K was supposed to get his daughter over the weekend. In talking to her last night, she told him she really wanted to spend time with her boyfriend. Although he was disappointed, he told her sure. He understands what comes first in a 14-yr old girls life – friends and boys. It’s not been so long ago that my own daughter was that age, and once upon a time I was that teenager, too.
I understand that K and his ex had a difficult divorce. I’m also well aware of how she kept his daughter from him for almost 2 years of her life, and how much he missed her. When all is said and done, a 2-year wedge is hard to remove. What I don’t understand is this. WHY can’t parents share a common ground when it comes to the child they supposedly love so much? To me, it’s selfish – plain and simple. I’ll say it again because it very much bears repeating – SELFISH. It accomplishes nothing but hurting your child. An example, you ask? Well, here ya go.
Last year, Keith, his daughter, my daughter and I went to the local theme park. That same day he was sweet enough to buy all four of us season passes for the following (2011) year. Since we live so close, he figured it a great investment for an entire summer of fun. While on the phone with his daughter last night, she mentioned that her mother was getting her a season pass. K asked why, that she already had one and didn’t need it. She replied that her mother wasn’t going to let her bring her pass to his house when it was ‘his weekend’. He said, ‘but you won’t have to, because you’ll have the one I bought you – why would you need two passes?’ She never could really answer why. You see, he has no problem with her using her pass whenever she wants… that includes when she’s at home with mom. It’s hers. He bought it for her unconditional use. Apparently, mom’s rules are a bit skewed.
I can only go by past antics, but when ‘his weekend’ rolls around his daughter might show up with no pass (the one he bought) because mom won’t allow her to bring it.
Rule #253… no fun allowed at dad’s, ever.
So now what? Will K be forced to keep the pass at his house, so she’ll have one when he gets her for the weekend? Seriously… what benefit could this whole thing possibly have for their daughter? More importantly, what lesson could it be teaching her?
Aside from the obvious… how about ‘how to waste money the most economical way possible’? Yeah. Hats off to ya there.
What a nightmare, I can’t believe people don’t think about what they’re teaching their children and why you can’t move on from the past and try and be amicable with each other. His daughter is missing out as a result!
April 7, 2011 at 11:16 am
I don’t get it either, Vix. I just don’t get it.
April 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Another great post. Thanks for sharing this. I enjoy reading your blog very much. Spending time with my family and doing fun activities is something that truly makes me happy.
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April 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Thanks for stopping by!
April 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
This is not uncommon. It’s a shame. Divorce is hard enough on children without such abuses added. Apparently, some people cannot get past their own hurt to allow their children the enjoyment they deserve with the other parent. How sad, how tacky, how senseless. You and K can be an oasis for her from the guilt trip her mom throws at her for loving her dad. Blessings to you both…
April 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm
It is a shame. I’ll never understand it, there’s no sense to be made of it. Blessings, Carol Ann.
April 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Oh boy! This hits a nerve with me BIG TIME! My first asshole, I mean husband, was just like that, when he even bothered to show up. The whole time Karen was with him, he was putting me down. Blaming EVERYTHING that went wrong on me. For the life of me, I can’t remember doing anything that was bad enough to get the beatings he dealt me! Thank God he didn’t bother to spend that much time with her or he may have turned her against me. Now she knows who was always there for her and it wasn’t her dad! When Eddie and I divorced, we had anger for each other, but we remained friends for the kids and would even go together when the kids had “special” events. We understood that we had kids and a granddaughter who needed us and we put them before any anger we may have had for each other. Thank God! Jason and I had problems for years, then one day he realized it wasn’t my fault. Now we have a TIGHT bond that can’t be broken. As for me and A-hole, we still have to be around each other since we have 3 grandkids, but I’m ALWAYS nice to him and his witch and I do it for my daughter. I love my daughter too much to hurt her and if I were mean or nasty to Keith, it would be her thats hurt. I feel for your K and his daughter. I hope everything turns out ok in the end. Love you!
April 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm
It’s mega-tough when ex’s can’t get along for the sake of the children. He isn’t even told the dates of her rodeos or anything so that he may attend – heck in four short years she’ll be eighteen. It’s a hard pill to swallow when as a parent all you give out is love and this is what you get in return, but some things are beyond our control. You’re absolutely right… in the end, our kids always find out the truth. Always…
Love you too Helen!
April 11, 2011 at 7:55 am