To each his own. To me my own.

Tick tock

It’s been a while since I’ve written a complete BS post, so I figure I’m about due. Forgive me in advance for my rambling.

My new boy Mojo has been keeping me busy. When I get home in the afternoon, my time belongs to him – I often don’t start dinner until Keith gets home (sometimes not even then). I’m completely okay with this. There’s always an adjustment period for any new member of your family, as well as for you. The time he mandates is so worth it and he’s such a sweet boy. I’m ever so glad he found me. 🙂

In a little over a week I’ll be having surgery (a word I don’t much care for). Anyway, I made the decision to have a hysterectomy. I’m not one who feels the need to keep female ‘things’ hush, so I’m not embarrassed to talk about the type of surgery it is. What I will say is I’m silently terrified at the concept. I hate that it’s turning into this, and I’m trying real hard to hide it from most people. The closer it gets, the more I’m thinking about it – my stomach is torn up and burning and I’m a nervous wreck. I know everything will be okay and my doctor is great, but this old mind just won’t let it go and it’s just consuming my thought process. Wish I could just fast-forward to recovery and all these pre-op worries would be gone. I have several friends who have gone through it and they tell me it’s nothing. I trust when they tell me this, and can only hope I am as strong as they are. I guess I don’t have any choice – I’ll just have to be.

My big beef is having to be out of work for a couple of weeks – and I would never have agreed to it if it were the formerly mandated six weeks. Now it’s actually four, but in my line of work I’m told I should be able to return in two. Apart from family, my job is everything to me. It’s the reason I eat, drive, and have a warm bed to sleep in. Additionally, it’s something I respect and will never take for granted. If you’ve ever been screwed over by an employer of long tenure and are lucky enough to find something a hundredfold better, a place that actually appreciates you back – you won’t wish to be out. To me it’s about surrendering this huge part of my life, of my familiarity. Might sound corny, but that’s just how it is. Even contemplating being out of work gets me emotional and I’m not a big fan of emotional. Maybe I need to try some yoga.

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10 responses

  1. Mom~

    You’ll do fine ..

    May 8, 2012 at 10:00 am

    • Thanks Mom. 🙂

      May 8, 2012 at 10:05 am

  2. You’ll be fine Bonnie. I hope it all goes well and wish you a speedy recovery. And you have Mojo for hugs afterwards!

    May 8, 2012 at 10:08 am

    • Thanks Victoria – I hate that I’m so nervous. Par for the course for me!

      May 8, 2012 at 10:09 am

  3. I hope the surgery goes well and you recover quickly! Tell Mojo to be gentle.

    May 8, 2012 at 10:27 am

    • Thanks Thoughtsy! And I’ll definitely relay that message. 🙂

      May 8, 2012 at 10:34 am

  4. I’ll be sending you lots of positive energy, Bonnie. And remember that poochies were made for just the kind of recuperation period your soon to face. They have a way of making it all better.

    May 9, 2012 at 1:39 am

    • Thanks so much for that, Dave. Had the pre-op yesterday and talked to doc in length, ended up getting a few nerve-smoothers. You’re right, our poochies always make it better! 🙂

      May 9, 2012 at 7:45 am

  5. I suspect that in the new future or in the next few years my time will come to have a hysterectomy too. I have never been in hospital nor had surgery I am petrified at the thought. Best of luck. Please don’t force things – rushing back to work could cause long term problems. Give your body the time it needs to heal.

    May 11, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    • I’ve never had surgery either, GB – I think that’s what makes it so scary, is the unknown. Then they start talking about living wills and such. 😦 You’re so right, you can’t force recovery, it has to come on it’s own pace lest it backfire on us. Thanks so much for your well wishes!

      May 12, 2012 at 8:08 am

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