To each his own. To me my own.

Questions, always

The subject always heats me up in a bad way. Each time I try to write about it I end up backspacing, deleting, rewriting – and guess what? I still end up all over the place. This is sure to be no exception.

A guy I know is going through a rough time. Upon recently learning of his wife’s affair with a co-worker, he confronted her on it. She pledged to ‘end’ it, but obviously didn’t. Long story short, he left her this past weekend.

My curse of thinking too much strikes again, as question after question invades my thoughts. Even if she had ‘ended it’ like she promised, could she really have continued working with the ex-lover? And if so, could my friend have slept well at night knowing the two were still ‘together’, albeit on the job?

Welcome to today’s world where the females are definitely giving the males a run for their money on this issue. At the risk of sounding crude… I’ve gotta go there. Why can’t these people keep their pants on? Can an hour of pleasure really be worth destroying the life of your spouse and/or children? Does your stomach not twist up in worry and angst over what you’ve done – or at least from fear of getting caught? And are ya really gonna trust someone you cheated with not to do the same to you later?

Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely do have great respect for those who’ve been able to get past an affair and ultimately save their marriage. I just can’t imagine many cases turning out like that.

I’ve heard the words reason or exception thrown around, I say SAVE IT. No reasons or exceptions matter to me in this most tender area. Yes I have an assload of sins myself, but infidelity isn’t in that huge pile and it never will be. I know some might call my views one-sided, and maybe they are – but they’re mine. Infidelity within a marriage is a certain removal of trust – the most personal betrayal – a definite stab in the heart. Who knows what goes on in a cheater’s head – I’m just unable to rationalize it in any way shape or form.

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12 responses

  1. The breakup of a marriage is a tragedy thought to be a solution. Our nation lives in the grip of lies. “The Devil as a roaring lion seeks whom he may devour.” I don’t believe people start out thinking they are destroying their families. Yet, an affair is a poison dart that makes a deep, dark wound. I understand your heartbreak for all those injured by infidelity in marriage. Blessings to you, Bonnie…

    September 20, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    • Bonnie

      The Devil seeks out, for sure. The morality of our nation depresses me. Blessings to you, Carol Ann.

      September 22, 2011 at 8:03 am

  2. Mom ~

    I agree.

    September 20, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    • Bonnie

      Love you, Mom…

      September 22, 2011 at 8:03 am

  3. Trust is so important. Not only in a marriage but between children and parents, co-workers, neighbors, etc. I can’t imagine the offended party having any interest in “saving” the marriage. What is there to save? In one personal instance I forgive a mate for infidelity because my actions drove her away. But it was still time to move on. The offended one is apt to seek revenge but that is a waste of time and the act of revenge is really more harmful to us that the betrayal. People come into our lives and out of our lives through many varied circumstances. Then the “free thinkers” insist that we don’t own our mate and that our mate deserves freedom to have simultaneous relationships. No, it is not about tolerance for the bizarre or “sharing” love but about trust.

    September 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    • Bonnie

      Being able to trust someone is huge. Once that trust is removed, I personally find it very hard to get back. If that’s a flaw on myself, then so be it. I believe it’s natural to rationalize an affair with what perhaps could have been our own behavior or actions. Whether or not it’s true, it’s yet another unfortunate backlash of the affair the offended party has to endure and deal with. Yes, seeking revenge is the wrong path to choose, I totally agree – I’ve known people who have lived to regret it. As far as the free-thinking ‘sharing’ – no way, no how, no sir.

      September 22, 2011 at 8:23 am

  4. I agree, you need trust and I’m not sure I’d be able to get over it either!

    September 21, 2011 at 6:08 am

    • Bonnie

      I can easily see it being one of the hardest actions to ‘forgive’, that’s for sure.

      September 22, 2011 at 8:24 am

  5. rebeccasretreat

    I’d love for you to ask my own Dad, these questions Bon. My own father is guilty of infidelity, and unfortunately for my family we were the ones thrown in turmoil, anger and lies. I an ask the same questions every day, a number of times. As Carl says, trust is something important not only between lovers but a family, children etc. As a result of my Dad’s affair, my trust is lost and has ultimately led to an upsetting and vicious relationship on his part.

    September 21, 2011 at 11:29 am

    • Bonnie

      I’m sorry to hear you’re all going through this, Rebecca. It definitely impacts the family as a whole, not just the spouse. Not understanding the whys make things even harder. It seems even when a person ‘has it all’ there are those that want more! I see the act to be one of the most selfish, period. It makes you stop and wonder what love really means to the offending party, or if they’re capable, or if the love ever even existed. I’ll pray for healing for your family. Stay strong like I know you will.

      September 22, 2011 at 8:38 am

  6. I read this book once called “To Love, Honor, and Betray” about wives from all different walks of life cheating on their husbands. I don’t think that it’s any secret that women are doing as much cheating as the men these days. Why? I think it’s more of looking for emotional support and connection whereas men typically cheat for just the physical aspect. I once had someone (female) say to me “cheating is keeping my marriage together.” Can you believe it? If that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be kept together…now should it!

    Them there’s the show “Cheaters.” Horrible. Jerry Springer. Horrible.

    September 22, 2011 at 10:26 pm

  7. Bonnie

    I agree Tracy – if the desire is there to cheat, it’s always been my belief to at least leave the home first. Any couple who’s lived through an affair has had different circumstances as to how it happened. I just can’t imagine causing someone I ‘love’ that type of pain.

    Ughhh, Springer? (cough-cough) well, if I’m getting my tires rotated and oil changed and that’s all that’s on the tube… but that’s the only time. 😀

    September 24, 2011 at 12:45 pm

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