Christmas Memories
I watched a special on 60 minutes Sunday night called ‘The Gift of Endless Memory’ detailing rare cases of persons that can literally remember every single day of their life since their memory started registering. The medical term given is Superior Autobiographical Memory. I, along with others who watched it, found the story fascinating.
My own memory is nothing of the sort, of course. That said, it is that time of year when certain memories of Christmases past will pop in and out, some being stronger than others.
Like my uncle giving me a pair of black patent leather lace-up boots, oh how I loved those boots – I was no more than five. Another Christmas and uncle presenting me with a stuffed dog that was just as tall as I was at the time. Riding in the cold on my new bicycle, complete with new front basket with faux flowers. Our dog Archie running wild through the house with a red bow on his head – on the one day a year that he was allowed inside briefly, Christmas Eve. Opening a gigantic box from Mom, thrilled to find it filled to the brim with new books. My cousins as babies, each sporting a little bald head at the time in their adorable Christmas outfits. My mammaw and our calico kitty, Skitz – her touching each of her paws and saying ‘you just don’t match’. Baby girl sitting in her little black corvette with an upside-down smile, frustrated with sidewalk driving at the early age of 3. Bountiful meals and family time at Nanny’s and Nana’s houses. Baby girl walking into a sliding glass door thinking it was open, landing her smack on the floor. Mammaw being barely able to breathe one Christmas eve with her refusing to go to the hospital. Opening a small box from ex-hubby containing my wedding rings he’d had reset, thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world. The smells of BBQ weenies and sausage balls wafting through the air. Years later, hanging with boyfriend’s family enjoying their hearty laughter. Helping baby girl decorate her Christmas tree at her first new apartment…
I look so very forward to the future, and making many more memories along the way. I wish the merriest of Christmas blessings for you all…
Four short days away
It shan’t be long now! Hope everyone’s ready (or at least almost) for the big day.
The weather here has been so unseasonably cold for December that no one even knows what to expect anymore. I’ve watched the forecast diligently, and for two days now I’ve seen this:
Could it be, could it be – ohhh mama (said with my best Elvis sneer) could it really be… snow on Christmas? A light dusting to brighten the holiday itself would be nice. But I’ve got some traveling to do, and we all know how Southerners mix with snow and ice – kinda like oil and water.
BP (no gas here)
Been feeling junky for the past few days, mainly my throat. Since I wanted to make sure I was well for Christmas I decided to pay a visit to the doc yesterday after work. I’m glad I did.
My blood pressure was once again off the charts, and it turns out it was high the last time I was there too. Yesterday it was 151/100, and I had been there for a while so it’s not like I’d just walked in out of a traffic jam. Stage 2 hypertension is not something I feel I should have since I’ve been managed by a beta blocker many years now, but I guess it happens. Sooo, now I get to be on two medicines for bp. I’m just glad it was caught.
My ever-wise daughter: “Oh my gosh, Mom! You have GOT to be more peaceful and calm down. You need to try some relaxation techniques. Meditate. It really does work! Just sit in candle light and do some really deep breathing for 10 minutes every night. You can’t keep being so wound up!”
I got a quick visual of myself getting stuck in a pretzel position, and it struck a funny bone in me. Then I got to thinking maybe she’s actually onto something. Honestly, I know she is. Stop being so wound up. Don’t sweat the petty things. Don’t pet the sweaty things. Yeah, that’s it! Here’s an old dog trying to learn a new trick again… I’ll be sure let ya know how that works out for me.
Cold
I honestly cannot think of anything this morning but how cold I am. It was 12º when I got up and it’s not expected to even reach freezing today. I’m starting to wonder if I really live in the Carolinas. I came (not so happily) bouncing into work sporting a newfound cold, twenty-plus layers and knockoff uggs. Today I came complete with Tussin CF®, Chloraseptic® and Afrin®. And hey, it’s warm in here! I am set.
Couldn’t miss today, anyway – the company Christmas luncheon is at noon. Oh, how wonderful it feels to say that word – Christmas! Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas. Seems as though I’ve heard the word more this year than ever before, and I love it! So we’ll get catered in today (12 degrees this morning, good day for catering in, wouldn’t ya say?) by an awesome caterer, and enjoy some good team-building time. And errr, food. Did I mention the caterer was awesome?
So I gotta go there – my pet-peeve for the day/week. Yeah, we’ll make it for the week. How about those smartass know-it-alls in life? You know, those people who have the need to knock anything you say either down, top it with their own (new and improved) version, or generally insinuate a less than intelligent status on your part. Sometimes I grow weary of ‘petting’ them – of being nicey-nice in order to smooth things over when something is said that falls into the category of know-it-all. Of being ever-agreeable so as not to appear argumentative. I’d love to do a case-in-point, however that would pretty much lay everything out on the table and somehow I can’t bring myself to do that. Sometimes though, I wonder why I don’t just come right on out and say what I feel, and not worry so much about how it’s perceived. Once in a rare while I’ll turn those tables… and it actually feels good.
It’s becoming increasingly tougher to teach this old dog new tricks anyway.
Photo owned by Lord of the Rings® Trilogy, New Line Cinemas
Tricksters, tricksters!! They’re all tricksters… all of them!! 😆
Christmas, weekend and beach thinking
In reverse order.
The Christmas season has officially begun for most, but for some reason my mind seems to remain stuck on a warm, tropical setting. Instead of Christmas shopping this weekend, I’d rather be packing for a several-day stint at the beach for New Years. I can’t get it off my mind, and anxiously await the week before to at least see how the weather’s looking for the New Year.
I’m going to give my best attempt at finishing my Christmas shopping this weekend. I’m sure they’re will be a few extras to get next week, but even getting the majority done will be a huge relief. In the meantime, I’ll catch a few new oceanic documentaries that my love dvr’d recently for our viewing enjoyment. Uh-oh, here comes that tropical feeling creeping ’round again…
Picture source: http://www.layoutsparks.com
I Saw God Today
Once in a blue moon, a song comes along that makes a such a big impact on me that I must share it and the lyrics. George Strait is a master at such songs. This particular one doesn’t need a description… the title represents it very well.
Really, when you think about it, it’s amazing what all we can see God in within our everyday lives… if we only pay close enough attention.
Here’s a video – you’ll have to overlook the typos, but I did admire the fact that whoever did this compilation adores daisies as much (or more) than I do. Unfortunately, you do have to watch (listen) to it on youtube since it’s copywrited music… but that’s becoming par for the course. It’s my hope that all of us are able to see God in our own day today… blessings to everyone for a warm and wonderful weekend.
Just walked down the street to the coffee shop
Had to take a break
I’d been by her side for 18 hours straight
Saw a flower growin’ in the middle of the sidewalk
Pushin’ up through the concrete
Like it was planted right there for me to see
The flashin’ lights
The honkin’ horns
All seemed to fade away
In the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know he’s here
But I don’t look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today
Saw a couple walkin’ by they were holdin’ hands
Man she had that glow
Yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was startin’ to show it
Stood there for a minute takin’ the sky
Lost in that sunset
Splash of amber melted in the shades of red
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know he’s here
But I don’t look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today
Got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She’s sleepin’ like a rock
My name on her wrist
Wearin’ tiny pink socks
She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes
My brand new baby girl
She’s a miracle
I saw God today.
Mary Elizabeth
She is finally at peace. Born Mary Elizabeth Anania, her sunrise was July 3, 1949; sunset, December 7, 2010. Elizabeth passed away on a Tuesday at her home in Chapel Hill, NC after a long and courageous battle with breast cancer.
Although I might not have agreed with some of her political stances, I admire and respect the lady for reasons different than what one may expect.
- Her family meant everything to her. Through the years she managed a very elegant balance between her home life with her husband and children, her professional career as an attorney, then later becoming her husband’s chief policy advisor during a presidential bid.
- Her courageousness and perseverance was inspiring to all who have fought a disease and those who continue to fight.
- She maintained such grace and poise after their oldest son Wade was killed in a car crash (age 17) in 1996. I cannot imagine what strength it must take to go on after the death of one of your own children.
- She lived her private life on a public stage. Yeah, I’m gonna go there. The level of humiliation she must have endured after her husbands indiscretions came to light had to have been gut wrenching. I simply can’t think of any other term to describe it.
In September 2006, Edwards released a book, Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers, focusing on the death of her son and her illness. In May 2009, she released a second book, Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life’s Adversities, further detailing her illness, the deaths of her father and son, the effect of these events on her marriage, her husband’s infidelity, and the general state of health care in America.
On December 6, 2010, Elizabeth’s family announced that she had stopped cancer treatment after her doctors advised her that further treatment would be ‘unproductive’. The cancer had metastasized to her liver, and she had been advised she had several weeks to live. Her family members, including her estranged husband John, were with her. It was on this day she posted her last message on Facebook:
You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.
Elizabeth always felt that Wade was an angel, and that one day she would be able to see him again. Somehow I feel you’ve already found Wade, dear Elizabeth. May you rest in peace now.
Factual source: Wikipedia
Sunny Beaches
Have I mentioned how cold it is here in the Carolinas? I have a friend down in Florida who is simply beside herself with all the freeze warnings going on there. Her status updates include talks of hot chocolate and such – it’s cute, really. If I haven’t already mentioned it, baby it’s COLD outside! The sun’s scheduled to show it’s pretty little face today warming us up to a toasty 36º. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve started my next life in, shall I say, Minnesota or something. At the very least with my cohorts up in Ohio. Seems like every year gets a little colder and harder here (gosh-darned global warming, go away).
Last night I donned the flannel sheets and a blanket atop the comforter. That was literally the best move I’ve made all year. Man, did I sleep good last night! My little Camille was right with me and even chose to stay in bed this morning while Mommy rose from the casket got up to get ready for work.
I know to give credit for pictures, really I do. Just peruse my many blogs and you’ll see all the credits issued for any photos other than my own. So you can imagine my surprise when out of all the pictures I have ever posted (most of them being my own) I had an asshole person with no life call me out last night on the very one I forgot about, on non-other than my own ‘about me’ page. I think I was cordial enough in my response back, no matter how tiny I thought such a person might be in real life form. The so-called possible copyright infringement occurred on the short blog I wrote titled “Fallin’ Back”. It was a generic picture of the backs of a man and woman with hats on sitting in chairs along the shore of a beach. Again, the one picture I failed to give proper credit to (which, had I done so, would’ve been to the wrong credit being that I came about the picture through a TRAVEL AGENCY…) Silly me. In any case, the picture is down, but an asshole person in severe need of a life can’t touch my Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett video positioned a wee bit down on said blog.
Spoken in true indian fashion… it was a good picture. I must also mention that I’ve found it still resides on several websites as of today. But in proper Bon form… as I wish for no harm to be brought upon any small animals or marine creatures… I have promptly and justly removed it.
However.
For your viewing enjoyment, I’ve taken the liberty of replacing it with my very own less-than-5-minute Bon-sketch this morning. Hey, I have to get some kind of laugh outta this. Use your imagination… and your mind may just drift right on out to paradise. 😀
Copyright © 2010 BM
New week
A weekend that was absolutely awesome makes it ten times easier to come back into work on a Monday, I don’t care what anyone says. I mean, consider the alternative – having had a really crappy weekend and having to return to work? No. I’ll take the weekend that was as sweet as a fresh-baked blueberry muffin, thank you.
Both K and I got to spend time with our daughters over the holiday weekend, and it was a great time to be had. Two terrific girls decorating a Christmas tree, well – I can’t think of any better way to kick off the Christmas season! The weather was cold enough to warrant a fire in the evenings… just perfect.
Looking out my window this morning, I’m reminded that the barren land across from our business will soon be occupied. The for sale sign is gone and the deer-laden pasture has been purchased. My sweet little scenic view from the huge window beyond my desk will soon be adorned with just another building.
Dear Lord: can I take it with me please?
I’ll close with a final snap of my beloved furbaby underneath her Keefer’s tree. She slept underneath it the entire night, even after the lights had been turned off. Of course, I had to get my own out after we got home. It’s not decorated yet but at least has lights, which is all she’s really concerned with anyway. 🙂
Giving Thanks
I had quite the little bitch session last night. I don’t like when it happens, and it seems the more time elapsed between releases makes for a heavier session. I reckon there’s a reason for steam needing that release valve.
So there’s your southern word of the day… reckon: to regard or think of as; to consider. On that note, I reckon I’ll do an about face and ‘consider’ my many blessings. We are, after all, coming up on the holiday in which we should be giving thanks – not holding bitch sessions.
I am thankful for a warm home to come to every day. Power, phone, water, all of it. I’m thankful for my job of almost six years, a job that I actually don’t dread to go into each day. I’m thankful for a good dependable car with semi-new tires that gets me to and fro with no problems. I am thankful for a wonderful daughter who continues to excel in life as I sit back and watch her in sheer amazement. I am thankful to have my loving mother and father in my life, for so many of my friends don’t have theirs. I am thankful for my friends, of which my circle is small – but the quality is off the charts. I’m thankful for my fully stocked cabinets and refrigerator at home. I am thankful to have a loving man in my life who I can trust with all my heart because he’s proven himself to me time and time again. I’m thankful for the couple of days I get each week to regroup and rest, which most people call weekends. I am thankful for the meow of my sweet cat in the morning. I am thankful for a cellphone, which is no longer a luxury but a necessity that some people still do not have. I’m thankful for the traffic in the morning, because it means people are working and just maybe this crappy economy will get back on track real soon. I’m thankful for living outside a big city, because I get to enjoy the quieter more laid-back lifestyle when I’m not working. I am thankful for being able to take off on a whim and go somewhere, and the freedom to do so. I’m thankful for a second chance at happiness in life. I am thankful to be healthy – so thankful. And I’m ever thankful for the immeasurable love our Lord has for us.
I hope everyone has a meaningful and blessed Thanksgiving.
Surroundings
She loves it so
her natural habitat, the current and waves
a bond that could never be broken
Clear turquoise water
flows through her gills
tepid and calm, and she’s free
Yet thoroughly enveloped.
This beautiful realm, her armor
no worries, no pain; no sorrows, no strife
dangers prevalent, instincts trusted
Abundant sustenance, no rich, no poor
no lies, no deception
beauty thrives in every direction
and time is never defined.
The fish is me. The current, Keith.
~BM, 2010
Above art © J. Vincent Scarpace ~ http://www.ipaintfish.com
A Letter to my 16 year-old Self:
Some time ago, I entertained the notion of writing a letter to one’s 16 year-old self. After posting the idea, it felt overwhelming to me. Every time I’d try to start it, I’d freeze up at the very beginning. A few months went by, and it bothered me that I’d abandoned my proposed ‘project’. It’s not supposed to be a toil, I thought – there’s no right or wrong way of doing it. Some write this letter as a suggestion to change or reroute certain life events – I choose not to do this, but instead to write it as a softened forecast of sorts. As raw as it may be, here it is.
Dear Bonnie,
I know you aren’t really concerned with anything but partying and having a good time right now. I’m going to ask, if I may, for just ten minutes of your undivided attention without you creating an argument as to why.
Your decision to hang with the ‘cool crowd’ will end up being your demise in school. You’ve traded in your good grades and standards of behavior for a poor attempt at coolness. I see how much you’ve changed from age fifteen to sixteen – so much so that it makes your own head spin to think about it. You hate thinking about it as well – so you reach for those funny cigarettes and a bit of alcohol here and there in order to push the ugly truth further from your head. What you don’t realize, my dear, is that these seemingly simple substances will evolve into a larger abuse more destructive than you’re able to maintain control of. Your downward spiral has only just begun.
Just around the corner, self-destruction awaits you. Over the next few years you’ll continue to feed this destruction, justifying it as ‘having a good time’. There are people in your life who struggle to make you realize what you’re doing to yourself. Your mother, your father, your ever-wise grandmother. Why won’t you ever give them a chance, just open up your mind for once and listen? Newsflash – they really do know what they’re talking about. Years later, your eyes will well up as you wish for this time to be rolled backwards in order to make different choices. Better choices. Trust me on this – though right now, I know you won’t. In later years, you’ll be happy to know that you were one of the ‘lucky ones’ instead of another statistic. I want you to realize how very fortunate you will be to not become a statistic.
Getting pregnant at nineteen years old will not be the end of your world, although you and a few others think so at the time. You will have a little girl who will, in fact, end up being the shining sun of your universe. Do take a little more time and make the memories count… this will be the only child in life that God will entrust in your care. Slow down, savor every minute, every second. Laugh more… a LOT more. Know that your daughter will be successful in life, and will make you and her father extremely proud.
Your daughter’s father. The man you’ve known for a year prior will become your husband just a mere week after you find out you are with child. True, your childhood fairytale dream of getting married and having babies will happen quite backwards. Just like the absence of a real wedding or even a real proposal – you will find many things around this era to be very different than what you dreamed of as a young girl. Do know that you and your husband will have a very loving life together and create many wonderful memories as a family – as well as share hardships. Always remember that life is a constant change of events. In just a few short years, you will actually go to college to learn a new trade in graphic arts, and your employer will fund this tuition. So hold tight and make do with those hardships – it’ll all be worth it.
Oh, if only I could forewarn and perhaps prepare you for the largest and most difficult event in your life so far. Many years down the road, you will find yourself starting completely over from scratch. You will need to learn to live alone, to survive alone, and support yourself – for the very first time in your adult life. You will learn what heartache and heartbreak really is. You must learn this all yourself, as no amount of prep work or advice will guide you through it. If there is one thing I may ask of you for the future, it would be this… remember your own self-worth. Don’t consider your own happiness an extravagance. It’s not.
Your future lies completely in your hands, and in the decisions you make. Learn quickly that your decisions really do impact your future, of who you ultimately become. And guess what? We’re not finished growing yet.
Just me
As I gaze out at the ocean this morning waiting for the sun to rise (wish I were there…gotta love those webcams) I once again find myself analyzing me. Go away, overanalyzer. I force my thoughts elsewhere, as the analyzer diligently struggles to return.
Thought you all might enjoy a few snaps of the sunrise over the sunrise over the Atlantic this morning, taken off the South Carolina Coastline. Live webcam can be found here, and the snapshots I took below are courtesy of.
Simply breathtaking.
Real beauty comes from within.
The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. So smile! Besides, the sunshine is good for your teeth.
The spaces between your fingers were created so that another’s could fill them in.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with their experience.
Although rare – once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary life… love gives us a fairy tale.
Questions, always
In this day and age I continuously wonder how much shock value I have left in me when it comes to news of violence and crime, especially within the family. Oh, to heck with the shock value – what about the age-old question… why.
Just why.
The latest murder-suicide combo in Gastonia – a husband and wife who were upstanding citizens of the community and were well-known for helping people in need. She was a cheerleading coach and teacher, he was a county building inspector who helped out and volunteered at the school with his wife. Friends, teachers, and students alike loved and respected them both. They also had children, though the news didn’t list their ages.
Just what is it that makes the human brain snap? Is it a split-second occurrence, is it something that’s carefully calculated… are the consequences even considered? Is a chemically-imbalanced person even able to conceive of the repercussions of their actions? Did these family members used to sit around and have conversations about this kind of violence and how awful it is, thinking nothing like that could ever happen to them?
I just don’t get it. I guess we’re not meant to get it.
Choices
In this game of life, there are some things which we have control over, and some we don’t. We can choose to be kind and compassionate to people, or we can be nasty and vile. We can choose to help our neighbors, or we can hinder or block the good deeds of others. We can choose to ‘do the right thing’ – or we can attempt to break those around us.
So how do you handle a miserable existence of an individual who is so delusionally obsessed over your life and that of your loved one, that it’s become their sole objective to infiltrate it in any way possible? An individual who recruits their own family members and friends to aid in their own juvenile schemes? An individual who is greatly influencing their child with their deception and lack of moral character? I believe that this lone corrupt individual must be left to bask in their own self-destruction. I choose to neither feed nor lend energy to this hateful, dark, putrid excuse for a human being.
Because some things never change.
So I’ll tell you how I handle it. I choose happiness. My drama cup shall remain empty. I’ve made it this far, and believe me when I say I ain’t going back. I choose that bright light that our Lord promises and provides, free of charge – for any of us who are willing to receive it.
Update 1
What a mess. Poor Dad is back to being transported to the Durham VA hospital. Yesterday the Charlotte hospital had released him to go home when they learned he wouldn’t be getting the surgery done with them, and when Durham learned of the release (and also of his life vest continually attempting to go off and shock the ever-loving #%*! out of him) they advised him he was not safe at home and instead needed to be there.
I’m hoping to get a phone call from him when he gets to his destination, poor fella’s gotta be wore slap out since I heard he hasn’t slept since Wednesday night. Preliminary schedule for surgery is still late in the week next week, and we’re all hoping that date’ll improve. I know he so appreciates the prayers.
Topsy Turvy
Dad was supposed to have surgery this morning at 10:30. A lot happened yesterday that changed that.
It started with a phone call from the cardiovascular VA hospital in Durham. Now, I’m not gonna call out any names of hospitals that have most currently been involved with his care, but the cardiovascular team that is familiar with him in Durham were livid about a few things. For one, a more risky (to say the least) procedure was scheduled for this morning – one that could’ve ended up in open-heart surgery. Secondly, Durham could not believe that his defibrillator had been deactivated since Monday, and he was not fitted with a life vest (I wasn’t aware of what one was until yesterday). A life vest in medical terminology is basically a defibrillator within a vest. The question was asked, ‘but he’s in a hospital and being monitored – if anything happened, they’d be right there anyway’. Durham’s response was, ‘by the time a team got into his room with the proper equipment, a minimum of 2.5-3 minutes would have passed – would you really want to chance that time lapse?’ Guess I never thought about it like that…
Needless to say, Dad made the decision to go to Durham instead. The two teams (Durham and Charlotte) disagreed on his options, and in the end Durham was able to offer him more options as to the types of procedures for this most delicate position he’s in. They were going to transport him by ambulance the 3+ hour trip – but the surgery couldn’t be scheduled immediately so that wasn’t needed. The Charlotte hospital released him to go home (with life vest in tow) to await the surgery scheduling in Durham. Until then, I’m sure he’s glad to be home for a brief time – and I’m willing to bet his little dog Pedro most certainly agrees.
Dad
My sweet Daddy is in the hospital again. He called me at work yesterday, and when my coworker said “it’s your father on the phone” I immediately knew something was up since he never calls me at work.
Several years back, we almost lost him. In fact, did lose him twice on the operating table, and God brought him back. Okay, I’ll give props to the doctors too – but their handiwork was lead solely and completely by our Lord’s will. Period.
It all started out with having a bad heart for years. Then came the respiratory ailments, which escalated into pneumonia then finally a terrible abscess in one of his lungs. The docs tried for months on end to clear it up to no avail – finally the decision was made to remove most of the lung. He was so very sick by this point, they didn’t give a good prognosis for the outcome of the operation. It was, in fact, grim. He came through the operation with multiple complications and they ended up having to go BACK in months later and get the rest of the lung. It frustrated me that he had to go through all that twice, the second time harder because it was a second go-round – I still wonder why it just wasn’t all done at one time. The recovery time it took for him amazed me, he’s just a trooper and loves life so much that nothing seems to keep him down.
In between all this, the heart issue had to be addressed as well. Dad was given a pacemaker/defibrillator amidst all the lung issues. I don’t know if any of you are aware of what’s called “Ejection Fraction” (Ef). This is the medical terminology that refers to the fraction of blood pumped out of ventricles with each heart beat. Your heart circulates blood through two separate systems. The two chambers on top (atriums) are the receiving stations for your blood. The two lower chambers (ventricles) are pumping stations. When the left ventricle contracts, forcing blood out into the body, it’s called “ejection” since it is “ejecting” the blood out into your arteries. Since the big pumper on the lower left is the one that pushes blood throughout your body, that is where they usually measure heart function – the left ventricle. That’s the “ejection” part. The “fraction” part is because that pumping chamber (the left ventricle) never quite manages to pump out all the blood inside it – there’s always a little bit left behind that lies around waiting for the next contraction. The amount your left ventricle does pump out per beat is called the “ejection fraction”. It’s X% (the amount pumped out) of the total amount of blood in the ventricle per heart beat. If your heart pumps out 55% or more of the blood in your left ventricle on each beat, you have good heart function. When it falls below 55%, you’re slipping. My Dad’s was 15%. Believe it or not, it can improve over time. If I remember correctly, at the last reading he had gotten back up to 25%, maybe even higher – my memory eludes me so I’ll have to ask him.
Back to the pacemaker/defibrillator. Most of us are aware of the pacemaker’s purpose, which is to regulate the heartbeat. You can adjust the pacemaker so that it can be suitable for either the top or bottom heart chambers or both, depending on what type of pacemaker it is and the needs of the patient. It also will only work if it is needed, it doesn’t work all the time. An implanted defibrillator is a larger device. It is there to prevent death from a cardiac arrest. The device shocks the heart if it needs to be shocked, because of a life-threatening rhythm disturbance from the lower chambers of the heart. It can correct this rhythm. Because it has a pacemaker built into it, a defibrillator also has the capability of stimulating the heart like a pacemaker, to help stop fast rhythms, at times, and to prevent the heart from getting too slow. Okay, I know I’m being long-winded on this (pardon the pun).
When Dad originally had the device implanted, it wasn’t long at all (2007) before they made the startling discovery that his was one of Medtronics pacemaker/defibrillator devices that had bad ‘leads’ in it. Sure enough, it was only discovered after the device went on a rampage and violently ‘shocked’ Dad continually for almost 24 full hours. I cannot imagine the trauma of enduring this. They ended up replacing the leads, I believe, shortly after this happened.
You can view a short video here on the history of the malfunctioning leads. Pretty darned interesting. Medtronics Defibrillator Video on bad leads
The reason he’s back in the hospital? The hospital called him back yesterday morning, and said the leads are once again malfunctioning… and for him to get to the hospital asap. Right now, they’re unsure which gameplan they’re going to take – currently two different procedures are being decided on. The outcome will depend on several factors, decided by the test results from later today.
Like I said before, he’s a trooper and a champ! He’s been riding his new bike (tryke) for several months now and enjoying it immensley. He’ll get back on it and go back to life as usual before I know it. He’s honestly the biggest lover of life that I know, and loves our precious Lord so very dearly. Any and all prayers will be so appreciated. Many blessings to all!
Daisy Chain
The following is actually from a little over a year ago, before my blogging days. I did not write the words, but over a fair amount of time did do the compilation – written from a variety of beloved sources and wise souls. I remember at the time, I was in a sense lost – feeling alone and blissfully unaware of my own purpose in life. My arrival at this point came from a failed 21-year marriage and the quest to ‘find myself’. I was comforted by the wise words, and found myself ever-searching of them.
Running across it brought back memories of being truly alone. Of the endless search for wisdom – of knowledge of who was fake and who was authentic; and the hopeful ability to discern the difference. I’m not changing any of the content, nor the order… and I do realize it’s scattered. But at the time, so was I.
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My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them.
What is more the benefit? To love a person that is already loved by everyone, or to love a person that is rejected by everyone?
Hugging is healthy. It helps the immune system, cures depression, reduces stress, and induces sleep. It’s invigorating, rejuvenating & has no unpleasant side effects. It’s nothing less than a miracle drug. Hugging is all natural. It’s organic, naturally sweet, has no artificial ingredients, environmentally friendly & is 100% wholesome. Hugging is the ideal gift. Great for any occasion, fun to give & receive, shows you care, comes with its own wrapping paper and, of course, is fully returnable.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
We wait all these years to find someone who understands us… someone who accepts us as we are… someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight… that can bring us happiness in spite of trials… that can face our dragons in the night… who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.
Happiness needs sadness. Success needs failure. Benevolence needs evil. Love needs hatred. Victory needs defeat. Pleasure needs pain.
You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything.
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel of both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Forgiveness does not overlook the deed. It rises above it.
It always amazes me to see people making a decision to never forgive. It’s like trying to punish their tormentors by harming themselves. In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake. You’re doing it for yourself. For your own health and well being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It’s one thing you can be totally selfish about.
I’ve always heard to live everyday as if it was your last. I disagree. I think you should live everyday as if it was your first, where everything is new and exciting. You try new things, and you’re not waiting for your life to end – you’re waiting for it to begin.
Your friends are your release. They’re who you have the most fun with, and yet when the going gets tough, those people turn around and suddenly they’re not just making you laugh, they’re being this rock and giving you all their advice. Even though you’re so much your own person, if you dissect yourself, I guarantee you, your friends are in there. Their influence is incredible. However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship.
You’ll never know how much you needed your friends until you look back along the rope and realize how many knots they tied to keep you from Falling. I don’t want someone to catch me when I fall; I want someone to stop me before I do.
Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you’ve always wanted. If your someday was yesterday, learn. If your someday is tomorrow, hope. If your someday is today, cherish.
Walking away isn’t the hard part – it’s not looking back.
Tears are words the heart can’t say.
I tried to conquer the Universe, but it defeated me.
I tried to capture the Universe, but it eluded me.
I tried to understand the Universe, but it outwitted me.
So, clumsily, hesitantly, I tried to love the Universe,
And it embraced me.
Does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Sooner or later you have to make a choice…leave behind your passion, your dreams – or have the strength to look past all discouraging faces and look at yourself and know that you have what it takes… and you will prove them wrong.
To love requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. Whoever insists on safety and security as primary conditions of life cannot love; whoever shuts himself off in a system of defense and possession as his means of security, makes himself a prisoner.
Never assume greatness is for someone else. Imagine every day that you too can do great things. Have the courage to take the challenge, make the mistakes, and move forward. Who knows, maybe one day someone will be sharing your moment with you.
The Truth
I just noticed my daughter’s latest facebook status update. It reads, “When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.” Truth.
My boyfriend made me a bracelet this weekend. I watched closely as he carefully color-coordinated bead by bead on a strong leather strand. As he tied it on my arm I told him, “This is my love bracelet.” Truth.
Now I’m gonna dive deep. What is a simple definition of Truth, really… a verified fact? Conformity to reality or actuality? Sincerity… integrity? A fact, a proof?
Most of us have known one or more persons in our life that have issues with honesty, or have problems telling the truth. The ones that really get me, though, are those who are blatantly caught at something and can still look you right in the eye and lie about it – even when facts are presented.
For some reason, it always brings to mind one of my all-time favorite comedic skits. A woman confronts her man over questions of infidelity, and the man vehemently denies any wrong-doing even though he’s caught red-handed. Click here for a look… this is hilarious in a raw kinda way.
Hey…. wadn’t me….
If only everyone just knew how much the truth really means, of all it’s able to accomplish for us. That when used, it can overcome so many negative feelings or emotions. Being honest makes people trust you, respect you. It brings about a heightened sense of security in a relationship, and strengthens each of you in many different ways. When you tell a loved one the truth, it’s actually saying ‘you are precious to me and worthy of complete knowledge’.
The way I see it, the general consensus wins. Once a liar, always a liar. In my forty-two years, I’ve personally never witnessed a huge changeover in a person who has issues with being honest. That’s unfortunate, not only for them but for the persons involved with them.
The Truth. Will. Set. You. Free. Seriously? Well, yeah – I believe it will. Put it this way… I’d rather hear the truth any old day than some sugar-coat of a fakeness. It may not always be something I want to hear…. but I want to hear it nonetheless. Now I know I can’t change the world, I quit trying a long time ago. It does make for a nice dream though…
Life of Bon 
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