Older… not necessarily wiser

The older I get, the more instances occur where I notice myself doing something foolish or embarrassing.

About a week ago, I had to go to the post office to get some stamps. The post office in my little town is actually located in the very back of a little Hallmark shop. I easily parked near the front, went in and did my business. As I got back to my car, I looked down and noticed there were very small chips of white paint coming off near the middle trim of my drivers door. I thought, damn, this car really is getting some age on it! I’d washed it not much more than a month prior, but failed to notice these little flaws. Still disbelieving, I crouched down and ran my fingers over and over the spots on my door. I clicked my keyfob to unlock my door, and didn’t pay much attention to the fact it didn’t initially unlock (sometimes I do have to click it two or three times, battery needs replacing). Crouched down again and ran my fingers over the little spots of chipped paint. Then I stood up again to unlock the door – damn, why isn’t it unlocking? I look down and notice that even the molding near the window is a more discolored black than I remember. WTH? Disparaged at this point over the appearance of my car, I click once more to unlock.

The lightbulb in my head finally came on. Oh God, this wasn’t my car. Same make, same model, same year, same color… but I am in fact standing here rubbing molesting someone else’s car. Panic-stricken, I look around and immediately take heed of the fact that I was parked another row over.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this – but in my defense it’s been at least several months. The last time, it wasn’t even my model of car (it was white though).

I stopped at the grocery store before going in to work this morning. Whenever I’m able, I get my discount card out for scanning and have my wallet ready. As the lady in front of me finishes up, the cashier thanks her and promptly turns to me to greet me and take my card. I hand it to her, and notice a longer-than-should-be pause. She says “I’ll let you hang onto that for now”. I was handing her my bleeping ATM card. I’ll have to say she was super-gracious about it and didn’t try to (further) embarrass me.

Then there’s my speeding ticket of ’09 where I handed the officer my ATM card instead of my license. Of course that was likely a direct result of him sliding in sideways behind me to barracade me in a front parking spot at Walmart, like I had just robbed a bank or something. The common criminal that I am. I’ll have to say that cop very much deserved his severe lisp.

How about this one. I’ll ask a store clerk where something is, and they’ll point it out to me. It will NOT be visible to me. We can be almost right at it – they point to the area, describe what it’s in front of/beside of, then finally look at me in disbelief – no, I don’t see it. It’s just one of Murphy’s laws. I keep saying Ima stop asking where a certain thing is at because I always feel like an ass in the end. Anybody else have this (consistently) happen to them??

One thing’s for sure. The future should prove to be very entertaining… for others.  🙂