To each his own. To me my own.

Der Geier

A vulture is described as: a large bird of prey, characteristically having dark plumage and a featherless head and neck, feeding chiefly on carrion (carcasses of dead animals). Ironically enough, a second definition is listed below the initial one: A person of a rapacious, predatory, or profiteering nature.

Why would someone not want to be around a person in life – but choose to circle overhead after they’re dead and gone?

A couple of days ago a dear relative of mine lost a courageous battle with a terminal illness. This person died alone, without their children. This person cried about their children and continually asked ‘what could I have done so horrible that they wouldn’t want to see me or even speak to me?’. I saw the tears.  I saw the hurt. I saw the raw pain.

I saw it. My mother saw it. They did not.

They were immediately made aware of the situation as it began last August, when the first surgery occurred. Since then there have been multiple hospital stays, tests, scans, and more tests. I relayed information to them as I had it. The unresponsiveness forced me to type an email to inform of the finality of the illness. I had to send a freaking email to say the word terminal.

But it was all in vain.

The very evening of this person’s death, we were told to get there quickly – the heart is failing. I called and left word with the children, who of course are grown. It’s bad, I said. If you want to see him, you’d better get there quick. I left the room number.

All in vain.

Keep your sorry excuses. Continue to justify abandoning your parent at a time when they needed you the most – as they lay there dying. I hope you sleep well at night. Instead of counting sheep, maybe you can count all those tears your father shed for both of you.

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12 responses

  1. Such a sad thing it is when families become estranged. I’m finally learning that no matter how toxic a situation, how painful the memories, however dysfunctional and strained a relationship is …. if we’re breathing there’s opportunity to make it better. Once they’re gone, we’re stuck with guilt, anger, shame and regret. Whether they admit it or not. Definitely not something I would want.

    July 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    • Bonnie

      Yes it is a sad thing, Elena. I just hoped it wouldn’t end up like this. This one’ll stick with us for a long time.

      July 22, 2011 at 9:08 am

  2. My parents are approaching 88 and live with me last 9 years There is no one else. What will I do when the first one passes with the one remaining? Gonna be very unpleasant. Myself? I don’t want anyone around at my death bed. Will go to the next level alone so should get used to it. I have made one condition very clear to my daughter. I am a Mason and will be cremated in my white leather apron and wish may ashes to be cast off a particular bridge. I want her to make sure the wind is at her back so my ashes don’t get blown back and my ashes get run over by cars and I get killed again.

    July 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    • Bonnie

      Yes Carl, that’s going to be hard when one parent passes, I completely agree. My stepfather was a mason and so is my boyfriend, so I totally understand how important the masonic rights are to you. As far as the wind and that bridge, you are a complete hoot. You always make me smile! 🙂

      July 22, 2011 at 9:14 am

  3. Oh my gosh, my heart is just breaking and could feel the pain of your family member as he longed for his children to be near. I wonder the reason that the children could not forgive…or sacrifice..or give him the chance to say goodbye. Perhaps they will reflect on those things when they face their own deaths one day, and realize how important it is to pass to the other side in peace. Blessings will come to you for trying to reach out to them…and for being there.

    July 21, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    • Bonnie

      Thanks for your sweet sentiment, Tracy. It really means a lot. Reflecting back on this is killing me right now. I do hope that fades with time.

      July 22, 2011 at 9:16 am

  4. So very sad. You did all you could do, Bonnie. Blessings to you…

    July 22, 2011 at 12:33 am

    • Bonnie

      I just don’t get it, Carol Ann. Never will. Blessings to you, my friend.

      July 22, 2011 at 9:17 am

  5. I’m sorry for your loss, Bonnie. I’m glad someone was with your relative.

    July 22, 2011 at 7:51 am

    • Bonnie

      Thanks, Thoughtsie. I’m glad for that too.

      July 22, 2011 at 9:21 am

  6. helen

    Well put Bon. I have a saying for assholes – opps, I mean people like that….What goes around, comes around!
    After all the hell my dad put me through, I was the one and only one who tried to save him.
    There is a special place in Hell, waiting just for them. They deserve no less!

    July 22, 2011 at 11:08 am

    • Bonnie

      Thanks Helen. I just couldn’t not say anything, and I’ll probably have more to say on the subject in the near future.

      And, I definitely believe in Karma. Definitely.

      July 23, 2011 at 10:39 am

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