To each his own. To me my own.

The Word

Since my separation and divorce, the word has never passed my lips with regard to myself. I just don’t believe a woman should the first one to speak it, and I have my own personal reasons for feeling that way.

Marriage. 

A long long time ago, I did utter it and lived to regret it. I became a prisoner of the word; listening intently to expressions of regret for the next twenty-plus years. ‘The whole thing was your idea”, I was told. Other times, “Your mother might as well have held the shotgun”. Great – my own little shotgun marriage, standing in front of a judge in a courthouse on that hot August day. How lovely. How endearing. How very valued those words made me feel.

In some ways, I think being made aware of this bitter regret only served to make me stronger. I’ve come to the realization the path to real love and commitment will never be found on a one-way street. That the word compromise actually exists for non-selfish reasons. That the amazing feeling of total and complete trust creates an airtight bond that is impenetrable.

I won’t even go so far as to throw out a hint. As far as writing about it, I’m not really concerned with who reads this. I know K doesn’t read my blog – he reminded me of that little factoid just last week. Besides, as dear old Dr. Suess once said…

Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. 

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8 responses

  1. Type type type, edit edit ……. type some more …. and delete! Saving it for our next bottle of wine. 🙂 Love you and miss you!

    July 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    • Bonnie

      LOL Elena I know what you mean. And I’m looking forward to that 🙂 Love and miss you too girlie!!

      July 14, 2011 at 7:34 pm

  2. Mom~

    I never knew he said that .. All I did was show up .. with my pocketbook! 😀

    July 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    • Bonnie

      I never saw that shotgun either – funny! 🙂

      July 14, 2011 at 7:36 pm

  3. Now I think the best relationship is “weekend” fun time and the rest of the week just manage our own stuff and don’t contaminate each other’s lives with it. There can be joy in that arrangement, both leaving our baggage stored until Monday. Unless it is a long weekend and holiday, of course.

    July 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    • Bonnie

      I had the weekend thing myself for about a year and a half. When things started getting serious, I all but felt like I was living two lives. Weird feeling. But, I’m well aware that men and women have interestingly different views on the subject. I enjoy hearing about and learning from all of them.

      July 15, 2011 at 2:17 pm

  4. Kiefer doesn’t really read my blog either. Every once in awhile, but I feel free to write pretty much whatever I want.

    July 15, 2011 at 8:06 am

    • Bonnie

      It’s nice to have access to the little vent when we so require it, isn’t it? 🙂

      July 15, 2011 at 2:18 pm

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