How much can a Koala Bear?

I got a good belly-laugh from an email I received tonight. I checked it out, and like the other good ones I found that different versions have circulated for years. Snopes does report that it seems to have originated with the below Australian version, around the time of the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney. Regardless of the origin or authenticity of it, it’s funny stuff!

It’s my dream to perhaps one day visit Australia. It’d be a long trip, so better start savin’ my money now…

Below are some of the tourist inquiries that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their website, and the replies back.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 

Q: Which direction should I drive – Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth – to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)

A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh,
forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… oh,
forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, immediately after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.