We. I mean, I.
It seems to be the hardest thing to ditch, this transition from the plural “us/we” to singular “I/me”. This morning I was telling a neighbor about the discipline training “we’d” gotten for Mojo. I recognized my blunder as soon as it came out of my mouth, and walked away feeling awkward.
Right now I’m angry. I hate admitting it, but I am. As I look back on the mistakes I’ve made, I’m angry at myself for being so naive. I’m angry for staying, for believing, for surrendering my whole heart to someone who didn’t appreciate it for what it was worth, for holding out hope, and for all the wasted time. I’m angry at him for being such a damn good receiver. For the lack of communication, for the broken promises when the hand of communication was forced, and for the sheer selfishness that made him, well – him. I’m angry at him for not even once asking me to stay. It stands to reason that I have been played for a genuine fool.
There are some hard lessons to learn in life. Sometimes that one ‘sure thing’ that feels so certain turns out to be the devil himself dressed in a thin veil. As my dear uncle used to say – such is life, I suppose.
One thing’s for certain – the walls surrounding this ticker will be rock-solid from here on out.
Anger is normal. Remember – shock, grief, anger and finally acceptance. Hang in there. Love you.
February 13, 2013 at 1:57 pm
Good to know, Mom – hopefully in that same order you listed. 🙂 Love you more.
February 13, 2013 at 2:10 pm
It looks like your starting to make your way through the emotional muck we’re left with when a relationship ends. Sometimes, we feel like that part will go on forever because we keep finding memories buried deep down inside, which will stoke the anger, or feelings of betrayal, or sadness. It’s a mourning process for what we’ve lost. But we come out of it wiser than before.
February 13, 2013 at 9:39 pm
Thanks so much for your ever-wise words, dear Dave. I needed to hear that this morning.
February 14, 2013 at 7:40 am
He deserves a kick in the groin, life is too short.
February 16, 2013 at 4:09 pm
Thanks, GB. For the record, I think so too.
February 16, 2013 at 7:42 pm
After you’ve made the transition a time or two it gets easier. Not that I advocate the “disposable relationship” but it is just a fact that people come into our lives and go out of our lives and the cliche “nothing lasts forever” may be a sadness or even a freedom.
February 18, 2013 at 8:42 pm
This is two for me, Carl. I love that last line, I’m actually thinking I might’ve been done a favor.
February 18, 2013 at 8:45 pm