To each his own. To me my own.

Cupid Rhymes with Stupid

Does anyone out there actually like Valentines Day? Start looking forward to it as soon as the new year rolls around? Hello… any takers? Anyone at all? I apologize beforehand for my overly pessimistic curmudgeon-like attitude today. All of us need to rant now and then, and today looks to Be Mine. Pardon the pun.

If you look up a Valentine Grinch in the dictionary, you’ll see a big ole picture of yours truly. Seriously. Most people associate this day with love – but for reasons different than you might think, I associate it with hate. Valentine’s day happens to mark the anniversary of the worst day of my life. Through a dark and hellish series of events which originally started as a ‘gift’, this so-called special day actually ushered in the beginning of the end of my marriage. Such is life.

A couple of friends recently told me they dread Valentine’s Day this year because they’re single. Upon my response, “I hate it too, I wish we could just skip it”, each fired back with something along the lines of, “Yeah, but that’s easy for you to say because you’re currently with someone”.

Well… that might be how they see it (perhaps rightfully so, from their perspective) –  but it’s not how I see it. The fact that I currently have someone in my life will neither make the day more bearable or ‘easy’. Thing is, no one will ever see that evil day that took place years ago like I myself still see it. Although it’s frustrating knowing that most people will never ‘get this’ about me, I’m not at all certain I would even want them to. Sometimes an attempt to understand is accompanied by a strong sense of pity, of which I want none of. Suffice it to say that I would never wish upon another person this same catastrophic set of circumstances, especially when it’s all you’re left to mark a holiday like Valentines day with.

I’ve waited years for the after-effects of that abominable day to soften, to ease up, to heal. However fine I may appear on the outside, my inside is still just as raw and tortured as it was nearly a decade ago. I am the not-so-proud owner of a silent hell which has left me in an everlasting war with it’s demons – when all I ever wanted was for it to go away. The more time that passes, the more I realize this nightmare has likely taken a permanent residence within the balm of my existence.

V-day will come again, as always… and I’ll deal with it, as always. I don’t need a designated day on the calendar to celebrate my love for a person – I’m a big girl and I can choose to do that on any of the 365 days we’re annually afforded. Thanks.

I have earned my Grinch status. So kiss this, V-Day.


12 responses

  1. Mom~

    I never liked Valentine’s Day.

    February 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    • I’ll take Halloween over V-day any old day…. free hayrides.

      February 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm

  2. Divorced and lived alone 28 years there has been no opportunity to give or receive this V stuff. I am not sad or lonely because ALL THE CHOCOLATE WILL BE FOR ME.

    February 1, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    • It’s WAY overrated, isn’t it Carl. With the exception of the chocolate 🙂

      February 1, 2012 at 2:05 pm

  3. I’m torn on V-Day. On one hand, it’s a holiday that involves loads of chocolate. So I like that. On the other hand, I don’t see the need to make a big deal about it.

    February 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    • Wish I could be a bit more optimistic, but guess I’ll always relate it to something bad. Hey I know – they need to have more V-day horror flicks! Yeah, that’d be cool. And like you said… there is that chocolate thing.

      February 1, 2012 at 5:45 pm

  4. I am no fan of Valentine’s Day. I was actually dumped on one while in high school. After I gave her an expensive necklace that she kept.

    February 1, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    • Ahoy Nate – welcome onboard the anti-V team. Why do some people pick V-day to be such asses? It’s like an adverse reaction to the drug called love. Or something like that.

      February 1, 2012 at 8:52 pm

  5. You impressed me with that attitude, Bonnie. Truly, we don’t need the 14th day of February to celebrate love to a person. As the song goes, TONIGHT, I CELEBRATE MY LOVE FOR YOU … and it goes on and on.

    February 2, 2012 at 5:48 am

    • I’m surprised to hear I impressed anyone with such a ‘downer’ of a post Sony – but I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And, that’s a great song choice!

      February 2, 2012 at 7:31 am

  6. Debbie

    I’m sorry that a date on the calendar is a painful reminder for you. I’m sorry the commercialism of the day increases your difficulty. Perhaps one day, your pain can be redeemed and your memories of the past will be washed clean with hope for the future.

    February 2, 2012 at 6:33 am

    • Thanks so much for your kind words, Debbie. It does seem that pressure and commercialism hold hands on this holiday, right? Perhaps one day these V-day demons will decide I’m boring and take residence elsewhere. I pray for this.

      February 2, 2012 at 7:35 am

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