To each his own. To me my own.

Extreme memories

A while back I wrote a blog on current airport security in the States and my heavy thoughts on profiling. It’s a subject I have very strong opinions on and stated so in aforementioned blog, so I won’t rant about it again. Those of you who know me know that I’m a girl who will always live in the shadow of 9/11, lest I never forget. The shit I hear and read about daily on the news makes my gut wrench, and as I checked facts online tonight I’ve ran across more than I care to mention that makes my blood fucking boil – including thumbnail pics and links to videos of the murderous decapitations of Paul Johnson Jr. and Daniel Pearl. Enough said.

I recently received an interesting email that brought the subject of profiling fresh to the forefront of my mind again. (That’s right, look out…) This particular email has circulated around for years, which explains the original gap that skipped the years 2003-2008 – then someone inserted the Ft. Hood attack of 2009. Being the Bonster I am, I took the liberty of inserting my own material for those missing years since I felt it was too large of a gap to leave unaccounted for. Of course, I only picked one event per year to list – but believe me there were many to choose from. As always, I did my homework on the fact-checks.

Absolutely No Profiling! Pause a moment, reflect back… and take the following multiple choice test.

These events are actual events from history. They really happened! Do you remember?

Or have you forgotten?

Okay, so here’s the test.

1. In 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by:

a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. A Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by :

a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:

a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

4. During the 1980’s a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:

a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:

a. The Smurfs
b. Davey Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:

a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:

a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:

a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:

a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill’s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.

Thousands of people were killed by:

a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:

a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

14. In 2003, a series of events now known as the Casablanca bombings went down in Morocco. In all, 33 civilians were killed by:

a. Barney
b. Toby Keith
c. Mr. Magoo
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

15. In 2004, Paul Johnson Jr. was kidnapped and executed along with 2 other Americans and a BBC cameraman in Saudi Arabia by:

a. Leap Frog
b. Tony Stewart
c. Pedro
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

16. In 2005, 3 American hotels in Jordan (the Radisson, Grand Hyatt and Days Inn) were hit with bombs. 57 people were killed by:

a. A computer software program
b. PETA
c. My iPhone
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

17. In 2006, what is now referred to as the Sadr City bombings occurred, a series of car bombs and mortar attacks. It was to be the second deadliest attack since the beginning of the Iraq war in 2003. At least 215 people were killed and 257 were injured by:

a. The Bonster
b. Bon’s cat Camille
c. Bon’s gorgeous boyfriend
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

18. In 2007, the detonation of 2 car bombs near Algeria’s Constitutional Council and United Nations offices caused the death of over 60 people by:

a. Alex Trebek
b. Marilyn Manson
c. Dolly Parton
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

19. In 2008, a car bomb and rocket hit the US Embassy in Yemen as staff arrived to work. 16 people were killed by:

a. Hugh Hefner
b. The entire cast of Dancing with the Stars
c. Gilligan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

No, I really don’t see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?  So, just to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people.. They must instead conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President’s security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling.

20. In 2009, Fort Hood Texas – 13 people were killed and 30 some odd others were wounded by…

a. Fox News
b. Howard Stern
c. The Dude who broke in your car
d. A Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40 (guess what folks, he was 39…)

Tell me… does this fit the PROFILE?! I rest my effing case.

So if the A through C’s on the multiple choices weren’t hilarious enough for ya – I just heard the best (and most awesomely BRILLIANT) semi-solution to terrorism on planes. While listening to my local 103.7 (Tanner in the Morning w/ Catherine Lane) he came up with this:

How about every airport now come equipped with this ‘booth’ that every potential passenger walks into. This ‘safety’ booth will have the ability to automatically detect and detonate any bomb that walks inside it. BAM! There’s our solution. Seriously, it’s brilliant thinking at its best. Can you imagine hearing this over the airport intercom? “Attention, all passengers of Flight 1393 en route to Belgium… we now have a seat available…”

😆

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