Decorating for one
For the second year, my little artificial tree looks good decorated. I remember when I bought it last December, the first Christmas on ‘my own’. My daughter had insisted I get a tree – even threatening to buy one for me and bring it over, so my hand was forced in putting one up. I made the trip to the local Walmart and picked out the least expensive artificial tree I could find. At least it matched my height – I didn’t want one shorter than me. As I tracked around browsing the different trees, the fact seemed to rush me that I was the only single person in that section. This particular evening, all the couples seemed to be happy and laughing. I hurried to the checkout to pay for my purchase and was crying by the time I hit the parking lot. Yeah, pity party is right. Those came quite easily back then.
I look back to that day and compare where I’m at now. What’s changed? What’s remained the same?
It was never my ‘wish’ to be alone. It was something that had to happen – something that I was going to have to learn to deal with, and adjust to, period. The path proved to be a long one. Having been married my entire adult life, I had to face the task of acquainting myself with Bonnie. I had to learn to know her, realize her flaws, her weaknesses, as well as the good things, like her kindnesses and warmth. From this came being able to accept myself, then like myself. A long journey it was – but yes, finally came loving myself. The old saying happens to be true, that if you don’t love yourself, no one else can love you either. That’s the part that has changed since last December.
What hasn’t changed is the fact that I still live alone – which really isn’t so much of a hindrance anymore. My loved ones still remain all around me.
Oh, and as of yesterday, something else that has changed…. I’m now also the proud owner of a Christmas door wreath. 🙂