What I’m REALLY thinking….

• Interviewer: Got any special skills? Me: I manage multiple accounts simultaneously *pulls up my online shopping confirmation emails* 22 hours ago
• RT @chuckwoolery: I don't think Kaepernick wants to play football. He just wants to complain about it. twitter.com/WashTimes/stat… 22 hours ago
• RT @Darlainky: Fan: *locks up after running nonstop in my bedroom for two years* Me: Cheap-ass piece of shit. 1 day ago
• Oh come on, Macy’s. You and I both know it’s not “the last day to shop 1000’s of specials”. 2 days ago
• I’m “when varnish was called glaze coat” years old. 6 days ago
• RT @PwrFulWmn: This dog has made me a lover of brisk evening walks, and the full moon on the snow just lit up my night. 1 week ago
• RT @TheCensoredRock: Coworker: did you hear we're getting snow tonight? Me: get the fuck away from me 1 week ago
• RT @catturd2: I'd shave my nuts with a chainsaw before I'd ever vote for a Communist Democrat. 1 week ago
• RT @sheann828: Guys that think I care what shoes you wear, I don’t. I care what shoes I wear. 1 week ago
• RT @envydatropic: One would think that you pay enough for a new phone these days that naughty words would come preloaded in the dictionary. 1 week ago
• RT @TPPatriots: This is what the Fake News Media won’t show you ⬇️ Over the weekend, President Trump received a standing ovation at the Al… 1 week ago
• RT @topaz_kell: If I could teleport, I would still never leave the house. 1 week ago