the key. Keyword, should.
Ladies, back to you…
Let ‘Freedom’ Ring…
Another Independence Day is upon us. I could really turn this blog into a political rant, but I’ll save that for another day. I will say that if you had warned our forefathers of the resulted socialistic thumb this country is being held under, they’d have probably packed bags and jumped ship back to England.
The weather has been absolutely amazing, the low was a record 56 Friday night with the highs in the upper 80’s on Saturday. SO uncharacteristic of the 4th of July! And I’ll definitely take it. It’s actually enjoyable to be outside in these temps, we’re all getting a break from hiding behind the a/c indoors.
I’ve really enjoyed the weekend so far, what with all the extra free time and all. Yesterday, a good friend of mine was in my neck of the woods, so she stopped by and I fixed us all a bite of lunch. I’d been wanting her to meet my guy anyway, so it worked out great – it was a good visit.
Yesterday afternoon I packed my bags, grabbed my feline and headed over to my guy’s house for the rest of the weekend. Camille really loves it here and we always get a bunch of laughs out of her antics. Ah who am I kidding, I love it here too. ♥
Just when I think he’s done it all, that there’s nothing left that can capture my heart and make me love him even more, K proves me wrong. Last night, he grabbed me in his arms, looked down at me and said, ‘You know what? After tomorrow, we will have officially spent every holiday of the year together.’ I’ll tell you right now that stole my heart all over again. I should be used to that by now…
I’m loving this life I’m in, and ever-appreciative of the treasure that I’ve found in him. I know I’ve harped on about second chances many times before, but in truth I can never do it enough. We’re older now, and hopefully wiser. When a blessing of this magnitude is bestowed upon you, it can never turn into something that’s taken for granted – and it never will. ♥♥
Miss Priss working hard at what she does...
Rest, Relaxation and Reality
I got a full night’s rest last night without waking up even once, until about 0830 this morning. My guy took me to see the movie Eclipse last night, what a great movie. No, I am not one of those over-40 women who gush over the boy stars (but umm, let me say there’s only one that I still consider a boy…) 🙂 I think what I love so much about the saga is it’s the perfect mix of action, drama and romance. And let’s face it, it’s unrealistic – so the Piscean in me basks in that dreamy part of it too. Anyway, I won’t spoil it for you – just to say if you haven’t yet seen it, it’s a must-see.
A day off, finally. What a joy to not have anything to do or anywhere to go. Pressing, that is. Time is at my own pace, and come what will. The weather is cooler, humidity is down, sun still shining, and hallelujah Praise God I’m off for three whole days. Even a simple trip to the grocery store and to tan was enjoyable this morning. Rode with the windows down and my hair blowing, just like it was spring again.
Now, if someone would just invent a Virtual Vacation to the beach, I’d be just peachy. Everyone I know is either en route there, or on the way back. I’m serious when I say everyone. Well, almost. Most of my friends on facebook are, my daughter is, my cousins are, I don’t need to go on. Guess I’ll be there one day soon, hopefully. My friend is getting married at the beach on August 22nd, so I’ll definitely be there on that day even if I have to drive down alone for that. She so deserves this most perfect day in her life and I’m so happy for her.
I do love fairytale endings… and they happen so rarely in Real Life. Hmmm, maybe the fairytale is what I love so much about the Twilight Saga. ♥
Bits and Pieces
I gazed down at myself as I sat down in my car seat this morning and discovered a spider had hitched a ride down the stairs with me. Lovely. I should be used to it by now I so hate spiders.
On a brighter note, here comes our holiday finally and with it the three-day weekend. Longer for some, I know, but I’ll take the extra day and not complain a bit. I recently made a friend who frequents the lake (via boat) and she invited us out this weekend. I’m SO STOKED I couldn’t be more excited if I were going to the beach. Wellll, I might be a bit more excited about that – but this is still major to me. I haven’t had a good day out on a boat in well, I don’t count last year because the boat never even moved from it’s stationery spot. So, three years now. That’s far too long for ole’ water-Bon to be a land-lubber. Craving the ocean too, but that’s a whole other story. The lake will most definitely temporarily suffice.
So, Eclipse has come out. All of my New Moon buddies have seen it so far and are telling me it’s mega-awesome, so I can’t wait to see it. My guy said something about Monday and it probably will be less crowded that day. One friend of mine was going to see it for the second time last night. The last movie I went to see more than once was Nights in Rodanthe, which I saw 3 times at the theatre. I didn’t know it at the time, but that movie was to become a staple in my newfound single life.
I have a friend who is taking his girlfriend to the beach this weekend – and planning to ‘pop the question’ to her. From what he said, she’s wanted this for a long time, and what better time than July 4th holiday? I’m such a romantic, so I bask in stories like these. I got all sappy yesterday when I heard what he was planning, and the girls at work were laughing at me. I can only explain it by saying that I’ve never in my life had anyone who actually wanted to marry me, so I guess that’ll make a person a romantic if nothing else will. I can’t wait to hear how he did it when he gets back in town… will he propose on the pier? On the beach? Or maybe at Broadway, standing underneath the fireworks after they start… my goodness, I love that idea….
Stay tuned. 🙂
Mellowing out
Although there have been multiple studies done that actually suggest the opposite – it’s my own experience that we get more emotional as we get older. I’m not talking about the more generalized emotions – being happy, angry, fearful, etc., but the more ‘philosophical’ ones. The types of emotions that tend to make a person ‘linger’ a bit more on the past, or ‘delve back’.
Is it true though? Do we get more emotional as we age? I can only comment on what I’ve seen personally, which is that I’ve seen more than a couple of mature men cry when reflecting back on certain times in their lives – in particular, times they wish they could go back and change. In each instance, the individuals appear different now than how I was told they used to be. Different how? It’s kind of hard to put into words. Softer-spoken, and rarely if ever angered – just to name a few.
What changes in us chemically as we get older that tends to make us more ’emotional’? And is it ever possible for a person to ‘change’? I don’t know the answer to the first question. As for the second one, I believe wholeheartedly the answer is yes. Maybe I’m wrong, but I consider being more emotional and ‘in-tune’ with yourself and others to be change. One thing I do know – the pill of regret is seldom swallowed. One of the saddest things you’ll ever see is a person reflecting back on losing the best thing they ever had in life.
My Brightness
Whoever first told me life gets harder as you get older sure knew what they were talking about. I believe it was my mother. We live in an age of a failing world (okay I know that sounds drastically morbid – but it is, let’s face it). We’ve done so much damage to the environment that it’s irreparable, with the continuance of damage ongoing still – today, tomorrow, next week, next year. The economy sucks, and people are struggling financially. The entire world is crime-ridden and it seems even more so in the US. Too many people have lost their religion, that is if they ever had it to begin with.
For these reasons it makes me that much more appreciative of the soul that has come into my life. My brightness. The person who actually makes me better. Brighter.
It all started last July 29th when we started messaging each other (I still have every email correspondence we’ve ever sent). Our first date was August 1st. Man, were we ever both nervous. I’ll never forget coming down those stairs and seeing him leaning back against the hood of his car… lookin’ so cool. 🙂 It’s one of those memories that I hope never fades with age.
No one is perfect – but I’m so beyond perfect that it’s hilarious. I have so many little quirks and eccentricities that need tweaking. I get agitated and worked up easily. He keeps me grounded. I frequently find myself trying to accomplish too much and freaking out when my goals aren’t met. He is teaching me to take life slower. We both have trust issues when it comes to relationships, and have since learned that it’s okay to let our guards down with each other. That in itself was a feat that took some time – time that we look back on and smile at now.
Yep, we’re getting older all right. But that’s not always a bad thing. After all, if we’re lucky enough, we might can capture a little wisdom from it. The kind of wisdom that allows us to be appreciative of the best things in life – that which is right in front of us.
Hats off to second chances….
Go… and Be Happy.
I often wish I’d started blogging a while back. Then again, if I had, it would’ve been the most boring drawn-out process of arriving at the point I’m at now – which is happy. Yes, money is more than tight, referencing yesterday’s rant… but I am happy.
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a few blogs on another site. This site isn’t public and I’m thinking of closing it down soon, so I wanted a ‘storage bin’ to house a couple of them. I’m thinking my current blog would be a good storage choice. Rereading them just now, I once again stumbled upon what I was so desperately searching for from the very beginning…
The Quest for Happiness.
Guess I need a refresher course every now and again… So, go ahead – make the jump. But above all………. be happy.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Good Life
Category: Life
Life is good.
Simple words, aren’t they? Actually these three words can branch out in so many directions and mean so many things. Right now I’m partial to what they symbolize to me.
Which is, the ultimate realization that I am happily independent. It’s taken me a while to say that with some enthusiasm, but man oh man – what a great feeling it is to finally get to know, and actually like, your own self.
And finally being able to say…. ‘I did it’. While smiling.
The forever analyst that I am, I’d find myself constantly searching for the flaws in my own character that might have led up to or even caused the ending of my old life. It took me a while to realize that until I embraced my own self, gave myself some actual worth, that I would in fact be alone in my new life. You absolutely are how others see you. Might be sad – but this is fact.
Being off work on a holiday, getting up and having the day with which to do exactly as you please, no one to answer to…. though a rarity, how glorious is that? There are so many people confined in a tempestuous or otherwise unhappy relationship that dictates their every move, even on a day off from work. Actually, days off are usually even more trying if you’re in a relationship that’s gone south. I sincerely remember.
This morning I do my usual cleanup of self and house – then cook 2 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of toast lightly buttered, add grape jam – and oh, can’t forget the OJ with lots’ o pulp. Savoring every bite sitting on my porch while looking out at all the new greenery, I thought to myself…. ‘only breakfast at the beach could top this right now’. Mr. Huge Hovering Devil Bee who’s positioned himself directly above the railing to watch me eat doesn’t even bother me.
The most simplistic things in life really are the most important. The sunrises, sunsets…. the birds building and mating in the Spring (in my hanging basket, no less). A good breakfast. Looking forward to the imminent thunderstorm. Crossing the bridge and gazing at the ‘diamonds on the water’; locking them into memory. I told a friend recently that I’ve gotten pretty good at driving a straight line on the bridge while my head is turned completely towards the lake. LOL In any case, the love and appreciation for these things will only come once you are truly satisfied and content with your own self worth. I am forever thankful for being at that point in my life.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Setting the REAL record straight
Category: Romance and Relationships
Every so often I get the urge to write a blog. Although the urge isn’t really there today, I more just feel the need to. Jot down some things that have been weighing on my mind, all related to the colorful year I’ve had so far. A year that’s made me feel failure-esque for the most part.
To try and understand how there can be so many fake people in the world is a daily struggle. What does it take anymore to be REAL? Out of two relationships I’ve had this year, both have failed. I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless. What I am saying is that both of these individuals happened to not be ‘real’.
Though a world different in all other areas, both individuals had this one little trait in common. Neither were genuine – neither were real. They both were masters of disguising theirselves as someone they were not. Whether it’s covering up something of grave importance (case #1) or leading someone to believe you lead a life that doesn’t really exist, along with hidden anger issues (case #2) – the simple fact remains… YOU AREN’T BEING REAL.
I realize it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At the time, it did make me wonder why I even bothered to put myself out there. Was there something about me that attracted this type of masqueraded personality? Was I really that gullible? Or did I want to be loved so badly that I was turning my head to the obvious? After much thought, I’ve decided to suspend the search for the answer – instead moving forward with slightly more ware on life this time.
Recently I’ve reconnected with someone who has showed me that there are still real people in the world. This person has also dealt with a not-real someone in their own life for many years. It’s been helpful and healing to share our experiences, and realize that we aren’t so alone in our quest to find someone out there that is genuine. Although we’re still in the early stages of a relationship, I can say that through him, I am slowly learning to trust again. That guard is still somewhat in place – as I’m sure his is too. We’d both be fools not to, right?
Needful things
You really can’t get any two more different ramblings than those which I have right now. This is me, though. A smorgasbord of thoughts running rampant through an already overactive mind that’s currently working overtime. So I have to unload sometimes, and this blog is my dumpsite. This is my life.
The Life of Bon.
Oh, they’ve finally labeled it. It’s taken this long. (Initial thoughts on Ft. Hood.). The Ft. Hood attacks are now officially being termed as “an act of radical Islamic Muslim Terrorism”. Geez, why couldn’t they have labeled it as such when the details of the attack first surfaced? In my humble opinion we have a buffoon as the Homeland Security Secretary, Ms. Janet “The System Worked” Napolitano. America is slippery at best with her holding this position. I trust her about as far as I can throw her since she’s already been proven a liar. Oh, she needn’t feel alone in her position… I believe her to be just one of many buffoons within the current administration.
When the hell are the higher-ups of this country going to stop worrying about offending the people of Islam by using the term radical Islamic Muslim terrorists? Radical. Islamic. Muslim. Terrorism. Say the damn words! And often. Because it’s alive and well.
On a much different note, I was recently sent a survey via email correspondence that ended up telling you some of the qualities that your perfect mate would possess. Laughable, I know, because those little survey things are never really accurate anyway. But, it got me thinking, what are we really looking for in life from a partner? And is it actually possible to find your soulmate?
Oh yeah… I must go there. So off I go.
- True sincerity.
- He will be honest and forthright.
- He will have high goals set for the future, and consistently work hard to achieve them.
- He will possess confidence in his self without being haughty or boastful.
- He shows kindness and consideration to wait staff, clerks and the general public who services him.
- Noticing a stranger in a tight spot, he will stop to help them.
- He’ll keep his manners about him even when he thinks no one is watching.
- He knows what he wants in life and how to get it – furthermore, gets it.
- He will have a patience level beyond that of anyone I’ve ever known.
- He will have class, and strong moral values.
- He will be a non-smoker. (Only because I have to stay quit myself.)
- He will love his children unmercifully.
- He will provide a strong sense of stability, and is reliable.
- He will have impeccable hygiene.
- He’ll enjoy taking that occasional trip or vacation.
- He will be tall.
- Loves to laugh and cut up, but also knows when to be serious.
- He will do his best to protect me at any cost.
- He’ll be a hard worker in whatever profession he has.
- He will be able to calm me when I am in disarray.
- He will believe the Bible is the Truth, and love and trust our Lord.
- He’ll respect my southern belle beliefs.
- He will never show even the slightest hint of violent behavior.
- He will love animals.
- He will have me on his mind 24/7, and I’ll know this only because he tells me so.
And I will never, even once, doubt his love for me.
Sound like a lot to be looking for? I say, nah. These are the essential traits I’m in search of. As well, I would expect everyone has that mental list of necessary traits they’re seeking in a lifetime partner. Realizing that no one is ever going to find that exact match, neither do I believe we have to settle. The truth is, we are all sinners saved by Grace – so there’s not a perfect one of us out there. But there are certain key elements we must insist on in order to maintain a long and successful relationship. These just happen to be mine…
New Year, New Beginnings
2009 – a colorful year it’s been for me. In addition to my love for the ocean, there’s actually a hidden reason behind why I chose my particular banner picture, which I pasted a copy of below.
Color.
Those who know me know that my ‘word of the year’ chosen to represent 2008 was Monumental. 2008 was my year of change, a change that required an extreme strength and perseverance – the type of strength I thought never could exist in me. For this reason I believe the word Monumental to be ever so fitting for that year.
I find it just as fitting to associate the word Colorful with my year of 2009. In this little rainbow prismatic year of mine, I’ve basically created a complete series of making mistakes and learning from them. But never mind the mistakes I’ve made, or the repercussions from them – I still have to look back and smile, at all of it. I’ve come to realize how I’ve grown and have been made a better person now, by just having been associated with some new people that came in and out of my life.
I look at it this way. 2008, the last half of it anyway, started out as a shockwave. Fast-forward to sorrow, self-pity, and finally moving into that godforsaken lonely empty feeling. As I moved into 2009, the search was on. For what… I didn’t know. I was however reaching out for something, with arms wide open. I found that, like a butterfly who had just discovered her wings, the world was mine for the taking. The territory left unchartered was endless. So many opportunities, and so much lost time. Nope – the objects I landed on weren’t always in my best interest. I’ve taken much from these experiences though – through weathering the storms and learning some pretty hard lessons. I’ve found that it’s how we react and learn from our mistakes that will determine our success in life, or lack of it.
Hmm. Can’t help but wonder what my word of 2010 will be.
Banner picture for 2009
Life of Bon 
Recent Comments