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The Long Lost Journal

The night I found it, the contents that I read kept me awake. I had placed it back in the box I found it in, along with some old pictures, planning to keep it buried. The era was 1991-1992. Oh, my simple little young mind. Still in the beginning years of what turned out to be a 21-year marriage. Everything seemed so black and white back then.

There were a handful of poems I’d written in the journal, a short one I would like to post today. It was written for my daughter, who was not quite four years old at the time. I remember writing it, my heart swelling with love as I’d glance over at her. I recall wondering how she would look when she was older, what she would end up doing professionally, who she would marry. Somehow, I knew even back then her strength would know no bounds.

Her and I had a conversation a couple nights ago that reminded me just how mature she is for her age. She mentioned the time when she was still with her now ex-boyfriend, who she loved more than life itself. She told me, “Mom, I know he’s a great person – just a bad boyfriend.” Even at her young age, she was strong enough to let a relationship go because she knew it was destructive for her. She recognized patterns of behavior that weren’t acceptable. Could I, would I have been that strong at 21 years of age? Obviously not. I’m convinced that strength comes in spurts, and at different times in your life. Mine was just saving up ’til now.

My Julia….
It seems so many years
Since the day when you were born
I’m blessed I feel, as I recall
there will come many more.
You’re more than I ever asked for
So innocent and true
Already my dreams are answered
If there’s nothing else you do.
Believe me, bug, that when I tell
My dreams of you to some
They know, as I, that you’ll succeed
That you’ve already won.
(2-27-92)

Posted by  |  November 9, 2009 | Categories: Family, Poetry, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Sunday Mornings

Mmmm. Waking up on Sunday mornings. Albeit alone – I’m healthy, the sun is shining, and I’ve got a brand new toasted bagel with honey cream cheese on one side and butter/grape jam on the other. Life is good.

What does it take to be thankful? A look around you. Here’s just a little piece of my own view.

The forest I overlook. Okay, the leaves are going away quickly, but it’s so beautiful. My precious cat who is playing under the corner of the bed hoping I’ll be over there momentarily to make it (and I will). The gorgeous sun shining brighter by the minute, getting ready to top the trees. The warmth and true home feel of my apartment, my little tree house in the sky. The long hot shower that is waiting for me whenever I’m ready. Having a job. I’m so thankful for that job…. Food. Drink. My family, who supports me endlessly, especially in those moments where I temporarily forget to be thankful. A good car that gets me to and from where I need to go. A cellphone, a computer – even in today’s world those are luxuries that many don’t have! Clothes to wear – never mind that there’s nothing new in there, that’ll come later. My piece of mind. Oh, that’s so important. My own mind, that for once, I possess control over. Music, the beautiful endless music. The seasons. I do love each of them, all four have different meanings to me. The ocean – that while I cannot touch or see at the moment, I can visit in my mind whenever I want.

The sun just topped the trees. It spills through my windows and bounces off the crystals, casting rainbow prisms everywhere.

Yeah. Just take a look around.

Posted by  |  November 8, 2009 | Categories: Home, Thoughts | Leave a comment

The United States of the Offended

I’m one angry individual this morning.

Fort Hood. The sense of it. An avoidable tragedy? I don’t even know where to start on the subject, or even if I want to start. It would almost seem like a disservice to not say something about it….

I don’t really care how others see or take my views – I want to make that perfectly clear. I don’t CARE if I offend anyone. What in holy hell is our military thinking by employing, or retaining employment of, a terrorist?? With all the documented statements he’s made – and I’ve done a lot of reading this morning – what the hell made everybody keep quiet?

Has America been silenced this damn much? “Oh no, don’t say that… it might offend…” Do you think this man, Nidal Malik Hasan, worried about offending anyone with his views and statements? Which turned into horrific actions because no one wanted to OFFEND him?? This has obviously become an ‘Anything Goes America’. To everyone, that is, except Americans.

Does the term 9/11 mean anything to anyone anymore? There is not a day in my life that goes by that I don’t think about it. Sometimes I may even dwell on it a little too much – but brother, I’ll take that dwelling any day, as opposed to letting it fade away. Go ahead, call ME miss misery. Remind me in my dreams Dear Lord, every night if you must, but never let the memory of that horrible event fade from my mind.

God help us.

Posted by  |  November 6, 2009 | Categories: News, Political, Rants, The Angry American, Thoughts | Leave a comment

NYY Fan Base

I read a status on FB this morning (from a family member no less) that read: “All these Yankees statuses, sheesh!! How many of y’all are actually from NY?!?!?! I know of only a few”. I’m thinking, and your point is….?

Prior to 1995, ‘our’ Carolina Panthers did not yet exist. Back then, the general consensus around here resulted in the locals being either Cowboys or Redskins fans. Throw in a few Dolphins fans for good measure. Try telling of these people they weren’t a true fan – seeing as how they weren’t originally from Texas, Washington or Florida! Laughable. Furthermore, if you were to ask these same people today – the majority would still speak of their ‘original’ team with fond regard. This is called being a fan. It’s what being a fan is all about.

I’ve been a Yankees fan for longer than this almost 30-year old individual has been an adult. So why does that particular comment bother me? I guess it’s because a comment like that insults the integrity and the pride I feel and hold for my team. If you have years invested in following ‘your’ team, why would someone even touch on insinuating your intentions for following that team would be for anything less than genuine reasons?

I live on the North/South Carolina border. This area has not yet been lucky enough to score their own MLB team. That said, many of the people with roots here are Atlanta Braves fans. I do like the Braves myself – but MY team is the Yankees. If I WERE a Braves fan though, would it make me less of a fan since I am not from Georgia??

Hell no it wouldn’t.

So, here’s to the 27th World Series Championship, Yanks – very well earned, might I add. I’m so proud of you. Much love sent from your fan here in South Crackylacky.

Posted by  |  November 5, 2009 | Categories: Opinion, Rants, Sports | Leave a comment

Change

Well, the Possum has spoken.

He says that his country music ‘identity’ has been stolen by the newer artists, specifically targeting Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift. Although I see a hint of a core point he’s attempting to make – you guessed it – I have a few issues with his statement.

Change. There’s a word most of us hate, even if we refuse to admit it. Things change, flow, evolve…. times change…. people change…. as well, the demands of the people change. One thing about the music, George – it’s always gonna be there. That’s the true beauty of music. It’s yours, it’s mine. No one or no thing can take it away from us. It’ll still be here, years after we are long gone.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I wouldn’t be listening to country right now if it weren’t for artists like Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts and Brad Paisley – just to name a few. Prior to six months ago, the mere suggestion of listening to country was, well less than appealing. Now, though I do ‘prefer’ the newer artists, just becoming a fan has made me appreciative of the older artists. Reba, Dolly, Cash, Loretta, and yes even you, George. I’m an 80’s girl who just recently started listening to country. By now you’ve gotta realize that ‘times change…. people change….’. Seriously, time just keeps ticking on, man.

Unfortunately, there are a few things that don’t change. Mr. Jones – why do you single out the two youngest female stars? The top two females on the country charts right now…. hmmm. Surely you’re aware that there are currently just as many male artists out there performing the newer country music that, and I quote, “needs it’s own genre title”. So why didn’t you use Rascal Flatts or Keith Urban as your examples?

I’ll tell you why. Because they’d have come back at you within a flat two seconds. Instead, you pick two of the youngest females to use as your examples. This explains to me why you’re still stuck back in the music of the ‘old times’ and refuse/rebuke change. There’s plenty of room out there, Georgie. Embrace your coworkers, male and female, each having their own flavor. I’d be willing to bet your fans will love you for it.

Posted by  |  November 4, 2009 | Categories: Music, Opinion, Rants | Leave a comment

November Sun

While it doesn’t provide quite the warmth and energy of the May/June sun, hey – it’s sunshine. So I’ve been contemplating blogging for a while now, but worried about continually having something to write about. Guess I’ll see as time passes whether anything interesting enough to blog about actually happens.

My little corner of the world exists in southeast US, a little over 3 hours from the coast. Of course if I could have my way, it’d be closer. The ocean has my heart and is where my soul resides. All in all though, 3 hours away is not that bad.

I won’t be making this first one long – my work calls me back. For now, let us be thankful for the earth and sky, the chance to love, and this beautiful thing called life.

Posted by  |  November 3, 2009 | Categories: Thoughts | Leave a comment